I am not doing so well

@oceangirl Yes a really bad nightmare!

It's what we have planned to start dealing with next week in my next appointment. She's organised for an extra long one to try and start sorting it out but I'm not sure if I can handle it.

I talked to my GP yesterday about what is planned and told her I was having some concerns - she is on the same page as me. I did have a minor crash when I got home yesterday but I thought I had managed to pull myself back up really well. Then last night I had 'one of those' nightmares and I couldn't breathe - I think you know why! It was one of the worst nights I have had for a long, long time. Still feeling the effects now -- my throat is sore and I still feel sick - have done all day. I thought last night before I went to bed I was still feeling sick from the meds but maybe it was a combination of both.

So I really am just doing what I have to do to get through tonight - I'll sleep when I can - even if that is tomorrow during the day.

@Zoe7

I am here with you and just try to relax a little.

I understand how the nightmares affect you and your PTSD. I wish your appointment was sooner with your specialist so that she could sort out your meds. I did the same when my sleep was really bad too, I just slept when I could and I did the things when I could too. I know after xmas we where sleeping after when the sun came up. Its 1.30am in Tassie now so hopefully you can try to get some sleep in the next few hrs.

Would putting the TV on or radio in the background help, and perhaps take a shower and just curl up in bed? I am here listening sis and do you need a distraction?

OMG How many nights did we spend watching the sun come up and then get a few hours sleep!!! I think we thought we were teenagers again some nights

The new meds are actually helping a lot more than the old ones. I have been generally feeling a lot calmer - and starting to feel less tired through the day - as long as I don't do too much. Last night really did come out of the blue! I think it has affected me so much because it was so unexpected. It took me a while to get to sleep but I really thought I was quite calm and not anxious when I did go to bed.

Sh*t - I haven't even asked how you are doing today - sooooo sorry!!!!

What you been up to and how are you travelling atm?

@Zoe7

What was the weather like today?

What do you have planned for over the weekend

Don't think too much ahead for Monday and just take things slow. Have you worked out a treatment plan and goals for what yu want to achieve. I hope she is able to help you and the sessions are helpful for you- after seeing her do you feel you can interact with people better?

@oceangirl It was quite mild today - low 20's but sunny most of the day. Supposed to be the same tomorrow then reaching the high 20s for the reast of the week - perfect weather!!

I was actually going to go to see a Monet Documentary Film tomorrow but I was too late to book and it was sold out - I know... not something you would like - arty farty argh! Probably a good thing now though as I don't think I could have handled being in a dark room with strangers!

I am planning on trying to tackle the spare room and get some of it sorted. I have made a start - I moved a few things from one side of the room to the other lol. If it is not windy I might even go out into the garden. Will have to see if I get any sleep and how tired I am first.

Generally after my sessions I don't want to interact with any one - except my GP who seems to settle me down a little. Had a friend who did this also for a while which really helped - and I do really miss that connection, interaction, and trust. It has been quite an empty feeling without it.

I am finding I can interact better with some people - the staff at the medical centre I see nearly every day and I am more social with them now. I think I am getting better but still very wary of people in general.

@Zoe7

We stayed up many nights and hopefully I will get to see some more sunrises too with you sis- we where like big kids again. Last wednesday I was up at 5.30am or should say I was almost down at the gym training and I stayed there until 7.30am and then I went to the hospital. I know you are in shock because I stayed awake all day. I actually really good for a while and last week even better, I had some spark and energy back.

I am glad the new meds are working well for you and your GP must care a lot about you- I am happy she makes you happy. It may have been because you where thinking about your session coming up on Monday. I have forgot to take my medication for about one wk and I'll have try again to take it- I need to stay on it for at least 6 wks before it levels out for me.

I am glad to see we are back on our word list (letter s) Sh*t lol. My day was up & down, I did post my niece some clothes for my baby nephew and payed bills and bought myself and Kira a pie for lunch. I had phone call from specialist and she wants me to try some anti anxiety meds when I need them- I collected script from her and I am not keen to start them. I think they could set me back and I realy don't want that. I do have another appointment Monday to see her.

I have Kira tucked up beside me in bed and she is snoring her little head off atm, she is so adorable- my peanut lol. I love her to bits ❤️

We were like big kids again - some of the best weeks of my life @oceangirl

OMG - did I just read that right - up at 5.30 and at the gym .............. WTF?

OOOOHHHHH - the letter lists lol lol lol That really made me laugh - thanks for that

I know how much you hate the thought of meds - go with what you feel you need to do. Is the script for a small dose?I still have some anti-anxiety meds which I haven't taken for weeks and have chosen not to even when things are quite bad. My GP did say to take them with me to my appointment - just in case - and I will do that and see how I feel there. My appointment is actually Wednesday so I have a few days to get through first. Hopefully I can settle a bit over the weekend and be a bit calmer when I get there on wed.

How have the appointments with your specialist been going - any progress?

Kira ... pie ... lunch ... spoilt ... no surprises there lol Trouble is never far away

@Zoe7 I am glad to hear the weather has been mild and looks like you are in for some warmer weather next week. Hopefully some nice beach walks !!!

You might be right about the documentary but I might be intereted in a film. I know my artist ability is limited.I think some exercise and sunshine tomorrow and some veggies might be good for you. You might be able to see the film soon when you are feeling better.

OMG you just made me laugh with your sorting ability from moving your things from one side of the room to the other. I remember a friend coming to stay with me when we where kids and at time we where living in our caravn waiting for our house to be built, and she told me cleaned our room she just moved her stuff from one side of the caravan to the other that was her saying to me she cleaned our room lol. She dumped her sh*t on my side lol.

I would have thought that after seeing your therapist that you would feel better and I know when I have seen someone I have felt more comfortable after seeing them and just people who I have not necessay know I have been able to interact with them better. As you progress I think you will notice how you slowly start to interact with others better, I think you have because when you walk Toby down at the beach and interactions you where having down there.

@oceangirl I just woke Toby up laughing so much... I just imagined you in the caravan under a whole lot of sh*t and your head sticking out going WTF to your friend!!! lol lol lol - I'm still laughing...

I do interact better with people at the beach now. I seem to be able to interact ok with people I don't know - for short periods of time - maybe because I know I can walk away at any time and be on my own again. I certainly have opened up more at the medical centre - there is I suppose that sense of trust now that I have been going there for so long and it is usually my only interaction with people.

I'm still eating my vegies - love my steamed vegies - yummy!!! So YES MUM I will have some tomorrow!

And get some sun!!!!

You really should be getting some sleep sis - it's nearly 2am (your time). I'm ok. I can occupy myself for a while. I actually feela bit better now - you have done it again

It was some of the best weeks of my life too @Zoe7

Yes you did read that right and I didn't even need to push myself to get up and go, I was up for about 30mins before I left I was up at 5.00am and I went to bed at 10.30pm.

I am still working on my verbal fluency list and got out some old primary text books and I have been doing some maths and english questions. At nights I have been coloring in.

I have one scipt with about 50 tablets and small dose and no repeats. I am not sure why I though your appointment is for Wednesday when do you see your GP again. I think some exercise tomorrow and slowly increase it- you could add a fitness app to your mobile, I think the app is adf fitness app.

I am no longer doing any day programs from Thursday and we have not made much progress we did make some headway early in Jan but not much since. I phoned clinic today re admission I will have assessment this weekend to possible go into hospital and I am bit scared not been an inpatient for almsot two years.

Little trouble not too far away she got up before she heard some lolly wrappers lol