Marriage problems & loss of loved ones

TW: mentions death, domestic violence and abuse

Hi I'm new hear so don't know if this is how it works but I'm sure I will figure it out.

My marriage is In the worst state right about now. We have looked after hubby's mum for 3/4 years and I was her carer for most of that time.

Problems started with his siblings and 2 turned so nasty. Mum started showing signs of dementia and they used that to their advantage.

I stood tall and kept carering for her with all the love i could. i made sure to keep mindful of her dignity at all times. I definitely did NOT do this for money but i did get the pension for her and worked 2 days a week as well as having 5 kids.

I new if I did t step up to help her she would be in a home. Lost happened so to much to say right here but it caused so many problems with our marriage

February mum passed away.

My husband seemed to handle it well but yeah I thought to well.

I tried not showing my grief but her death shattered me. We were extremely close before I became carer and got closer during this until dementia got very bad that is.

Nothing she said or did efforts me now as she just wasn't mum anymore unfortunately but I still loved and cared for her. If I got upset or hurt I walk away then go back.

But my husband said it was a weight lifted off his shoulders and with sounding uncaring I did get what he meant.

The sisters couldn't get to us

We could consecrate on the kids and our marriage.at first he was ok but nothing.is honestly ok.

I understand he's hurting and I feel for him

He's moody ect so I'm trying to be patient, loving and understanding.

I bend over backwards to hold him, listen to him and I find ways (like a romantic night away that's been years since we did anything)

It's been so cruel and nasty to me that I'm at the point I can't take much more.

He says I'm not there for him. I can't go anywhere with out him.

And today I had an employment agency appointment to sign up and he text me asking were I was

Then said in text that I wasn't even in an appointment a d who am I really with.

When I got out (I had no idea about his text as it's a. Employment agency as if I had my phone out to text.)

He went off like many other time. I should of returned his text and I'm putrid because I didn't ect ect. This keeps happening and I try to keep calm but it gets to the point that I'm gutted because I do everything I can to support him.

He got physical a few weeks back but says oh I trod on you when you fell bur that was far from what happened.

I've got a work room making clock and other things and he trashed it.

2 times it happened.

He's never been like this but now he's got so much anger towards me yet all I have done is be there for him

I've done this as we through all this that I fully admit I shouldn't have so I know I'm no angle but seriously it's nothing to what's I've been put through.

His loss isn't justification for the cruel hurtful things

I don't know where to go from here but counselling is a start for me personally as he warn me down so much I've got nothing left I me to give. I need to somehow recoop. I need to stop and look after myself but I don't know how

He's broken my heart.