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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

3920 replies

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In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I don't want to harp on about this too much, but your breath is one thing you always have with you and the one thing that can slow things down. Focus on controlling your breath hun.

I find Smiling Mind teaches me how to do this, and I really had to persist @NightFury

Well done on making it through today. I want to acknowledge that opening up is not easy at all.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@tyme I do use my breath, but I don't think I catch it early enough. I think...by the time I realise my chest feels like I can't breathe properly...it's already escalating.

I need to get better at that. I need to get better at recognising when my breath is dysregulated.

Thank you. Opening up makes me feel really vulnerable and it's hard. It's a work in progress.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I'm not sure if I've shared, but I make it a practice to work on controlling my breath everynight. I use the Smiling Mind app because I try to get a 30 day streak. But practicing every day, it means when you really need it, you will be well versed in it.

What I found is that I couldn't just 'whip out' a skill and expect to be good at it without practicing it first...

I hope this helps in understanding the importnace of doing it regularly. @NightFury

Of course there's no pressure to do it if you don't want to.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@tyme thank you for sharing. We've spoken about Smiling Minds before and I downloaded the ap and have been using it to help calm when I wake in the middle of the night feeling scared, alone and panicky.

No, I want to do it. I'm just terrible at consistency.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I find the 'streak' helps. I'm a goal-focused person so I thrive on trying to beat my streak of days. I think my max has been 40 something days of continuous mindful breathing practice. After the 40 days, you can sense a HUGE change @NightFury

Also, it doesn't have to be long each time. Just a 5 min exercise is enough. I have key breathing exercises that are my go-to and they are the only ones I do over and over again.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@tyme I hear you. Maybe I need to set myself reminders on my phone until it becomes a habit/routine.

I'm finding that a helpful strategy for remembering to do things, lately.

Anyway, I'm heading off for the night. Thank you for chatting with me.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Good night @NightFury . I'm heading off soon too. And I'll remember to practice my breathing exercises!

We might just have to keep each other accountable!

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@tyme I hope your breathing exercises went well.

So, I gave it a go last night following our conversation. I chose a breathing exercise from Smiling Minds, got it going and that was it...it felt like I snapped back into my body, I don't know how long after. I wasn't asleep, my thoughts were still going and after a bit, I could still hear the Smiling Minds music, but...I didn't actually hear, or do the exercise.

Not sure if that one counts....the intention was there.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hey there @NightFury ,

Good on you for giving it a go. The fact that you 'snapped' back into your body is a start in terms of grounding.

To be honest, it takes a lot of effort for me to stay focussed. I go off in all tangents too - and that's okay. If you feel practising, I reckon you'll soon learn to 'control' your mind. I think this is the purpose?

I'm on a ONE day streak so far. Feel free to nudge me. I'm aiming for a 40 day streak!

Do you have a goal so I can support you too?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@tyme I think it's natural to go off on tangents. Lots of people talk about, "clearing your mind of your thoughts," when you meditate and I've never been able to do that well. I've tried telling my brain to "ssshhh" but it never works.

A goal? Let's go 30 days. I'm not sure if I should make it shorter, make it more manageable or if I should push myself...and set something that feels kinda out of reach and required lots of consistency, which I'm not good at.

Let's go with 30...but I might need a kick into gear every now and then...

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