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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

3919 replies

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In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@tyme I have had challenges for as long as I can remember. I don't know a life where I don't feel like everything's exploding around me and I'm exploding within it.

This is just...the first time I've reached out because it needs to change. I'm tired but I also want to reach for a life where I am calmer and more peaceful, where I'm not always on the verge of meltdown.

I'm making a start, but I don't know how to do this. As I said to the person on the phone today who did my Welcome call...I don't know what I'm doing, I don't know how to do this. I'm just trying to show up.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

That's amazing and really takes a lot of strength to be able to say and do this. Reaching out is the first step. And I agree, we often have no idea what we are doing.

In my recovery, I found PARCs admissions super helpful, but I think that's only available in VIC where I am. These are prevention and recovery centres where you stay for a few weeks and focus on recovery. @NightFury

Take it one step at a time. We're here right behind you.

Do you use your school's EAP service? I've found EAP helpful if you get the right person.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@tyme I'm going to apologise straight up...because, even the thought of going into a recovery centre like that sends me into a spin. I don't...

I don't have words....

I haven't used EAP. I know it's there and have thought about it recently. Seeing someone for a diagnosis and meds is something that I don't know if it's within my financial capacity.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hey @NightFury ,

No need to apologise. Thank you for being so upfront and honest.

As for getting a diagnosis and meds, the first point of call would be your GP. Do you have bulk-billing GPs around you?

I just hope you find something that works for you before things get harder - and no, this doesn't have to be meds.

I'm really sorry to hear that you are not sleeping well. That can really put a spanner in the works of ANY recovery effort. I've had insomnia so I know first hand what it's like.

Hang in there my friend. I'm walking this way with you.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I've been meaning to get the GP thing sorted. I have a couple of physical issues that I need to get sorted. I need to get something for my psoriasis because it's driving me mad and I'm sore and itchy. Honestly, it's been a HUGE couple of years and I haven't been to see a doc in over four years. I started to look into getting my medical records and trying to find a local GP that's taking on new patients, but it seemed all a little too hard at the time and I've procrastinated.

Can I share something with you? I feel like maybe it is getting harder. I'm afraid of it because I've been down that road before. But it's also something that I've managed before. I'm hoping that the Guided Recovery Program is a good place for me to start to turn that around.

Insomnia's hard work! Thanks, @tyme it's really...it's a good thing to know that I'm not in this alone.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Thank you for trusting me and the community enough to share what you are going through @NightFury

It's pretty amazing that you've been able to manage before. I also hope you will be able to rise above this with a bit of a nudge.

Just remember, it's NOT a sign of weakness if you reach out for more help. And yes, the Guided Recovery can be a starting point. Consider what you want to work on and set yourself some MH recovery goals?

I guess for me, I was in such a dark place for 15 years of my live. I came to the point that if I didn't do something, I'd be gone for good. I was at such a low low place. I wasn't eating, sleeping, socialising... I wasn't even living... I was just surviving. Such a dark place that I don't want to ever go near that place again. That's why even know, I work so so hard to stay at a healthy baseline. As soon as I start getting escalated, I focus on what works and put it in place.

Even tonight, I was so frustrated with my niece that I could feel myself exploding. I let off some steam and then practiced deep breathing to take hold of the reigns again.

It's a work in progress.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Thank you for sharing where you're at too. I can resonate with the not wanting to go back there again. I can hear how it's something that you have to work at, and the strategies you use are things that you have to use over and over. It's a one step at a time thing and it's not linear.

@tyme how do you set some goals for your mental health? What do you focus on when you feel like there's a lot to focus on?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I break it all up. If there is big overarching goal e.g "I want to feel satisfied in life", I look at the stepping stones to get there and make each of those a goal. I don't set too many because it's important to feel a sense of achievement.

So if being able to sleep better is a key overarching goal, my mini goals to get there may be around:

1) focus on setting a bedtime routine

2) stoppgin screen time by a certain time

3) speaking to a doctor about melantonin

4) finding a way to track sleep patterns

5) practicing mindfulness before going to bed

Does that make it somewhat clearer?

I'm clocking off now, but I look forward to talking about this again tomorrow when I'm on. @NightFury

Take care.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@tyme going back a reply...you mentioned that you focus on what works and put it into place...

I don't know what works for me - it all feels temporary. Like...I use box breathing sometimes to try and calm my anxiety or breathe in for 4, hold for two, breathe out for 6....and it works, but within five minutes I'm back in the same state I was before. Or...I use fidgets when I have to do anything that requires me to be present and thinking while having to sit still...like professional development days, staff meetings, talking over the phone or on ZOOM calls even when watching the TV some days. But again...it's only a temporary solution. The problem is that I can't sit still. Or is it a matter of persisting? And continually doing it?

So, you can set goals like..."I want to learn day to day strategies to regulate my anxiety and help me stay at baseline?"

Or...

"I would like to learn how to better manage work, study and life so that I don't get burnt out and overwhelmed."

Or...

"I want to learn strategies to help support me of a night with sleep and managing night mares and bad dreams."

Or...

"I want to learn strategies to manage my thoughts and the impact they have on my mental health." For example, on Tueaday I was battling thoughts like...."I try so hard and have all the right intentions and I still let people down. I still disappoint everyone." And then I get stuck in it.

Then you break them down into steps...

See? There seems to be so much to work on and it's actually overwhelming.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Having a tough day!

I just need someone to know. I haven't tagged anyone because...it's more of a share than anything.

I woke up feeling okay, but when I had to go out amongst people, I just felt instantly heavy and really disconnected from everything and everyone around me. I felt...I don't know how to describe how it felt.

I needed to go into Telstra and sort out a billing issue. When I was speaking to the Telstra representative and she was informing me that it was going to be more difficult to do than I expected, I was so

close to bursting into tears in front of her.

I'm tired - mentally, emotionally, physically, all of it - and heavy and emotional and just lost in my own little world today.

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