I ruined everything

God i hate how much i miss my partner. I know she isn't my partner any more. But I dont want to call her my ex. I cang stop thinking about her. She is all I can think about. All that I want. And I cannot contact her. She has me blocked completely. I miss her smile, her laugh, her smell. I miss everything about her and I just dont want to go on without her.

I hate myself everyday for what I did. And I just dont want to be without her. I am so alone. I have nobody to talk to. Nobody who cares. Everyone has walked away from me, and I deserve that. But God it makes everything lonely.

She is and always will be my world.

Hello @Legoguy,

My heart really feels for you today. What you are going through is so nuanced, and I can see, very painful too. It would be so incredibly jarring to not have your person there anymore. There is so much grief that accompanies this kind of change. Please know that what you are going through is one of the hardest human experiences... so you're allowed to take time to be messy, to not know, to feel broken, and to heal.

I am sure you miss her terribly, and it would be very isolating to feel like everyone has left you without support. I am so glad you have our community to turn to right now.

I know that healing won't happen overnight, and that there are many things you are processing around what's happened... but I am wondering what you need most tonight?

Know that I am here for you.

It would also be really helpful to know if you are safe with these bigger thoughts and feelings. 💛

Hey @Legoguy, sounds like you are going through a really tough situation at the moment!

I have had some big breakups myself and can relate to how you are feeling right now. How do you think you can manage these emotions that you are feeling? I see that you acknowledge that these Forums and are grateful. I know that contact with others was really helpful for me when I was feeling vulnerable and overwhelmed.

RiverSeal

This has been my worst breakup. Mainly because this one was my fault. I know she will never trust me again. That I can deal with. I can keep showing her every day that I can change.

What I cant deal with is that she wont speak or message me or let me show her that I can change. That I made a huge mistake and that I regret everything and that I want to spend the rest of my life making it up to her because she is the only woman that I want.

I can deal with never speaking to anyone else again. But losing her, that is what is breaking me. Every day I can feel a little more of myself slipping away.

I know I should be looking at the good things in my life and be thankful for what I have. But she is my heart and soul. Without her, I am just an empty shell of a man.

I can so relate to how you feel and what you are going through @Legoguy as I have been in a very similar situation. Thinking about what you can control vs want you can control may be beneficial for you. Maybe make a list in two columns and see what you come up with, and reflect on what is helpful right now. When we want something from someone else, they have power over us, and that can make us feel vulnerable and overwhelmed at times. I don't necessarily have the answers for you, but those are some reflections from my lived experience. RiverSeal

I'm sorry to hear about your loss. I read the grief you are experiencing. You are certainly not alone in how you feel, yet I recognise this doesn't make things easier for you.

I read that focussing on uni can be a helpful distraction. Is there anything else you can think of?

We are here for you if you need some company as you work through this difficult time @Legoguy