Tillogram

I should have called the SES today @NightFury when I realised it wasn't fixed. I should have got on to it earlier than yesterday, but I somehow couldn't and where has that led me? Up excrement creek in a barbwire canoe without a paddle

@Till23 the word should....I should have done that, I should have done this, I should have done better...all we can do is what we know and can do at the time. If that makes sense...

I know @NightFury we are supposed to avoid the "shoulds", but it's very difficult at times. It just seems every way I reframe things it always comes out the same - Not Good Enough

Hi @AuntGlow I am wondering if you are on today?

Hello @Till23, yes I am here! Thank you for checking in. How are you feeling today?

This does sound very, very stressful for you. Anything that makes our home feel insecure is bound to impact us mentally, so please be kind to yourself right now. It sounds like you have reached out to try and get it fixed, is that right? It's so easy to blame ourselves when things don't feel like they are working out or are out of our control... in a way, that can make us feel more in control, or at least in alignment with our inner narrative. I wonder if we can challenge this at all today? 🤔💛

I wasn't sure @AuntGlow because I see Jynx and rav3n replying too, so thought iy might be their shift.

How are you?

I think I am being impacted by my leaking roof more because there is a lot of rain for about 4 or 5 days accordng to forecast. We've already had 2 days. The wind is picking up here as well. It's also knowing that damage is being done to the rafters etc as they're getting wet.

I think also because I am in a low place because of my dog's passing and that bringing back thoughts of my other dog and my father, it's making everything else seem that much harder and worse.

Even though it was raining I went off and played table tennis for a couple of hours today, so I got some exercise and had social interactions, even though I don't know those people very well.

Normally I really love hearing the rain on the roof and the wind in the trees, but it's all just making me anxious now.

We all on together tonight @Till23 💕

I am well, just waiting for some baked chicken and veggies to finish doing their thing, so I can have some dinner! What have you eaten tonight?

Oh, this is so valid. 😣 Hmm... what is within your control here? Sometimes sitting with what I can and can't do helps with the overwhelm and allows me to be kinder to myself.

Of course, lovely. This is big stuff. I am sure it feels very vulnerable and painful at the moment... we are here with you.

I am wondering if you have reached out to Griefline at all?

Amazing work allowing yourself to socialise and move your body. Even if it doesn't feel this way right now, I am certain that would have helped your mind and body to become a little more regulated. 🥰

Hello @AuntGlow , @rav3n , @Jynx @Till23 , @NightFury , @Dimity 😊

Hi @AuntGlow I had grilled chicken and veges. Then I had some stewed fruit I had frozen earlier.

I have not spoken to griefline or any specific grief service. I think I am well within "normal" range for grief and do not think I need to do anything specific for grief.

Yes, I use physical activity a lot to help regulate myself. Sometimes it's a specific sport. Like I played tennis up until the day before my second cancer surgery. I do another sport too that I do competitions/events around Australia, so train for that every week.

My major problem is the Not Good Enough, which is common amongst CSA survivors. I recently retired and I am also searching for a worthwhile purpose in life. Previously my job gave me purpose. I do some volunteering now as well one day a week, and I volunteer at events and fundraiser things. Last weekend I did a cancer fundraising run event as part of the organisation of that event, apart from also fundraising. I also have an organisational role in the local club of my sport. Another major problem I have, is that I think I am terrible at interpersonal relationships.

Hi @Shaz51 how are you going? I hope you are as well as can be expected and the weather is treating you well. Do you have any timeline for fistulas etc