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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

3920 replies

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In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I've had a couple of emotional days @tyme @Jynx @AuntGlow I don't need anything...I only need to let it out.

I'm tired of feeling like I'm always running to catch up with life. I feel like everyone else has the ducks in a row, except me.

My startle response is like a trip wire. The other day, I startled at the sound of me putting the TV remote down on the coffee table...how silly is that? I jumped out of my skin today because a coworker laughed...

I cried last night because a photo of someone I knew in QLD appeared on social media and all of a sudden I missed her.

I am so worried about my dog. She's getting older and has arthritis. This weather is hard for her and it's hard seeing her struggle.

I cried while driving home tonight because I felt like a big failure at this game of life. I am always chasing my tail and never getting any further ahead. Why does it have to be such a struggle all of the time?

I'm okay. I'm just feeling a little low and emotional. I'm tucked up in bed with Luna, ready to tackle it all again tomorrow.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury


@NightFury wrote:

I feel like everyone else has the ducks in a row, except me.


I can promise you, even the people who look like they have their 'life together' will often feel exactly like this. We are all just winging it, fumbling in the dark, trying to make it work but stumbling along the way. There's this tendency, made more intense I think by social media, for people to only ever present their successes, their 'best self' to the world. There's a reason why imposter syndrome is so incredibly popular as an experience that so many people have - this feeling like everyone else has their sh*t together except you.

Also, it's okay to miss someone even if you don't want or need them back in your life.

Trust in yourself, your progress and your process, and remember - you are exactly where you need to be. Even if things do kinda suck right now, look at how far you've come!

Have faith hun, things will get better.

I hope you feel a bit lighter, having gotten some things off your chest. Hope your puppy cuddles are keeping you warm 💜

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@Jynx well said! I believe social media cause major problems for people in this regard, since it presents a false narrative for people. It is human nature to compare ourselves with others and social media usually just shows us an echo chamber based on what it thinks we want to see. Plus, many comments are bots (not real people), further exacerbating this issue. One of the reasons I like sites like SANE is you are working with real people.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Thank you @Jynx.

Logically I know that other people feel the same, but, it comes with a heaviness that kinda makes me spiral deeper into the whole...."why can't I get my life together? Why is it so hard for me?" head space.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hi @NightFury,

I just wanted to jump in here, I hope that’s okay?

It makes sense that those thoughts can feel heavier when you’re already struggling, even if you logically know others experience the same thing.

It can be really hard when your mind turns it into self-judgement like “why can’t I get things together.” That kind of thinking can feel pretty consuming.

I’m glad you shared it here. How are you doing right now?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

It's always okay for you to jump in @Nala2022

I'm doing what I'm best at doing...getting on with it. I'm at work. I've just come out of a two hour meeting. I'm flat, and feeling a bit down, but I'm here.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Spot on @Icaruslanded it makes it a lot harder to find real, raw connection hey.

@NightFury very understandable that it's not always a comfort. Perhaps it's worth reflecting and unpacking on the thought of what 'life together' looks like for you? What does 'success' mean to you, and is it truly yours, or is it pressures of modern social values that influence the concept for you?

Just some prompts for reflection, they may or may not be helpful in this moment. And remember, it's hard for you because it is HARD. Especially for ND folks; none of us are supposed to be 'doing it all' alone.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@Jinx sure does. Social media has its good points, its just the business model they use focuses on profit over social good

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Something that popped out at me from your reply @Jynx

You reminded me...

I'm ND and things are hard for me sometimes because of that.

And...

I am essentially trying to do the vast majority of life stuff alone.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Thank you for saying that @NightFury 😊

I can hear that even though you were feeling flat and a bit down, you were still showing up and getting through what you needed to.

I hope things have been a little gentler for you since then? Do you have much on for today?

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