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Managing thoughts of suicide & self-harm

I feel upset

The-red-centaurSenior Contributor14 May 2025, 7:41 pm AEST

I feel upset

Getting better and having hope is great until it all gets ripped out from under you.

Content/trigger warning

I feel so triggered, thoughts of hurting myself are surfacing and it's hard to sit with. I have made a lot of progress in not self harming over the last 6 or so months.

Most of that change began when I changed ndis providers in august after my old provider was forced to shutdown and I was relocated.

I got news this afternoon that my current provider will no longer be able to provide my Supported Independent Living. I have like a week or so to find a new provider and move (No set deadlines but it's like an asap thing) I really liked it here and i love my support team and the location is perfect for me coz a lot of my social supports are

In this area.

I'm blaming myself. I'm feeling like I've lost my safety net and lost control of my life once again.

What is also hard is my support staff don't know about it. I can't talk to my support worker about how I feel and get support to calm down. I tried to play a board game and distract myself but it just too much and im overstimulated now and everything hurts.

Content/trigger warning

I'm ashamed I'm getting these urges. It's been a while since I've acted on them. I'd love to just fully disassociate and hurt myself like I used to. I know I shouldn't and there are better ways to cope but the loss of control is triggering parts of myself that haven't appeared in a while.

I'm kinda scared.

22 replies

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In response to: I feel upset

rav3nSenior Contributor16 May 2025, 10:01 pm AEST

Re: I feel upset

@The-red-centaur your life does matter. it matters heaps to me. it matters heaps to our community.

it's okay to take a moment to feel that frustration and exhaustion, to pause and give yourself a break. struggling isn't a sign of going backwards, and maybe it might take a bit of time to find your way forward again but that's okay - you can sit in the middle and catch your breath.

please do look after yourself and stay safe - i unfortunately have to hop off now, wish i could sit with you longer but i will be thinking of you. and please don't hesitate to reach out to a helpline if things get too heavy, you are NOT alone. sending you lots of love and healing energy 💗

In response to: Re: I feel upset

The-red-centaurSenior Contributor16 May 2025, 10:03 pm AEST

Re: I feel upset

@rav3n thanks for listening. I know you guys get busy and have times you allowed on. Take care and sleep well.

In response to: Re: I feel upset

rav3nSenior Contributor18 May 2025, 8:14 pm AEST

Re: I feel upset

hey @The-red-centaur how are you going? hoping you got some rest this weekend 💙

In response to: Re: I feel upset

The-red-centaurSenior Contributor22 May 2025, 10:45 pm AEST

Re: I feel upset

Hey sorry its taken a while to reply with something.

I've been looking at my options going forward. I've been having discussions with my current provider and other providers. It's been stressful and I've been having to deal with a few other stressors.

I feel like it's too hard to think straight. My mind can't focus (way less than usual) and i feel sick and just too tired. I feel so mentally foggy and I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing

In response to: Re: I feel upset

The-red-centaurSenior Contributor24 May 2025, 8:13 pm AEST

Re: I feel upset

I can't deal with things anymore. On top of it I have developed a cold or flu and I feel rubbish.

My life feels like it's crashing around me. I need to find some sense of control. My thoughts are heading to a dark space and I feel like I can't do much about it.

I don't want to fight it anymore.

In response to: Re: I feel upset

RiverSealModerator24 May 2025, 8:20 pm AEST

Re: I feel upset

Hey @The-red-centaur, sorry you are feeling this way, and it sounds like a tough time. What do you think you can do to get through this evening? RiverSeal

In response to: Re: I feel upset

The-red-centaurSenior Contributor24 May 2025, 11:00 pm AEST

Re: I feel upset

@RiverSeal i sent a message to my support worker and we had a chat. I'm just stressed and being sick makes me really moody. Not a great combo.

In response to: Re: I feel upset

The-red-centaurSenior Contributor25 May 2025, 4:35 pm AEST

Re: I feel upset

I just called mental health emergency response line. They told me to ED, idk if I can. I can't do this rn. They didn't even try to talk. Idk what I need but hospital sounds like it will just make things worse. Gah. I hate how things are going but I feel like I have no control of it.

Idk kinda can't deal.

In response to: Re: I feel upset

AuntGlowModerator25 May 2025, 4:47 pm AEST

Re: I feel upset

Hello @The-red-centaur, thank you for sharing this with us. It really seems like you're needing someone to sit and listen, and to help you feel safe right now - is that right?

It's an awful feeling not being listened to and feeling palmed off... I am sorry that you didn't feel heard.

Does it help at all to look at the things you can control in this moment?

Also, it's okay, you don't have to deal with this alone - we've got you. 💛

In response to: Re: I feel upset

rav3nSenior Contributor27 May 2025, 7:29 pm AEST

Re: I feel upset

hey @The-red-centaur been thinking of you. sounds like it's been rough lately, wish things smoother for you. sending you some gentle hugs 💗

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