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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

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In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

My nephew is playing Minecraft Education. When I said he could, he pulls out this double sided A4 drawing of his 'plan'. He has the whole city on one side and the army base on the other. I'm astounded with the detail. Wow.

I don't even know how to play Minecraft. Too complicated for me. Not interested.

What are you doing at the moment?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

He sounds very into it, and very clever @tyme having a plan and all. Minecraft can be used for educational purposes. I have no idea how to play it, but it seems so much better than other games that kids play.

Me? I'm laying on the loungeroom floor, next to Luna, who's chewing on a deer antler, watching New Amsterdam.

And thinking about what a work colleague said to me yesterday. It's been popping up every now and then throughout the day.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I must've missed what the colleague said. Do you want to share or tag me to where you've posted about it (if you have)? @NightFury

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I haven't shared it yet @tyme

We were packing up for the day. We have shared office spaces and we don't have assigned desks - the deal is to wipe your desks down at the end of your shift because someone else might sit there the next day. Not many people do it though. I don't always do it.

But I've always had a thing as a teacher - clean/clear my desk on the last day of the week so that on Monday, I walk into a clean space. So...on Thursday I wiped down my desk and she turned to me and asked me why I did it? In her words, "is it because I think I'm better than everyone else."

I've spent all day hiding from the words and not thinking about the fact that they kinda hurt.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

LOL @NightFury

What a sad comment. No wonder you feel hurt. Have you ever had other challenges with this colleague? It's not a very empathetic thing to say.

Is it one of those things where in the moment, you don't know what to say, then after you think about all the comebacks you could've said?

I"m sorry this happened to you. From my perspective, you respect others, and that's why you do it. Do to others as you would have them do to you. Just like the colleague doesn't want to sit at a yucky desk, they should also wipe it down.

People like that make me angry.

I had a similar situation. Management went into my friend's office and was all grumpy, saying how messy their desk was. He made her tidy everything up... my friend was so annoyed and even went to his office, took a photo and showed me how messy his desk was!

Grrrrr!

I can see why you are upset!

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I'm just...

Is that what people think of me? @tyme little do they know that I actually have so so much self-doubt and I feel like I'm not good enough, like I don't belong and I don't have a clue what I'm doing. But is that the impression that I give to others, that I think I'm better than everyone else?

I haven't had any issues with this particular college. There is another that my brain works very hard to convince me that she doesn't like me. I'm not sure if this is the case or not - but it feels like it is.

In the moment I just paused and was like, "Nope, that's not why. That's not my intention at all." And left it at that.

It just feels respectful to leave a desk clean at the end of a week. No one wants to sit at a desk with food crumbs and coffee rings and I don't even want to sit at a desk that I've left mess on from the week before.

I don't...I don't have a safe person at my new job and it's very...lonely.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Are you working at a college? @NightFury

I'm sorry you don't feel you have a safe person at the moment. That must be hard and isolating.

Would you call yourself an introvert?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Ahah, no, I just misspelt colleague. @tyme thanks for the laugh though. It's broken through the tears.

Yes. I'm an introvert, until I'm comfortable with someone. That takes me a long time though.

but also, I really struggle with people and with reading them, and my anxiety is terrible with taking some small shift in someone and running with it. I'm quiet. I don't talk a lot and I'm not confident. I believe myself to be socially awkward and every social misstep I make, I beat myself up over.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Maybe it's just about finding your own tribe? @NightFury

It's hard in some work places. For the first time in AGES, I have a wonder group of people around me... and geez, it's been 40 years or so! I feel so grateful to have them as my support network. I never thought I'd have that.

Would you say you have anyone close to you in real life? I've never. Not even my parents. Actually, maybe my eldest niece? But that's pretty much it.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Interesting question @tyme

I thought I had someone close to me. I have a friend. We've only been friends for a couple of years and she is the person I list when I have to list my emergency contact. She understands about my mental health challenges and has lived-experience with her own. Our conversations are deep and personal and I can just about tell her everything. But since Christmas, we haven't really connected, except over brief messages.

I'm close to my parents but only on the surface level. I don't trust them to be gentle with the deeper parts of me and I don't trust them with my emotions and so a high level of masking happens aroung them.

I feel a close, deep connection to my niece, but she is only 2 years old at the moment.

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