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SADNESS AND GRIEF TRIGGERED

Frankie098New Contributor28 June 2025, 4:14 pm AEST

SADNESS AND GRIEF TRIGGERED

Hi all, I am new here to the forums but have used the SANE helpline a few times with positive experience had.

I am a 56 year old woman who has a diagnosis of CPTSD and Persistent Depression. I have had a tremendous amount of recovery in the last 15 years.

I don't have living family beyond my older brother and his wife in another state. It has been part of my struggle, not being 'normal ' in terms of having family. I know that I idealise the notion of family and being loved and belonging but nevertheless it feels hard...not having the real right to others, to attach or ask too much...

To cut to the chase, I tried renting 2 rooms to 2 uni students on a rural health placement. It actually turned out amazingly relaxed and harmonious living. They were much younger than me but we got along well. It was very refreshing.

The stay finished up yesterday.

I was happy to have my house back and see them be successful and ready to move on.

But today I feel so sad and teary. I miss them and know it's over.

It was good to do it and be around others but now I feel pain from lots of losses of the past being seemingly repeated. I know intellectually it is not the same but emotionally it feels like I am right back there.

I needed somewhere to bring this, with people who may understand.

Painful right now. Thanks for reading

3 replies

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In response to: SADNESS AND GRIEF TRIGGERED

JynxModerator28 June 2025, 4:35 pm AEST

Re: SADNESS AND GRIEF TRIGGERED

Hi @Frankie098 welcome to the forums, glad to have you with us 😊

So, that whole 'feeling like you're right back there' is SO normal. If you want a more in-depth explanation you can look into stuff like trauma memory and emotional flashbacks, but in essence, you feel that way because for part of your brain, the more unconscious part, that past experience has taken over, and it is like you're feeling those feelings allll over again. I call this bit the lizard brain (it controls our breathing, digestion, and our fight/flight/freeze/fawn response), and lizard brain cannot tell the difference between past sorrows and present ones. Lizard brain also doesn't always listen to logic. It's our feeling brain after all.

I am hearing how heavy it is. Our social relationships are as much a need as safe shelter and food to eat. Losing those connections is a painful one, especially if you haven't got a lot of other people who you feel close to in your life. I am sorry that it is so hard. But I am so glad you found this space, this community is always so warm and accepting. I hope you can find some nice connections here too 😊💜

In response to: SADNESS AND GRIEF TRIGGERED

RiverSealModerator28 June 2025, 4:39 pm AEST

Re: SADNESS AND GRIEF TRIGGERED

Hey @Frankie098, thanks for sharing your experiences with the community!

It takes real courage to be vulnerable and share our challenges, and you are being really brave by reaching out to your peers. I can relate to your situation, and I feel alone when friends are not around. My family live interstate and I have experienced a lot of isolation through my recovery.

It's great to hear that you have had a lot of recovery over the years and are getting people to come and stay with you. It sounds exciting and rewarding to support people in working towards their goals.

You also might like to introduce yourself here: https://saneforums.org/t5/Welcome-and-getting-started/Welcome-Introduce-yourself-here/m-p/1149480

I believe the community will have some insights to share with you too!

Take care

RiverSeal

In response to: Re: SADNESS AND GRIEF TRIGGERED

NorajohnsonNew Contributor28 June 2025, 10:03 pm AEST

Re: SADNESS AND GRIEF TRIGGERED

Sadness and grief can be triggered by a wide range of events and situations, not just the death of a loved one. These triggers can include bereavement, relationship breakups, loss of health or financial stability, and even monkey type unexpected changes in routine. The experience of grief is highly personal, and what triggers one person's grief may not be the same for another. While you can't avoid grief triggers altogether, you can learn to recognize, cope with, and sit with them in a way that's compassionate and healing.

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