FORUMS

Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

  • 47,612Members
  • 1,358,869Posts
  • 1,400,000Visitors
Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

3920 replies

921 - 930 of 3,920

In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I hope we both get a good night's sleep @Till23

Enjoy your training in the morning. I should be around tomorrow for a chat.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Well @NightFury I'll have to wake up a couple of times to make sure I haven't overslept :face_with_rolling_eyes:

But apart from that I hope I sleep well too.

"See" you on Sunday

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

So fine @Till23 I may add a couple TWs to your post but otherwise, thank you for sharing. Feeling seen and accepted as we are is a beautiful and powerful thing, and I'm really glad you've shared that with us tonight.

@NightFury no sorry needed, you crash out hun!! Teehee and ty, you're very sweet 😊

Night cool cats 😎😸💜

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Oh yeah @Jynx I did think about TWs for my post but obviously didn't do it - sorry.

In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hello @NightFury!

How are you today?

YES, the mother wound is so big for many of us, and I can absolutely see how you would be feeling a lot of complex and nuanced feelings around all of this. You're not alone at all. 💖

I get how overwhelming it can be to need to address so many different things in a short period of time. What did you land on in the end?

And what came up for you when you wrote down your beliefs? 🥰

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hi @AuntGlow how are you? How's your weekend been? And Happy Birthday!

Not sure how I am today. I woke up feeling heavy and unmotivated, but I have an assignment due today so had to find some get up and go. For my assignment I had to choose a model of self-care - I chose the Coping Reservoir Model - create a mind map and write a brief explanation of the Coping Reservoir Model. My assignment was about 60 words over the limit, which means I'll be penalised for and I didn't hit all the points I needed to hit. But I think given how I was travelling this morning - good enough, is enough...well, I'm trying to tell myself that anyway. Getting myself to believe it is another thing.

As for my beliefs...I wrote a few down. Only a handful of those had an alternate belief to go with them. The ones that didn't...

- I'm not enough

- because of my triggers, I break my friendships and relationships

- I let everyone down

- I can't meet anyone's expectations, including my own.

- I'm a failure. I'm failing at everything and failing everyone.

- If I ask for help, I'm a burden and I'm just adding to everyone else's load.

- It's better if I struggle and go through my worst days alone.

- I'm not good at my job. I'm a bad teacher.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Thank you!! It was lovely - lots of fun out dancing and socialising, definitely feeling very blessed. @NightFury

Ooh that sounds so interesting! What do you enjoy (or not enjoy) about that model?

It sounds like you tried your absolute best with this assessment, and you know what, that is enough.

I would love to hear more about these alternate beliefs. 💛 I have a few things I would like to challenge here...

- I let everyone down - you've never let us down.

- I'm a failure. I'm failing at everything and failing everyone - you're constantly showing signs of growth and change, which is the biggest win of all. You're trying so incredibly hard to show up as you are, which isn't a failure, it's amazing and honest. What more could we want from you?

- It's better if I struggle and go through my worst days alone - I am sure this feels safer for you in many ways, but I wonder if you have felt better when you have asked for help at times? We always love it when you you're able to ask for support (as all of your friends on the forums do!), it's never too much.

- I'm not good at my job. I'm a bad teacher - I know I am not there with you, but I know you care about your work and kids waaaay too much to be a bad teacher. 💛

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

So glad to hear that you had a good birthday. @AuntGlow it sounds like so much fun.

I don't know if I tried my best. I probably shouldn't have left it to the day it was due, but anyway...it's done and submitted and can only wait and see what the results are now.

Not sure if I chose it because I enjoyed it, but it resonated more than the other. It felt more...realistic than the other model. The Coping Reservoir Model acknowledges that our coping reservoirs - or our ability to cope - can be filled with positive experiences like connection, and hope, and physical activity and can be drained by negative experiences like self-criticism, stress and inability to access support. It acknowledges the good and the bad and that it's a constantly changing thing.

I wrote that I feel like I have no future and then the thought come up to challenge that and I wrote that down to. I wrote that I have a future, I just don't know what it looks like at the moment.

I haven't let anyone down here...yet. But I'm not even sure that's true any more.

And, I'm not sure it does feel safer to go it alone. I just...like the thoughts that have come up tonight - I'm not as important as others, I have a hard time sometimes feeling and thinking positively and people get tired of that...it's draining and hard to interact with and so people don't.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hey there @Jynx how are you, my friend?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

It was!! @NightFury 🥳

I think we allll do that, leaving things to the last minute is a very human thing to do.

Also, what was your total word count? You have your 10% leeway, remember!

Ah, how interesting. I will have to look into it a little further... understanding these models can be really helpful for providing psychoeducation and a foundation for people to come back to. 🤩

I really love that you did this, and it's true - you do have a future, we just don't know what it looks like yet and that's okay. What if that notion could be exciting?

It is true, trust me. 🥰

I understand where you are coming from, I can worry the same things and feel like I am too much for people as well. But the people who really resonate with you will stick around. I know that can be so hard to trust... but maybe in time, with more experience, it will feel more believable. 💛

921 - 930 of 3,920