Flower is taking a break

Hi @Former-Member

So sorry for your loss, you have done well to express your feelings here and my heart goes out to you.

I too am approaching the anniversary of the loss of my farther (12 years), he was only 57. This is something I have not had the opportunity to properly deal with in all this time so sharing your feelings of loss at the moment.

I really like the way you want to "feel your feelings".

Sometimes we need time out for that. Mourning can also have a nostalgic aspect.

I was so used to my dad being dead, that it wasnt until later that I realised 45 was very young for a man to die. So I deliberately started digging up information.

Now I understand his story it has put his diagnosis of schizophrenia in a different light .. from the child struggling to understand difficult concepts... and without guidance.

It has also had tremendous importance for my understanding of the genetic heritability of mental illness.

Good Luck on your journey .. regardless of your decsion .. I really enjoyed the quality of your presence on the forum.

Heres a pic I posted elsewhere .. but I am excited about being in touch with my visual side .. lol

Cheers

Thank you all for your lovely messages, for sharing and for the painting.

Sitting with myself and the sadness, numbness and at times I was even stunned, eventually ended in anger and then rage. Later on in the evening I shut my thoughts down and I feel the aftermath this morning and I am still angry.

My head hurts and I cannot stand it when I cannot make sense of my thoughts and my world and my history.

Here sitting with you @Former-Member if you need...

Thinking of you and sending you my love

Zoe

Hi @Former-Member, how are you today? Reading through the thread it seems like you've been on a bit of a roller-coaster - from the gratitude and optimism following your hospital stay to the pain of missing your Dad, moving through states of numbness and confusion. That's A LOT for such a short period of time.

I hope that your emotions settle and your mind clears and you get some respite. We're here if you need us and happy to take a back seat when you don't. Take care of yourself.