✨Sunday Intention Setting✨

hi @AuntGlow

i feel that i am a child still especially when in a negative mood or i am emotional, overwhelmed, depressed etc.

i think that is because i crave and want love, support, attention from certain loved ones

i feel that i am back at an early age (not sure this makes sense)

i feel ok and happy when my 8 yr old granddaughter (little A) is with me as i can be like a child with her. she gives me unconditional non judgemental hugs and love.

@AuntGlow I haven’t engaged in this space for a while or anywhere near as much as I’d ideally love to, but I believe the last time I did the intention of the week was about connecting with the inner child (?). and well it’s been quite a journey ☺️

I recently heard some major news about something to do with an old childhood obsession of mine kinda coming back, and I didn’t realise how much JOY it could bring me. having those memories of something I was so passionate about and why I was so passionate about it as a kid just come straight back to the forefront has helped me remember some of the hobbies and special interests I used to dedicate my time to before my mental health took over. that has been super helpful for me in my recovery 😍 for the first time in a decade I’m considering working towards being a dancer again which is something I gave up on when I was younger even though I was moments away from having the opportunity to tour the US and perform with my theatre there as I got bullied a lot for being into dancing (kids will really find anything to pick on other kids for won’t they?). even if I’m not ever physically well enough to do it on an academic level again, just being able to work towards making regular enough time to use dance as my main form of exercise would be enough for me. I forgot how it makes me so happy.

there has been some more difficult parts to it, like realisations about certain triggers that make me upset and why I react to stress the way that I do due to experiences in my childhood. and why for so long I have abstained from things that made me happy in the first place. it’s not an easy thing to face but I try my best not to be too hard on myself about these things.

so the theme of just noticing for this week is spot on for me right now! not just in terms of healing my inner child but I also love the idea of trying to hold more notice for things that do and don’t make me feel good/better. as someone with physical chronic illness as well as mental, not to mention being a daily carer for a loved one, admittedly this theme can be hard for me. even learning about self care seems to be a hard concept for me at times as my life can get pretty chaotic enough for self care to be the last thing on my mind more often than not and can make it difficult for me to even know what methods of self care feel right for me!

so as I put the effort into carving self care and me-time this week I will also put a focus on noticing how different things make me feel ☺️ whether that’s taking notice when something I’m doing is pushing the level of physical energy spoons I have or how a chosen self care activity is making me feel.

hopefully I remember to report back this time next week but if not I will try to whenever I get a spare chance in my busy schedule after that, love your work as always @AuntGlow 💗

Hi @AuntGlow

Thank you for inviting me to this.

Today I have spent the majority of the day in my own space.
I'm noticing I feel disconnected from the world, and no thought of connection feels that it would change that. A few messages from friends, one just called.
Life admin, went to the gym.
I've noticed the quiet, the silence feels really uncomfortable right now.
I have read, watched a few episodes of a series for distraction.
I'm aware that many people love time like this, away from all the busy-ness of life.
My social cup is full from the last few days, yet, feels empty at the same time.

In my body, I feel pressure on the sides of my neck, a tightness in my knees.
I had a nap earlier and woke up with a raising heart beat. I don't recall if/what I dreamt and it was unsettling.

In a long way, I've noticed that I find time alone lonely, made a bit frustrating by being emotionally tired.

"I know things have been overwhelming this week, so I am curious to know if you were able to slow down at all over the weekend?"

Thankyou for asking, Aunt Glow. Hmm "slowing down"?... well since seeing my new psychologist Wednesday and starting to face and process my schemas I've focussed on selfcare (and homecare as selfcare). So I'm starting to reconnect with routines. With the easing of some anxiety I'm calmer, I feel my breathing and heart rate have slowed and I'm actually getting more done!

Noticing? Good call. Two things come to mind. I want to be aware of when I'm copping out by doomscrolling - which I think becomes a dissociative state for me. And I want to stay with uncomfortable feelings and snippets of memory long enough to process them and have an idea of where they're coming from. The psychologist has suggested EMDR and noticing could help me get ready for it.

@AuntGlow I will try.

I'm saying this because I'm noticing that I'm feeling really overwhelmed about adding anything else to my plate right now. I feel like I only have energy for work and for looking for work for next year. Anything else on top of that sends me into a spin and makes me feel swamped. This is coming up in many aspects at the moment, including an upcoming GP appointment and starting lawn bowls commitments again after having a two week break.

@AuntGlow At church today my being was shifting through a whole range of feelings as different things were happening. I maintained reasonable composure on duty as the organist again. So I noticed the flow of my feelings, whether it be related to the music, the playing, the readings or the preaching.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L9WLVBfLaLE

I played this, the hymns and the trumpet voluntary, but not on a proper pipe organ.

I noticed the lady who had been mean and complained a month ago, and probably played a few more wrong notes from anxiety about her, but overall it was good enough and I talked with 2 people on the music team, so had some human connection and a cuppa. One of those on the music team had been a bit territorial when I first arrived at the church 4 1/2 years ago, but is being decent now, partly cos I was assertive with her a couple years ago. The new conductor has always been lovely, fair and collegial. Noticing the ups and downs of interpersonal dynamics, but me being moderately steady and functional, regardless. Learning to let it be their problems, rather than my family and I having ALL the problems. Then I went to visit a vulnerable friend who had not been well enough to get to church.

Hello @AuntGlow been a bit extra tired from meds stuff and life stressors so not posting as much.

With study, as more units were introduced I found what they were teaching did not align with what really happens in the workplace. I know they have to teach this but I have worked in a broad range of industries and roles and what is proposed in theory for the most part is not put into practice. I could not listen to it anymore. I would be agitated in class and walk out frustrated and feeling like I was a fraud sitting there having to listen to this and acknowledge my presence in the classroom. I could not deal with the fakeness anymore. So I withdrew.

Volunteering is good for the most part. Most beneficial parts are I am getting out, almost socialising with other people that want to contribute to the community as well. It can be really fun, especially working in the candy bar, I get to work with a variety of people, do a variety of shifts and meet people who are usually in a good mood as they are there to take some time away from life and do something nice for themselves. Watch a show, move or performance 😊

@AuntGlow my intention is to grieve the loss of my uncle who passed away Saturday and try not to feel overwhelmed.

I'm very sorry for your loss @ENKELI sending you lots of 💜

@AuntGlow Hello lovely how are you?

Yes the medication changes are still brutal. The supposedly ongoing mental health local service can’t support people for more than 6 months so I’m being booted off mid taper and left completely with no support other than SANE. I’m terrified and feeling multiple withdrawal symptoms. It’s so very unfair.

My GP isnt collaborative. They are in a big rush to decrease my medicine more and my body just isn’t ready.

The support here from the community is absolutely amazing.