My life sucks

---

@Blackcloud wrote:

@Cuddlebear I’m really sorry to hear that ❤️ how are you holding up with all of these thoughts at the moment? I know it’s hard to feel that all hope is gone, but please know that we’re always here for you. ❤️ so the best and only way we have to endure these hard times is to keep pushing through & continue to seek out support and connections, like what we’re doing here on SANE Forums! 😊

And yeah, I’ve already started my moving out process early this week. It has been a really busy and pretty tiring week. I’ve also been continuing to pack more stuff from my current accomodation & bringing them to the new accomodation as days go by. I’m gonna officially move out of this accomodation on the 25th June.

---

@Cuddlebear ❤️

---

@Blackcloud wrote:

@Cuddlebear I’m really sorry to hear that ❤️ how are you holding up with all of these thoughts at the moment? I know it’s hard to feel that all hope is gone, but please know that we’re always here for you. ❤️ so the best and only way we have to endure these hard times is to keep pushing through & continue to seek out support and connections, like what we’re doing here on SANE Forums! 😊

And yeah, I’ve already started my moving out process early this week. It has been a really busy and pretty tiring week. I’ve also been continuing to pack more stuff from my current accomodation & bringing them to the new accomodation as days go by. I’m gonna officially move out of this accomodation on the 25th June.

---

@Cuddlebear ❤️

@Blackcloud Hello lovely how are you? You are doing so well with the packing and moving to new home. It’s so exhausting isn’t it. Have you got a lot to move? Wow just 1 day left until you are officially in your new place. I think the new home will be amazing for you. You’ll have heaps to explore as I remember you saying it is in a new area.

It has been a really awful struggle for me. Yes pushing through is the only way I just wish I could get some relief. Today I woke up in a panic attack and then vomited. My body gets awful symptoms of anxiety as well the constant dread and thoughts from one disaster to the next in my head.

Still haven't found housing either which is only making everything feel worse. Thank you for being here. It really helps and reminds me I’m not as worthless as I tell myself.

@Cuddlebear I actually decided to extend my departure to somewhere a bit later than tomorrow, probably I'll choose to leave either this Friday or Sunday, or even next Monday. As of now, I currently don't have a lot more stuff I need to move which is good, though I do have a fair amount of things that I'll need to pack on a one suitcase + on a trolley, but my mum will be coming with me for my departure day/date, as I can't handle bringing both a suitcase and a trolley alone. Oh yeah, it's definitely been hectic, but also worth it at the end!

Argh! yeah, those physical symptoms related to anxiety are definitely not the best things to have! Have you find a way to calm/manage those symptoms down, like e.g. taking deep breaths? I find that taking many deep breaths and also listening to some of my favourite songs to be some of the best tools for that. I also listen to some hypnotherapy sometimes.

You're definitely worth existing my friend!! ❤️ even if you don't think you are, but I genuinely believe and think that you're definitely worth existing and such an amazing person. 🫂

sorry you still haven't found housing yet 😞 i wonder if you're able to look for other private rentals on the internet, and especially perhaps find some cheaper options that are available in the relevant websites. When I searched for a list of some private rentals myself that were available, I came across some cheap options for it that were available - I'm pretty sure you also get the option to have a chat to the owner/real estate agent about the housing you consider to reside in as well. Thought I could come up with a suggestion, but if that suggestion doesn't work - I hope it all goes well for you, and I hope you'll be able to find somewhere that you can be safe at ❤️ sending you hugs my friend!

@Blackcloud Yes moving is so tiring. Packing, moving, cleaning then unpacking all on top of the stuff you need to do daily. It really takes a lot out of you. It’s really good though thwt you are doing it in bits and that your mum can help get the last things to new place with you. 🙂 Then you can enjoy your new place which is the best bit of all!

Yes I try breathing and music. Unfortunately it doesn’t really work that well for me when I’m this sick.

Yes I’m looking at cheap private rentals but thing is that every inspection there’s like another 30 plus people doing the same thing. There are not enough rentals for the number of people who need them. It’s quite shocking how bad the housing crisis really is.

@Cuddlebear I feel like by the time I'm gonna officially move and live into the new place, that I might experience a bit of depressive episodes for a week due to the feelings/emotions of missing this current accomodation. I know when I came back here from my korea trip last december, I was experiencing post-vacation depression and it took me a week in order for me to get used to the reality here again.

that's okay, everyone has different ways of coping 🙂

that's true about the housing situation and crisis, especially when more people have also enquired about the cheap options for the private rental housings they can find. it's definitely sad how the government doesn't seem to want to offer more affordable/cheap housing for many more individuals that need it and then so many people get put in a more than decade long waitlists as a result 😞 for some, it could just take years (less than a decade). either way, its definitely hard finding housing here as I have learnt about it through watching youtube videos that have talked about it recently 😞

Hey @Blackcloud , what are you up to? Seems like I haven't seen you in ages! Then again, I haven't been here for the past few days lol Hope you're ok

@rav3n i was just carrying this HUGE box which is actually an iMac box with an iMac on it since I’ve just made a purchase of the iMac.

before I received the order of it, I never thought it was gonna be THAT big AND heavy, like at all. I actually thought it was gonna be quite smaller than what it actually was and that it was gonna be lightweight, but it turned out to be so big and heavy that even other people around can easily see how big it was & seeing a small girl carrying it with the handle that was only on the top of the box 😭😭😭😭 well I’ve just arrived home now even though I was sweating whilst struggling and carrying this stupid ass big heavy thing 😭😭😭😭

when I went to one of those machines to check how much myki balance I had, this customer service person (a white old male) came up to me and was like “youre gonna have fun with that toy, ay?” And I just responded with “haha..😐” like was that really necessary??? I’d rather not have anyone come up to me and try to make a joke out of it or something, I just think it’s kinda disrespectful.

also, when I got off the train at the station (where my new home is) there was a lot of students at the station waiting to get on the tram. And as I was walking past a bunch of them, I overheard a guy saying “OH MY GOD”.

yeah, overall, just having to carry this really big and heavy box did made me feel embarrassed about having other people seeing it which OF COURSE due to the above reactions/responses above, that was why I was already feeling embarrassed by it.💀💀💀

i had to google iMac cos my brain thought you mean MacBook - but nope, those iMacs are defs bigger! omg that must've been tricky to carry around @Blackcloud especially in public/ptv! glad you made it home okay!

yeah i get you, it's hard not feel awks when you can feel people's eyes on you and iMac! the toy comment is so random haha, sounds like he noticed how stressed out you were and was tryna lighten the mood? but i get that those sorta comments aren't for everyone, some like it and some don't! but the 'oh my god' comment, i'd feel awks too 😅 lets pretend they were admiring how strong you were!? cos i'm impressed that you carried it home too, i think i would've had to ask someone to help me. hope your back and arms are doing okay!! i know it feels super embarrassing, but i assure you - your brains tricking you into make it feel like that, there's nothing embarrassing about carrying an item home! just last week, some guy started singing loudly in the middle of shopping centre (he wasn't that good) and nobody clapped so he ran off... now maybe that's a lil embarrassing but i was kinda impressed with his confidence 😆

was the iMac the right one you wanted though?

@rav3n haha yeah, which is part of why I’m glad I can now lift heavy things cause if it wasn’t for me doing strength training (lifting up dumbbells as my main workout) then I wouldn’t be able to lift heavy at all! 😅 right now, I can only lift up a total of 12kgs 🙂 but this dang huge iMac box that I had to carry by holding the handle on felt like I was about to d!3 😅😆 hence I was sweating whilst carrying that thing 💀

when I came home to wash my face, I couldn’t really feel my arms for a bit… so yeah..🥲 my back is doing ok though, just the arms that aren’t doing the greatest haha xP

that story of the guy running away after no one clapping for him just made me laugh HELP 💀 I really feel for him though cause I too would’ve ran away if I was in an embarassing situation 😂😂 imagine if I try to run whilst struggling to carry that heavy iMac box, that definitely wouldnt be impossible cause of the weight of it 😂😅

and yes, the iMac was definitely the right one! I really should’ve asked the online customer service (both Jb HIFI and Apple) on how much it weighs before it even got to this point 😭 I legit thought this whole time that it would be light and easy to carry but I was wrong 💀