How can we change how police handle mental health and particularly stop innocent men being labelled as DV ?

@ForUs88

I hear you.

it is an unfortunate situation where police view the male partner as the perpetrator of aggression and abuse in lots of situations including DV.

this should not be the case!! There are situations involving abuse in relationships where the male is the victim.

your situation is different again. Regardless of the situation, facts and exact specific circumstances of each and every case should be taken into full consideration before making decisions.

so sorry to hear what you and your partner are going through. Sending you both lots of hugs

hi @ForUs88 as a discussion place online people will reply with their own experiences. now that you have asked people to stop replying, they might stop, but in terms of it being a simple question - How can we stop it happening?

How can we stop police assuming men are abusers?

And you would like people to brainstorm how to stop it?

As conversation can flow, perhaps they will contribute in that direct way, but it is difficult to control or stop people from responding on this sensitive topic with their own experience of violence.

My ex partner was in jail and claims he is innocent, and his wife abused him, and also claims re drug chargers that they were false etc - he abused me with SA so i don't know i believe his innocence. He coerced me in different ways. Protecting men from false accusations as a goal is something you are welcome to discuss with those here on the terms you have outlined. I hope that you get answers that are better suited. Life is complex.

Wow, that sounds like a really difficult situation you are in @ForUs88 . I can see how much you care for your partner, and understand how distressing it is to see him being falsely accused.

I dont know much about how police handle DV or their mindsets, as its not something I have a lived experience of.

I am trying to better understand the situation your partner is in. It sounds like he has been accused of DV to someone other than you, is that correct? Is that a historical claim, or "currently happening" claim?

Im not sure how change for mindsets in the system can be influenced. I am guessing they undergo some training programs, so maybe advocacy through training program providers for increased awareness of how to be sensitive to all parties and how to respectfully investigate claims and if there are techniques for detecting if the situation is not as claimed??

To @AlwaysMyself thank you for your questions.

First off no it's not against someone else it's supposedly against me.

It's an on going unfolding matter happening now to us and how it happened is the blanket policy approach to real DV that's like a fishing net trying to catch sharks but still catches more fish than sharks. It usually happens when the male has mental health issues too. As these are deeply discriminated against by the police where we are, since mental health isn't a crime they usually fake other charges usually DV.

This is the situation I am trying to address not to prevent protection measures for real DV but to change the policy that's harming more innocent men than the bad ones and then when it happens by mistake or in a lot of sad cases out of police ignorance and prejudice they just shrug and say well we ment well in trying to protect people in real DV they then trap the innocent man and his family into this terrible mess because no one listens the instant DV is mentioned.

He's currently being wrongfully branded with something that follows a man for life.

He is innocent that makes this very wrong.

Furthermore, people get so hung up on the narrative that they don't listen to me either.

They think I'm just a battered woman who does not know what she is talking about, but one can't be a battered woman if you've not been battered.

You'd think that would matter but they then don't want to own that they made a mistake and overturning the matter becomes incredibly hard with no one listening and then using fake FVO to keep parties apart, refuse him lawyers and drag him through court before I - the ONLY witness, and the only one with the proof this is an error - is notified.

Massive, brutal mess because of a policy that hasn't been thought through and letting abuse of police slide.

I am trying to fix, both my partner's case but the policy itself. To adapt it to target the sharks not the sweet fish.

I hope this clears up any misunderstandings or answers your questions.

Thank you for explaining that abit more @ForUs88 , I understand it abit better now. 🙂

It must be so frustraiting trying to tell the police that your partner is not abusive to you, and having them not believe you and still persecuting your husband.

I imagine (to play devils advocate / see the alternative perspective) that the police see many DV cases where the victim is scared to speak up and press charges due to fear or dependence, and that could be a reason why they might have a "default mode" (not saying this is a good or bad thing) of intervening if they are not certain.

If so, the root issue there is how can the police become certain/assured that there is legitimately no DV occurring in your case (and some other cases where this may also happen). 🤔 i dont know because i dont know how the system works, how their thinking works, or what policies they operate under which may be restricting their autonomy to decide.

Have you asked the police why they believe your partner is committing DV? (I.e. their "evidence")

Have you asked them how (or what it would take) for you to prove to them that there is genuinely no DV? Could letters from you doctors or close friends/family help support this?

I know that only addresses the immediate with your partner, not the bigger systemic issue. But I wonder if first resolving this incident may then put you in a better place (both with less stress as well as the added experience of know what does finally help convince them) to then advocate for system/policy improvements?

I wonder what advocacy or public-working-groups are already existing that have connections into the federal policy system? Maybe you could join one of them to help support and advocate?

@AlwaysMyself

All that is fantastic advise, I am already doing it however and they have no evidence that's half the point. They are trying to claim I am to blame but those words never crossed my lips so it is hard to prove something that never was it's reached the point they are in too deep to admit error now would be very publicly embarrassing so they make up whatever to delay me or make me give up.

*Just so you know, because I have found that incorrect statements tend to cause a lot of issues, not that you did anything wrong but he's not my husband (yet) that actually makes it harder being just the girlfriend in their eyes gives me less to work with, we are committed to each other for four years and counting actually just like a marriage but due to his illnesses titles are complicated for him. They use this against us too.

I appreciate your help and support even though you might not have any other information or help to offer your kindness and talking about the matter dose help a lot. If you want to know anything more I'm happy to talk.

Oopps, sorry @ForUs88! I usually try to use the word "partner" if im not sure of marriage (or sometimes gender identities too!) - sorry I missed on that one, and thank you for your grace in letting me know without getting upset/angry at me. �

That's very rough if you're doing all you can and its still continuing. Sounds super stressful 😞 .

It is very frustrating when people dig themselves in deeper and deeper because they cant or dont want to admit they were wrong. And to be in such a painful and harmful topic too. 😞

How are you coping with the stress and impact it has on you and your partner? Holding up OK?

Is there something I can help with (even if its just listening to anything you need to vent)?