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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

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In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@tyme got a TWO day streak happening so far.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

TW: Mentions self harm.

@AuntGlow I know you don't start until later today, but you said to tag you in an update anyway...

I spoke to my counsellor on Thursday night. She had to initiate and lead the conversation about SH and what happens for me. She asked questions that were difficult for me to answer and stirred everything up. She gave me some strategies to use when the urges come up. I tried to use one of those strategies on Friday night and I think it made the urges more present and stronger. I even woke up in the middle of the night with them.

Saturday, I decided to try some self-care. It's something I've been working on - self-care Saturdays. I was up early and got some work done - 3 hours of report writing - and then went and played lawn bowls. I just felt like I was so deeply sad and heavy though, all day.

I have a list of jobs I need to get done and I didn't stop until I was happy that I'd achieved some of those jobs but when I got home and gave into those SH urges. I'm okay. I don't need medical attention. I went to bed with the thought, "what is wrong with me.." circling in my head and feeling really sorry for myself because...I can't even use a strategy to help me effectively and yesterday, I struggled with words to make conversation with people - even people here. I guess I should be proud because I managed to ignore those strong urges for a period of time, but I'm not proud of myself because I gave in, because I can't do "normal" right now.

Last night I dreamt. Do you know the Dementor's from Harry Potter? I dreamt I had one that came to me. I had my back to it and refused to look. I could feel it run it's boney fingers down my back and touch my cheek. I could hear it's raspy breathing in my ear. It leaned down over me and tried to get me to look at it - but I knew that if I looked...it would take everything good and happy and suck it from me.

The new medication makes me feel nauseous, slow brained, it heightens my anxiety and I just feel....weird/different. But I was warned about all of those things and told to see the first week through because they generally fade with time.

My parents could be coming for a visit today - and it feels wrong of me, but I wish they wouldn't. I think it's because...this is my home and it's somewhere...the only somewhere I have that I don't have to mask.

Today, I have a lot of study to catch up on from this week (I didn't do any of the course content this week and we have another assignment due next weekend). I think, I'll be here a lot today, so I will catch you later.

@tyme three day streak on Smiling Minds breathing activities.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hi @AuntGlow how was your weekend?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Good, lovely! Just working a lot - some catch-ups with friends in the moments when I wasn't. ☺️ @NightFury

I was just looking at your last post to me, so will message you in a mo'!

How are things feeling for you at the moment? 💛

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I dunno how things are feeling...at the moment @AuntGlow

Physically, it's freezing...I have a cold house with no insulation and it's been a cold day. Tired...sleep has been tough. Feeling a little churny in the belly. I cooked chow mein because I wanted something warm and comforting for dinner and now I don't want any.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury Thank you for sharing this with me, it must have felt so vulnerable to talk about this in more detail. I am glad you had the space to explore SH, but I definitely get how it would have brought up big feelings. May I ask, what strategy did you explore that didn't work for you this time?

Self-Care Saturday's - I love this idea! How was lawn bowls?? (I am terrible at it haha)

It seems like there were still some big feelings lingering for you, which must have been so overwhelming... do you know where this sadness and heaviness was coming from?

You are allowed to have moments where you oscillate between well and less well, between healthy and maladaptive coping - you are human. 💛

Often, the attachments we hold towards these actions (that may hit a core belief) is what perpetuates the feeling; and it's hard to simply let go, it takes time. So, I understand why things might be feeling so challenging right now. You are also exploring and challenging some really big things for the first time - that is HUGE. So, we need to be gentle and keep working towards self-compassion (I know this is tough too, but we will get there!).

Are your parents with you and have you managed to explore any study today?

And the most important question - what does your heart really need right now? 🥰

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@AuntGlow it's okay to ask, but I don't want to go into why, it just feels hard...my counsellor suggested that I use ice cubes or an ice pack. I didn't have an ice pack so I tried an ice cube It escalated things instead and I got kinda disheartened by it, I think.

Lawn bowls was okay. Saturday was challenging, so I wasn't really...feeling it. But I went and I tried. And I think I have to make sure I keep going because...I feel like it's important to do things other than sit at home and feel horrible. It's in my safety plan too, to go somewhere there's other people. A lawn bowls team/club is also a place I used to find connection.

I don't really know. It comes around on and off during the week. I was/am feeling pretty overwhelmed so...I don't know if that was something, or if it's just...come to visit. There was also something going on with how I felt about my old friendship group and just feeling alone, and...broken. I've had this...question, like..."what's wrong with me?" floating around in my head. I can't even use strategies to help me stop SH, I'm medicated, I don't have any friends and I can't people well, I can't study the way I used to be able to, I can't even...feel properly at the moment. It's kind of like the opposite of being gentle and having self-compassion. And I'm sorry, I'm so bad at it.

My parents were here for a couple of hours today. They brought my niece with them. My brother is in QLD for two weeks so, they have her until he gets back. And I got a little bit of study done today. I watched last week's seminar and wrapped my head around what to do for the assignment that's due next weekend. I started in on last week's content, but started to feel really anxious so I put it away.

My heart...it just needs...connection.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I failed my streak @NightFury ! My niece has been sleeping with me so I don't want to wake her. I'm going to start again tonight! Thanks for the nudge.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@tyme that's totally okay, you have an amazing reason to not have continued on with your streak.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Nah lol @NightFury . She's annoying. I hate her in my bed. She's in my bed now.. she's not supposed to be with me tonight because it's a school night. She's listening to Morris Gleitzman's After. She loves reading about the Holocaust.

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