My life sucks

Hey lovelies - I am so happy you're connecting and that you're having a wonderful day out @Blackcloud.

I just made some edits re: your current whereabouts, just to ensure we are keeping within the anonymity guidelines. You haven't done anything wrong, just wanting to keep you safe!

Please keep sharing though! You have inspired me to go and visit at some point. hehe

@Cuddlebear @rav3n

@Cuddlebear @my friend I definitely hear you with not having people in your personal life to keep you company. When I was going through the withdrawal symptoms, I lived with my parents at the time & my mum would always blame me for continuing to sanitisize and overwash my hands during covid, even though she warned me about it during covid but I didn’t listen, so everytime I was struggling she would keep bringing that up & continued blaming me for not listening to her warning me during covid. I know I should’ve known better but really I never thought that doing all of that would’ve came to this.

It’s part of why I really wish we wouldn’t be ‘close’ because of a lot of things she has said and done that I don’t even agree with & that I think it’s not ok (whilst for her she thinks it’s okay on the other hand). Wish I could like move interstate where I can just be completely away from her for a while I guess lol, I know I live on my own now, but still because I live in the same state as she does, then of course we would be likely to have meet ups with each other here and there. So I guess moving interstate to be away from her would be ideal.

@AuntGlow okay 👍

YAY congrats on getting the offer!! 🎉 @Blackcloud

oo nice! hope you have a lovely time shopping! i usually spend hours in those bigger shopping centre, it's nice getting to window shop hehe.

Wish I still didn’t have to connect/be close to my mum anymore.

just thinking about all the things she did and said to me and how she always invalidate my feelings for everything is the NUMBER ONE reason why I just wish to be distant from her and that she wouldn’t fricken have to keep in touch with me. But my question is, why does she wanna still keep in touch with me for just because I’m her daughter and im a part of the family… like seriously

From time to time i think about all those things she has done to me so it’s like I won’t stop thinking about those until I can be able to cut off our relationship

@rav3n @MissGremlin

mother-daughter relationships can be complicated @Blackcloud

speaking from my own mum's point of view - i used to be frustrated that she wouldn't give me the distance i asked for. it annoyed me that even though she invalidated and upset me a lot, she still wanted to be close. i later realised that i often focus on the negative/poor experiences i have with my mum (like the negative bias concept). i never cared about the times she made my fav foods or made sure i got into a good school/uni, the times she helped me with my homework, or the times she bought me the clothes that i wanted, etc. i just kept replaying all the times she didn't validate my feelings, lectured me, forced her views on me, etc., instead.

but then i thought, if i had done the same things for someone, lets say a friend - if i had cooked for them everyday for years, paid their rent, helped them with their homework, watched movies with them, taken them shopping, etc., and then that person didn't want me around anymore - i think that would be really hard on me. so i can see where our mums are coming from too, it wouldn't be easy for them.

i think sometimes i forget that mums are just regular people who makes mistakes too. i know that knowing this doesn't really 'fix' the relationship but i guess it helps me let go of my anger/frustrations. i hope it helps you too?

@rav3n Thank you for understanding. It’s certainly been a real rough and brutal taper. Emotionally and mentally. The awful thing is when I’m this unwell the things like breathing exercises, colouring, grounding etc just don’t work. It is good having the company of my fur babies but like you said having humans is important too. It makes me sad and hurts to see the friends I’ve supported a lot for years don’t have even the time to respond to a pleasant message. Yet I was always there for them in a meaningful way.

Unfortunately there’s nothing I can do about the NDIS funding. I have to stick to weekly budget or I’ll run out of funds before my plan rolls over.

I live in an area where there’s literally no activities for people with mental illness. I have to travel to the next Council area for anything and while I’m tapering that's just not possible. Having multiple disabilities also doesn’t help. My support worker takes me to the wrllbeing mental health local where I see social worker and psychologist. That’s all the hours I can spare as I still need to get to medical appointments, food shop and domestic help too.

Things that help are having people to talk to especially being able to be honest about how I am. The same forums are so good because people truly understand and care about one another.

@rav3n Yeah all of that makes sense, it’s a very good read.

But in terms of it ‘helping’ me, even everything about that you’ve just said still doesnt change my frustrations towards my mum. Shes not really the type of person that even considers on the ‘mistakes’ she has made, and instead keeps telling me that she always cares for me & that she always does good things to me blah blah blah when that’s not even true (but in her eyes, it is true)

@rav3n @Blackcloud

I agree it is complicated the mother daughter relationship. Parents are not perfect and some are actually abusive. I’m not talking about abuse here I’m talking about humans not being perfect and making mistakes that can hurt our feelings. I always hope my own daughter sees all the living things I’ve done and still do to support and love them. I’m not perfect but if I make a mistake I genuinely apologise and always try to do better in the future. I’d say your mum loves you a lot too. That’s why she takes the time to provide your favourite foods and come shopping to show you where to purchase your favourite greens at the grocery store.

Im sorry though that your mum has not always validated how you feel. That can hurt especially when we need that validation the most.

Living apart can help as it can bring out the better side and less of the invalidation etc.

You're a very intelligent and strong person. You’ve set good boundaries and stuck by them. I really love that about you.

i hear you @Cuddlebear and it's understandable that you'd feel that way. it really does suck when the people you've been there for, aren't there in your time of need. you deserve better than that. although they haven't been good supports to you, i do hope you don't let their poor actions dim your light. you're such a caring, bright soul - i truly believe that good things will come your way soon.

i have heard in some cases that when there's been changes in circumstances, extra hours can be added to NDIS plans but i can see how it would be a long process (with having to discuss it with your support coordinator, gather evidence, request a review plan, etc). wish there was a simpler way to get those extra hours!

sucks to hear that there's nothing local either! i can see how the travel would make things difficult. you're doing the best you can with what you've got, and that counts for a lot. proud of you for keeping on 💙