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Managing thoughts of suicide & self-harm

I feel upset

The-red-centaurSenior Contributor14 May 2025, 7:41 pm AEST

I feel upset

Getting better and having hope is great until it all gets ripped out from under you.

Content/trigger warning

I feel so triggered, thoughts of hurting myself are surfacing and it's hard to sit with. I have made a lot of progress in not self harming over the last 6 or so months.

Most of that change began when I changed ndis providers in august after my old provider was forced to shutdown and I was relocated.

I got news this afternoon that my current provider will no longer be able to provide my Supported Independent Living. I have like a week or so to find a new provider and move (No set deadlines but it's like an asap thing) I really liked it here and i love my support team and the location is perfect for me coz a lot of my social supports are

In this area.

I'm blaming myself. I'm feeling like I've lost my safety net and lost control of my life once again.

What is also hard is my support staff don't know about it. I can't talk to my support worker about how I feel and get support to calm down. I tried to play a board game and distract myself but it just too much and im overstimulated now and everything hurts.

Content/trigger warning

I'm ashamed I'm getting these urges. It's been a while since I've acted on them. I'd love to just fully disassociate and hurt myself like I used to. I know I shouldn't and there are better ways to cope but the loss of control is triggering parts of myself that haven't appeared in a while.

I'm kinda scared.