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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

3920 replies

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In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@tyme can we chat over here? You have good timing!

I don't know where to start? Can you? I have a 15 minute drive home, but if you can kick it off and I'll reply once I'm home.

I've been anxious about this...for some reason.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Sure thing 🙂 @NightFury Take your time.

I don't know where to start either. I just know you've been working so hard at your recovery so I want to make space to see how we can support you as a community.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@tyme I...don't know how to ask...to ask for what I need from the community.

I'm so...I don't know if self-conscious is the right word, but I go one of two ways...

One, if it's anything like this week, I've had days where I reach out because I'm afraid of the track my thoughts are going down, and sometimes I don't know if I can keep myself safe. I get so...deep in it that I don't know how to communicate that and so...I don't say anything, but just hang out and talk because I don't want to be alone.

Or two... like last night, when things shift and I start to revisit those thoughts...sometimes, something inside me convinces me it's best if others don't have to deal with my moods and attitudes and I run. I know it doesn't make sense - because the thing that's been setting me off is that I feel...unimportant and irrelevant. I don't feel seen or heard. I've tried so hard to reach out for support for my studies and it's been really hard. Again, I don't know how to ask for what I need and basically they can't help me because I don't have a diagnosis. There's nothing. And as a result, I just feel like...I don't matter. And then, like last night that starts to creep over here and...it's noone's fault...it's just my mindset at the moment. And I think...that no one else needs to deal with my moods and the way they're fluctuating, so I leave.

And I know...I've had chats with the PSW about the guidelines, but I don't want to lose this place so I'm super conscious of not saying or doing anything that crosses them, but that's hard for me to figure out how to reach out...

Also...when things aren't great, I don't really reach out to you guys when I know that I should I see how busy you are, what an amazing job you're all doing to support others and help them through tough times and I don't want to distract from that, from people who need your help and support.

I get lost in the social spaces because I get overwhelmed with a lot people replying to things...I don't know how to interject and I often feel lost in the conversation, especially if it's something that's ongoing.

I'm rambling and really struggling to be articulate, I'm sorry. I don't think it's anything the community can do, I think I have things to work through...

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury ,

I wonder if it's about starting small. Small steps. One at a time.

When reaching out for your studies, when I've found is that course co-ordinators do what they can for their students to pass. They are often so receptive to providing support. And you don't need a diagnosis for this. Maybe start with an email (if you haven't already)? e.g. "I'm finding this unit quite heavy and wouldn't mind some guidance around...."

As for support here on the forums, it's okay to make a 'mistake'. I've stepped in and made doozys in the past. Yet part of this is showing my vulnerabilities and that I'm human - certainly NOT perfect!

Go slow my dear... one goal at a time. We can't focus on every goal at the same time.

What is your one main SMART goal you'd like to focus on? Then go from there?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@tyme I don't do small...my life seems to only have a big, hard and fast and no...small, slow and gentle setting.

I don't know one thing to focus on...there are lots and it's overwhelming.

With my studies I emailed student support. They suggested I apply for...something that allows me extra time and extra supports but I have to have a diagnosis and a letter from the doctor to prove how it impacts upon my studies. Because I don't have they yet, they suggested I just focus on my assignments... I have one this weekend, I tried to get an extension for it but it was denied because I don't have supporting documentation. Now, the window of opportunity for extensions has closed. It just feels too hard.

That's the thing that I struggle with - being vulnerable. It doesn't feel natural. It feels like a battle within myself.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I wonder if a letter from the GP helps? Just to show you are requiring additional supports due to your mental health. YOu don't need to go into any specifics. DO you think this is an option? @NightFury

I hear how though things are for you, and honestly speaking, these assignments are stressful.

If you get a medical certificate, I'm sure you can submit that. You can't help that you need some support for "stress"? The medical cert doesn't have to say that. I think the certs may say, "...is not fit to continue their usual studies from .....[date] to [date]"

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@tyme I'm hoping it's an option.

I just...I don't know if you've read my barriers to seeking support thread, but this is something that I'm trying to do for myself. I have an appointment with a GP on Tuesday to ask for a MHCP. Going to the GP itself is a challenge for me, without lowering my guards enough to allow myself to be vulnerable. I'm hoping that I can get myself through the doors and not wig out on them.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@tyme @AuntGlow @Jynx I know it's super early and you guys aren't around yet, but I want to ask for a favor?

I've woken up feeling a bit rough and really vulnerable. My thoughts aren't kind. I'm okay. I'm safe and will try to reach out for support if I need it. I have the numbers. I've done some meditation, and some breathing and am moving gently through the morning. I'm going to focus first on meeting my physical needs like coffee, breakfast and a shower. Maybe take the dog for a walk to try and shift some energy.

I just...I have a big assignment due today and I need to work on that - get it done and handed in. But I also acknowledge that it's really hard on me at the moment and leaves me kinda messy.

Can someone touch base throughout the day? I don't need lots of ya time because I know you guys are busy, but just someone to like...hit me up every now and then and be like, "hey, we got you. How's it going?" Kinda thing.

I hope it's okay to ask?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hey there @NightFury I am moderator on for a bit till the others join. Thanks for reaching out and sounds like you have done some great work at using your skills to stay safe, it can be tricky when thoughts aren't kind, but youve got this.... I remember doing assignments when having other challenges and what worked for me was regular self care breaks during the day, even a few minutes to pat and cuddle your dog, I write this as mine is currently staring at me... they are the best. Remember you have got this and been doing it all this time, you can get through today and get done what you need. 🙂 whats the assignment topic... maybe we can help!!

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@jazz thank you for replying.

I get kind of...hyper-focused and tend to go all in. Maybe I need to set alarms for self care breaks today?

I'm on my phone and can't put in TW'S so I'll explain it in a round about way...

The topic is Trauma informed care for diverse children and adolescents who have experienced repeated bullying, harassment and victimisation that's lead to unsafe coping mechanisms and behaviours.

We have to discuss what TIC looks like for the population, what the barriers are and how to overcome them.

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