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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

3920 replies

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In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@AuntGlow I seem to be experiencing a few down days. I'm at work at the moment though, so I'm just getting it done! Don't worry about me though.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury I get that, I go through lots of peaks and troughs too. ☺️

I will be here when you finish work if you want to have a yap!

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Thank you @AuntGlow

We'll chat later.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@AuntGlow how do you manage those troughs?

Because everything feels hard, everything feels like a battle and I just...part of me wants to curl up in a ball and just be done.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury I hear you, it really can feel like so much to manage at times. I think when we feel like this, it's helpful to do exactly that - curl up in a ball, honour what we are feeling and allow ourselves to move through it organically (without pushing or forcing). This may not seem overly productive, but putting feelings aside or not giving them the attention they need, is like trying to silence a crying child - it helps the most when they are held. 💛

So, to answer your question, I try and do this. I also talk out how I am feeling with people I trust, journal, or move my body (to help shift stuck feelings).

I also find turning to familiar things helpful, like favourite music, TV shows, foods - it can help the brain feel safe.

Let me know your thoughts on all of this when you are ready! ✨

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@AuntGlow it feels so...against everything that I've learnt to do. Soldier on, don't show weakness or vulnerability, always be okay...even when you're not.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I completely get this @NightFury. With how the world teaches us to act, alongside your upbringing, it makes sense that this concept would feel alien. That's okay and very, very common. We are learning to soften as a society, ever so slowly... but we are getting there.

Are you familiar with the Holistic Psychologist's work? She talks a lot about reparenting, and something I enjoy is her idea of keeping one small promise to yourself a day.

So, setting an intention to find ways to soften each day could be a focus for you this week (if you'd like to try it out)? What ideas come to mind when I say the word 'soften'?

Remember, this is all just a practice of building a new muscle. It's okay for it to take time and feel clunky at first (I am still working on this too). 💕

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hi @NightFury I hear you on this subject. I am not the best person to comment on this because I am not very good at this sort of stuff either, but as I have been dealing with the last 3 years of cancers, other chronic diseases and deaths. I know that sometimes you do need to not soldier on and reach out for help, or for other support. It's OK to take a "Mental Health Day" etc. Because are you really performing at your best? It is hard to see what the real situation is when you are in this "soldiering on" space. It is amazing when you mention that you are not OK, how many people say oh I've been there, or my sibling, parent, kid whatever has been there. It can actually strengthen relationships. I have known this for a long time, but somehow I didn't think it applied to me.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@AuntGlow I haven't heard of the Holistic Psychologist, but I love anything that's Holistic. I'm big on body, mind, soul, universe connection. Or I try to be. I find that I often neglect one or two and don't have balance though.

I'd like to try it out but it makes me feel pretty vulnerable, if I'm honest.

Can you help me with ideas? I want to do this...but I'm really dysregulated and my focus is not focusing and my brain isn't not thinking. I'm trying.

Soften...like the Needoh squishes I like to fidget with...working it until it's softer and warmer and has more give. That's terrible, I'm sorry.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury I have lost my fidget spinner since last night and it's been very annoying today when I have been trying to make some decisions. I have looked for it but I can't find what I've done wih it!

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