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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

3920 replies

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In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Awww @NightFury . I'm so so sorry to hear about what has happened. I can hear why you may be feeling so stressed.

Am I right in saying there is a teacher shortage in your area? Are you able to look at ongoing positions outisde you current area?

My sister is a teacher so I know what you mean by not getting paid over the Dec-Jan holidays.

There are sooooo many teacher vacancies in my area. So pretty much anyone who is qualified gets a job around here...

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@tyme I don't just feel stressed...

I feel...like I'm failing at everything at the moment.

I feel...I don't have confidence and I don't know how to convince someone to have confidence in me...

But at the same token...I feel like I don't mean anything to the people I work with. I'm a number and I'm invisible. They can't see me and the work that I do, or the value that I have.

I'm not enough.

There is a teacher shortage and that's how I got the job that I have now...I leveraged that shortage when I moved back to Tassie from QLD at the start of this year.

There's just a lot going on...

In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I'm sorry that a few big things may occur at once @NightFury.

Might your contract be renewed for next year?

I understand the lack of income over long summer holidays, but if you knew you would have income next year you might be able to eek it out especially if you could do some exam invigilating or marking.

My Jack/Fox terriers refused to wear dog sox or coats or anything when out. They didn't mind sitting in front of the fire or being wrapped in blankets at home, but when outside - "hunting" only.

In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury This all sounds like so much for you to manage on your own... we can always talk ideas out together, work towards rebuilding your inner cheerleader, and remind you of your worth, okay? @Till23 @tyme - we are all here to help!

Hearing back from the job would have been so disheartening. 😔What do you need to hear most right now?

You've aced self-care tonight, my friend - that's all so self-nurturing! Is it helping things to feel ever so slightly more grounded?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury Please see this excerpt from a post I did on this thread a couple of days ago...

You have achieved SOOOO much in last few months - moving house, getting a job, studying, getting on to Sane forums, seeing GP, getting a MHCP, doing Sane guided recovery, reaching out to people and disclosing things - this is a HUGE amount to achieve in a short time. I feel really happy and glad for you and I'm happy I've virtually met you here. The amount of stuff you've achieved in the last few months is EPIC

You are NOT failing at anything! You ARE enough. Yes, you are currently lacking confidence but look at your achievements above and use that to rebuild your confidence, plus stuff I would certainly have left out. You mean something to all those children you teach and I;m sure you are valued by at least some of your colleagues, if not most.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@AuntGlow @Till23 @tyme I wasn't going to come to the forums tonight, because I'm feeling so...heavy, but what I need is to know that I don't have to do this and figure this out on my own. I need...to feel as if I have people around me, helping me to hold it all.

I had to go to work today...following yesterday and last night's news and whack a smile on my face and stand up and take care of 27 Grade 5/6 students. We had a big whole school celebration for St Paul's Feast Day. And I had to do it with those feelings and thoughts coming up...it was really hard. On top of that...the noise, the change in routine and my brain didn't cope.

@tyme but...the progress in it, I guess...I reached out to Beyond Blue last night and emailed my counsellor yesterday. Reaching out...a big step for me.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

For me, when something big like that comes up for me, I allow myself to have a bit of space, but then I also push myself to get out of that headspace so I don't stay in the ruminating space for too long. @NightFury

I know it takes a lot of effort to reach out here when things aren't the best, so I want to acknowledge your strength in doing so.

We are so glad you have been able to try a new way of coping and reach out to Beyond Blue, your counsellor as well as post here.

Hugs to you. We are with you in this.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

We always like to see you on the forums @NightFury, I definitely do.

When things are not good is when the forums can really work their magic, so please always drop by whatever you are feeling like.

It is difficult to keep the mask of happiness and competence on when you don't feel like that underneath, but it is a strength. The kids had their own teacher today to go to celebration and they would have been grounded having you there.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Well, I really hope that deciding to reach out was proof that we are all here for you. 🥰 @NightFury

I can imagine that would have felt sooo big in your body. 😣 Do you have something that helps you when you are feeling this way at work?

Reaching out to your counsellor and Beyond Blue is HUGE! I am really proud of your efforts and courage. You're doing the hard work every day. 💛

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@Till23 @tyme thank you. I'm glad that I reached out here. I'm glad I'm not on my own tonight.

@AuntGlow it was too much today. I just felt....so dysregulated and frazzled. And...my own day didn't start well and that was a lot too. I've been given some strategies to try for my anxiety when I'm at work, and I do think that they work to a certain extent, like having discreet fidgets in my pockets and some gentle breathing...but days like today where it's just...too much, I don't really have anything.

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