How can we change how police handle mental health and particularly stop innocent men being labelled as DV ?

@AlwaysMyself

That's okay, it's hard to tell sometimes I'm just touchy over incorrect information because such things have destroyed my family.

I appreciate your offer of support, to answer your question most of the time I'm not coping at all. I have aggressive complex PTSD that struggles under the circumstances. I miss my partner (long term boyfriend) very much and spend all my time fighting legal aspects, medical lesion and making calls to every place in the country or going to appointments about the situation all trying to resolve it. The other times I sink into a manic episode questioning every move I make and word I say because they have all been used against me to make this bs narrative seem real. I have no friends and no support. My "mother-in-law" actively harms my PTSD voice as do countless others always pretending I am to blame, that he doesn't love me and that I'm rare to love this loyally (insultingly not complimentary) and that I'm the crazy ex that won't give up again. (We've been through this before - the cop input issues, and those that insult me and our relationship know that. This stage is part of his condition and it already sucks as it feeds my PTSD they all just seem to love to make it worse.) So in answer to your question by day I fight by night I try not to die. That's how I cope. If it can be called such a thing.

Thank you for responding I don't get too many open minded interactions like yours.

I hope you are doing good with anything you have going on and I hope good people are sent your way to help you.

I'm sorry that your mother-in-law is not supportive, and is instead detrimental to your mental health.

Do you take some time out for yourself, to do things you enjoy?

Its really important to look after yourself too. If you are not coping, it is harder to help others and risks burnout. From what you have said, it doesn't sound like you are coping well currently - although I am glad to hear you are managing to keep yourself alive at the very least.

I wonder if there is a way to balance things better so that you can both advocate and support your partner (and other in situations like him, and preventing this recurrances) as well as keep yourself healthy and happy?

I can imagine that having your one supportive person being acused of DV when they have not done so would be especially difficult and triggering of your cptsd regarding past DV experiences.

I often have hard thoughts about trying not to die too. What are some of the strategies you use on those nights to help get through? What helps reduce the feeling for you (even if only temporarily)?

@AlwaysMyself

It's the harm she's still allowed by the aw and mental health services TO HIM that I am more worried about.

Many tell me to take time for myself I think they often misunderstanding what caring for someone means. It's not about one side or the other. My condition isn't easily managed. It's not fixed by being selfish. Not in the middle of a time sensitive battle. Dose a solider take a break in the middle of a battlefield? That's my life. I appreciate your concern however, I am already taking care of me for every day I see the dawn that's taking care of me, for every step freeing him is caring for me. Apparently I'm very old school in how I love. I don't see the difference.

Haha, yeah thanks for phasing it like that, indeed keeping me alive at least is good safe care. I often am tricked by a lot into thinking he's better off if I am dead. That can feel like truth and feeds my PTSD dangerously. So long as I keep their lies separate of truth I'll be okay.

I understand where you are getting at from the self care comments but for me there is little to be done to actually repress my condition while he's gone. He is my support structure emotionally and more than that he's the biggest defence of my PTSD voice constantly reminding me that I am loved. Three decades alone with endless torture will do that. People call it co- dependency but they just do not understand how our conditions work.

🙏Bless you for saying what no one else acknowledges. Yes, a thousand times yes, having the only person in my entire life that hasn't abused me be charged with DV when everyone else including a cop recently get to walk free is an added level of fury and agony. No one has got that. Thank you!

As for how I cope I can't share my personal ones because some have then used it against me and hurt me with it. It's become too risky. I have found distraction is key however, when in the thick of an attack try thinking (I know how hard that is) of five good things or reasons or something you still want to do.

Wanting to see the ending of a tv show or finish writing a book has helped me many times before I met my partner. Long warm showers, herbal tea, music, hugging a beloved bear or plushie (pat an actual puppy or animal if you can) walk or if in an angry state try boxing or excises I have a 24/7 gym option so if it's too much at night I can go there. Best bet I've found is distraction, exhausting yourself until sleep is easy and that can help. Next morning try a very nutritious meals (but pending on situation don't force yourself - try something you love)

Get a project or goal that takes a lot of your time like write a book or defend your beloved partner with your dying breath like I do. Haha

It can help if you have constant or on going issues like I have all my life - to write down as you learn what works for you because I find my mind just melts when it's at its worse and all I can hear are the screams of my PTSD voice. I find I need external help calming and coping, if you have loved ones talk with them about what you feel you need at your worse. Ultimately, I've found sufferers of this type of PTSD can at times not save themselves. You don't want to be that way alone believe me. Try to avoid that if you can.

I'm sorry you've been through that, I hope you find things that help. Good luck.