✨Sunday Intention Setting✨

I’ve had a realization about my past, and I’m just wondering if anyone else can relate.

@MissGremlin @TAB @ENKELI @Bunniekins @Meowmy @Glisten @Cuddlebear

@AuntGlow @Appleblossom @Chasingsunsets @Cuddlebear

It’s about the weird, unconscious self-care I did when things were in some years —- hard.

I’d be driving around, seeing people, physically ill as was my job

but I wasn't coping. But I realized I would automatically pop on guided meditations. Not processing the words, too tired to even choose it consciously, but repeatedly playing them, sometimes for five minutes at a time, just to fill the gaps in between jobs.

Perhaps it’s what I needed to do inbetween therapy sessions

Did my body know what my mind didn't? Was that my instinct kicking in?

The contradiction is what’s still getting me: How was I doing that small, positive coping while simultaneously

being hyper vigilant all the time,

stuck in survival mode?

My state of mind - I was thoughtless, entitled,

I was hyper villigent.

I was selfish

I could not stop and relax

I tried to be kind

I look at today and wonder: Am I still doing those things ?

how did it stop ?

The actions or internal thoughts that made me judge myself

I thought I was stupid, I thought I was fat, unattractive.

Maybe they aren't failures at all. Maybe those behaviors—those automatic movements of popping on these self guided meditations were actually just enough effort. The absolute line between feeling I was barely surviving

Jon Kabat Zinn ( my therapist and I argue who turned him onto our weekly self care

( it was me)

Has anyone else looked back and realized their deepest struggle was also their most effective coping mechanism?

I am working very hard on not being hyper villigent

Intuition usually works around here hey @ENKELI

@ENKELI How are you lovely? Are you ok?

I would absolutely love for you to pray for me. Please do. I feel so unwell from all of this. Your prayers would mean the world to me. Xx

@Cuddlebear

Here with you.
you so deserve many people loving you

has any go or specialist asked you how your travelling ?
@AuntGlow @ENKELI @Appleblossom @Chasingsunsets

@Meowmy i think of you every time I come to a cafe early in the morning

they are playing Elvis : the cafe whilst I drink a lovely coffee

@Cuddlebear you are in my prayers sweetheart.

I am good, a bit tired because I woke up at 5.30 this morning but I know I'll sleep well tonight at least.

I am applying for jobs and hoping one comes about soon.

Take care and I hope today is even a tiny bit better than yesterday xo 🫂

I would love to be able to support posts @Cuddlebear @ENKELI @Chasingsunsets @AuntGlow

@PeppyPatti I reflect a lot on my therapeutic journey as well. I do think there are instincts or inner knowledges that can help heal us. Maybe it’s like the skin of the body repairing itself. It knew you were still working through the hyper vigilance and knew listening and hearing the guided meditations would eventually sink in a bit. Gradually, as you were doing all your busyness. Then later you could reflect on it and include it more in your life.

I found trauma informed parts work helpful. It now doesn’t seem strange to me that these

parts of ourselves are quite different and all floating around at the same time…

Just gently suggesting working too hard on not being hyper vigilant, might be a contradiction. Letting go gradually of the need to be on alert, by having safety and being able to relax because there are no threats seems key.

Ach… what a lot of stories we have.

gently bently

💙🍎

Yes @Appleblossom

@you make sense.
I get it. But there would be no way I could have had your experiences : care for your son and grandson 2 daughters : musicals and piano.

Nope.

gently Bentley

snooze time ……

@AuntGlow @ENKELI @Cuddlebear @Chasingsunsets

@ENKELI so proud of you following your instincts.
Every afternoon between 2 and 6:30pm intorwebs are a challenge to load.

Considering my Cognitive impairment I’m doing well 😁 with packing.

My eyes said I need to go to sleep.

@Glisten when you are not so sleepy, please let me know about your move, where you are going etc etc. Do I need to send MM and muffins?

@PeppyPatti I first encountered meditation at Raj yoga, during my early 20s. I had visited some Buddhist temples in Asia, and gradually incorporated regular meditation in my life. I would not have survived without it. But I am not hung up about which style of spirituality is best or right. I saw lots of suffering and looked for anything that was Good. Simply and quietly. This morning I did my colour meditation through the chakras.

The old man who was a retired minister who died recently from church, was also in the interfaith movement. He gave my long and varied journey of seeking some legitimacy. It wasn’t just my weird marginalised existence, we had good intelligent talks. We did social justice task group and a Peace choir inclusive event together. At one event I met a guy from Hare Krishna who I knew from the 1970s. Their temple was just down the road from my place. Same about not getting het up, about which church. I have never had the power or position to be “right”, just quietly seeking.

@Cuddlebear Sending gentle thoughts and hugs

@AuntGlow @ENKELI @Glisten