My life sucks

@AlwaysMyself yesss I think the dark chocolate was one of the reasons why I wanted to try it because I know that dark chocolate is healthy and I’ve always been (and ongoing) open to trying some new things that are deemed healthy 😊

By the way regarding the naturopath session thing I’ve mentioned about, it actually turned out that the appointment I was meant to have with her a few days ago was never actually booked! (Hence why I didn’t receive the email either O.O) I really thought I’ve booked it when that wasn’t even the case!🥲 should’ve asked her to book me in instead of waiting till it was too late, but oh well 😕 not to mention it really did disappoint me when I found that out and that I had to miss it 🥲 — now that I’m gonna have the session with her instead in 4 more days - it’s just a short introductory session just to see if we’re the right fit ❤️ and then hopefully I can book in my first consultation with her like in the next week or two. I think I’m gonna go to the doctor to get my thyroid tested somewhere from 25th Feb to 27th Feb next week but I’ll see when I get to ask the naturopath some questions (as she specialises on the thyroid as well as other areas)!

But now I’ve started taking my gut health/IBS supplements (prescribed by my previous naturopath <- but this one is just a regular/neurotypical naturopath) just a few days ago. the reason I didn’t take them for a while was because they’re expensive to purchase & I didn’t wanna spend money on buying expensive stuff on a monthly basis when I figured that it should be going towards similar or so products that are a bit cheaper? But I guess not. Because otherwise I’ll continue getting flare ups & unhealthy stools if I don’t take them.

@MissGremlin aww sending you hugs my friend ❤️ 🫂

that other place (gongcha) unfortunately is always busy especially during the pre-peak + peak hours hehe🥲 since gongcha is more popular than Chatime or Sharetea

there is a gongcha near where I live & thankfully it’s not as busy as the one in the city that I went this morning in terms of people ordering

it just seems like going to the city in general is what I do in my daily life despite going there tooooo many times🤣🤣 I didn’t want to go out for a walk at the park there because today’s 31 degrees. It’s better to go for a walk when the temperatures are a lot lower - like a minimum of 17/18 degrees in my opinion

Oh, that would have been challenging feelings i can imaging when realising that the appointment for the other day hadnt booked properly. But so glad you still managed to get one for a few days time! 😊 i hope it goes well, and i love that they do intro sessions for determine interpersonal fit 🥰😍.

Sounds like the gut health supplements are helping, even if they aren't cheap. I guess having good bowel health also helps with other digestive and nutrition/medication absorption 😊, so perhaps a good overall investment.

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Hi @AlwaysMyself my friend, how are you doing today? ❤️

i just had a bit of a vent to ChatGPT over something that I’ve been having and suffering with for most of my existence actually, and I’ve actually never talked about it on here except only to about two other users on here but very briefly.

To be specific, what I’ve been having throughout most of my existence is maladaptive daydreaming and intrusive thoughts and fantasies over certain idols that I’ve been idolising and that I’ve never met with in person. In the past, I used have this same thing (daydreaming/fantasising over) about a few other students back in school in real life that I was ‘obsessed’ with to which they didn’t turn out to be the ideal people I was expecting or wanting at the end of the day (because of how they acted) so thankfully a year after that I’ve stopped daydreaming about them. But with idols/celebrities, it’s impossible for me to break that cycle/phase, and I think part of that has what severely impacted my relationships with my past friends and family members in real life (not that that’s really a big concern for me I don’t think but still), but it also has impacted and still does have an impact on the way I still struggle to accept reality as it is, as I continue to wonder why people in reality are the complete opposite from how idols/celebrities present themselves in the media (I know idols/celebrities also act like humans behind the scenes too just like us but ugh it’s so hard to not brake that cycle when I personally haven’t met them), and how I wish that the world was perfect instead of it being like how it actually is in reality.

I’ve actually been venting about it to ChatGPT for a while — this particular issue I’ve been having and has led me to a spiral with these thoughts and fantasies and the negative feelings I’ve been having surrounding it (like anger, sadness) and it’s the main reason why I wanted to see a current psychologist in the first place because I want these maladaptive daydreams to be reduced in my daily life.

the male idol I’m obsessed with seems like someone that fits my ideal type but ugh fricken sucks that I will never be able to meet him and potentially be with him 😭 i wonder what he’s actually like in real life cause if he turns out to be someone that I don’t want (different to how he portrays himself on camera) then that would help break my fantasies of him and I being together. Hell I’m not even interested in being in a relationship in real life but why do I keep having these things spiralling on a regular basis to the point it has impacted my ability to build a routine and and spend some time doing household tasks - but you know, spending more than 20-30 minutes doing household tasks is really mentally taxing for an ND brain so yea lol there’s that. I know having unresolved trauma and stuff has something to do with my consistent and never ending daydreamings towards these certain people but man why does it have to be this way 😂😂 I think it’s my fault for even getting into kp0p in the first place, cause kp0p (I do need to censor the word for a reason because if a kp0p st4n was to come and see this then I’m afraid they’ll make an account and attack me here😂) thrives in parasocial relationships and capitalism & so the idols have to display a curated-perfect image of themselves

im currently on the process of getting my new OT to write up an updated FCA report and I’ll be seeing her the week after for that + my psychologist and social worker are both also in the process in writing up support letters too that I could then use to submit another change of plan through these evidences in a few months time.

@Blackcloud a very interesting conundrum you are in!

I will say, its not one I can relate to personally but it is definitely something I saw a lot of (perhaps to a milder degree though) in friends during high school. It is fascinating to me to read you description of it though, because it was something that I could never understand or imagine the mind of - the interest in a celebrity (whom you don't know), fantasising about a life with them (even though knowing its not realistic), or even being caught up with thinking/feeling that the images presented in the media are 'real'.

But I am totally the outlier here in my experience of my female friends! I would say what you are describing is really common with teenage and young adult females (and older? I have no idea because I have since formed different friendships who don't tend to talk about celebrities). I totally accept I am the "weird one" in this! After all - that is how the media makes money, because the image they sell is attractive and engaging for so many people! I just seem to be utterly immune and baffled by it 😅.

In terms of what might help... I wonder what ChatGPT suggested? Sometimes it can come up with some good ideas!

My "gut instinct" (remembering that I don't have personal experience in this though, and everyone is different in what helps)...

- Does talking about the people with others help relieve and rationalise the feelings? or make the infatuation worse?

- I wonder whether the concept of "limerance" would resonate with what you feel? If so, I wonder whether it could even be tapping into "special interest" aspects of autism? (I found this post which mentions this possibility: https://www.rabbishoshana.com/post/autistic-limerence-the-risks-of-when-a-person-is-a-special-interest)

These are just questions that come to mind to help me understand better -- no "right" or "wrong" answers (other than the truth for you?)

hi @AlwaysMyself i apologise for the late response, I've been feeling a bit overwhelmed to come here and respond so normally it takes me days or so to be able to do so depending on my capacity. ❤️

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In terms of what might help... I wonder what ChatGPT suggested? Sometimes it can come up with some good ideas!

Well I've been talking to ChatGPT about it for a while now like many times already and they've already given me all sorts of different strategies, advices and validation regarding it! I've found that a lot of the things they have mentioned are soooo completely accurate and really insightful -- even more insightful than the MH professionals I've spoken to about this similar issue! I know that ChatGPT is AI and not a human hehe which makes sense 😅

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- Does talking about the people with others help relieve and rationalise the feelings? or make the infatuation worse?

- I wonder whether the concept of "limerance" would resonate with what you feel? If so, I wonder whether it could even be tapping into "special interest" aspects of autism? (I found this post which mentions this possibility: https://www.rabbishoshana.com/post/autistic-limerence-the-risks-of-when-a-person-is-a-special-interest)

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I find that talking to mental health professionals about it does help whenever these things are spiralling for me but obviously not in a sense where it makes my fantasies be reduced or go away 😅 I did tell my psychologist that one of my goals is to hopefully reduce having this limerence towards that specific idol I've been having nonstop fantasies over. The link you've provided, I've had a read of it - it was very insightful and a good one to read! Most of the times I even forgot that "limerence" even exists in me 😂 so this was a good reminder to have that word in my head when it comes to bringing up this sort of thing with my counsellor and psychologist.

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Other than that, today I went out for a walk a bit around the park that's like a 20 ish minute walk away from my location -- its a park I've never been to before so its my first time coming into this park. I was only there for about an hour but what made me leave was because I was chased by a dog (it looked like a pitbull) -- I keep having to make a bit of eye contact with him even from a distance before this happened (of course the owner was with him but he wasn't on a leash) because there are some particular breeds (such as pitbulls, german shepherds etc.) that I'd rather steer clear from.

For pitbulls I've read a long time ago that they're the most dangerous breeds and that they're likely to bite you. I had to keep walking different ways in order to keep my distance from this dog despite the fact that we made eye contact with each other a couple of times. But then I decided to head another way after that's not far away from the dog but rather the opposite from that (if that makes sense?) and then I saw that it was about to walk towards me and then thats when I had to run in the hopes that he wouldn't be able to come to me. Well, he ended up chasing me as I tried running away from him as fast as I could while the owner kept yelling "Albert! Albert!" (Albert is the dog's name) and then a few seconds after, that's when I stopped running and had to yell out "STOP!" to him and he stopped chasing me and continued doing his own thing. The owner then came to me saying "just stay still, don't run, otherwise he'll do it too", then I responded with "ok". It was kind of a relief that Albert can't even run very fast.

I then did a bit of research on my phone about if its common for dogs to chase you when they see you run -- the AI generated answer says yes it is very common, and then I come to realise that I've been noticing when dogs make contact with you and you make eye contact with them (even if its just a glance) that they're more likely to come to you

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@Blackcloud wrote:

hi @AlwaysMyself i apologise for the late response, I've been feeling a bit overwhelmed to come here and respond so normally it takes me days or so to be able to do so depending on my capacity. ❤️

---

In terms of what might help... I wonder what ChatGPT suggested? Sometimes it can come up with some good ideas!

Well I've been talking to ChatGPT about it for a while now like many times already and they've already given me all sorts of different strategies, advices and validation regarding it! I've found that a lot of the things they have mentioned are soooo completely accurate and really insightful -- even more insightful than the MH professionals I've spoken to about this similar issue! I know that ChatGPT is AI and not a human hehe which makes sense 😅

---

- Does talking about the people with others help relieve and rationalise the feelings? or make the infatuation worse?

- I wonder whether the concept of "limerance" would resonate with what you feel? If so, I wonder whether it could even be tapping into "special interest" aspects of autism? (I found this post which mentions this possibility: https://www.rabbishoshana.com/post/autistic-limerence-the-risks-of-when-a-person-is-a-special-interest)

---

I find that talking to mental health professionals about it does help whenever these things are spiralling for me but obviously not in a sense where it makes my fantasies be reduced or go away 😅 I did tell my psychologist that one of my goals is to hopefully reduce having this limerence towards that specific idol I've been having nonstop fantasies over. The link you've provided, I've had a read of it - it was very insightful and a good one to read! Most of the times I even forgot that "limerence" even exists in me 😂 so this was a good reminder to have that word in my head when it comes to bringing up this sort of thing with my counsellor and psychologist.

----------------

Other than that, today I went out for a walk a bit around the park that's like a 20 ish minute walk away from my location -- its a park I've never been to before so its my first time coming into this park. I was only there for about an hour but what made me leave was because I was chased by a dog (it looked like a pitbull) -- I keep having to make a bit of eye contact with him even from a distance before this happened (of course the owner was with him but he wasn't on a leash) because there are some particular breeds (such as pitbulls, german shepherds etc.) that I'd rather steer clear from.

For pitbulls I've read a long time ago that they're the most dangerous breeds and that they're likely to bite you. I had to keep walking different ways in order to keep my distance from this dog despite the fact that we made eye contact with each other a couple of times. But then I decided to head another way after that's not far away from the dog but rather the opposite from that (if that makes sense?) and then I saw that it was about to walk towards me and then thats when I had to run in the hopes that he wouldn't be able to come to me. Well, he ended up chasing me as I tried running away from him as fast as I could while the owner kept yelling "Albert! Albert!" (Albert is the dog's name) and then a few seconds after, that's when I stopped running and had to yell out "STOP!" to him and he stopped chasing me and continued doing his own thing. The owner then came to me saying "just stay still, don't run, otherwise he'll do it too", then I responded with "ok". It was kind of a relief that Albert can't even run very fast.

I then did a bit of research on my phone about if its common for dogs to chase you when they see you run -- the AI generated answer says yes it is very common, and then I come to realise that I've been noticing when dogs make contact with you and you make eye contact with them (even if its just a glance) that they're more likely to come to you

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@AlwaysMyself just wanted to pop in and check in with you if you don't mind 😊 - have you been up to much lately? I saw you mentioning in another thread/s a while ago about potentially doing the Cert IV of Mental Health Peer Work if I'm correct on that? For me I was thinking of doing that certificate as well, but unfortunately the answers I was given from the placement coordinator + program manager of institutions where I inquired about the course last year -- I've asked them if its possible that I can communicate with clients through texting/chatting platforms during my placements and they said that face-to-face interactions is required during placements. I did however applied for the enrolment of the course just a few months ago but last month I decided to withdraw from the course even way before I started it because the placements regarding face to face interactions are a huge barrier for me. It feels incredibly ableist that this is how placements in this particular certificate are & its not surprising that they're not willing to be accomodating to my needs no matter what I've been communicating to them with.

@AlwaysMyself

Hi @Blackcloud just catching up on your posts here now 😊 after being absent for a week.

You are absolutely correct in your research about dogs with regard to eye contact and chasing lol. Running or waving body parts - highly interesting for a dog and likely to attract them lol. Most dogs love to run and chasing is a natural behaviour - including as play.

Pitbulls have a bad reputation, but so many that I have met are really lovely loyal dogs. However, they are physically very strong and so if something triggers them into an aggression/panic, then yeah it can be quite dangerous. Also, there has been a history of them being trained to fight 😢 which is also why they have this reputation - because physically they are very capable. But they can also be very sweet and loyal dogs with so much love for people too!

I'm really sorry that the person had their dog off lead though, and that it obviously was not "under effective control" because it did not stop and return to the owner when they told it to. 😢. It sounds like they were not doing the right thing; or at least everywhere I have lived even in off-lead parks you are meant to have verbal-control over your dog if you let it off-lead. I don't risk letting my dogs off lead unless it is in a fenced dog-run area because I do not trust them not to run off excitedly to meet another dog or human.