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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

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In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I'm not sleeping all day @tyme today I've changed the bed, got the washing under control, picked up Lu's poos, given Luna a hair cut and took her to the dog wash. So, I've been up and about.

It could be burn out. I thought five weeks off of work over Christmas would help with that though.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Unfortunately, as much as we'd like, we can't 'bank up' sleep @NightFury

Last week, I was having such a hard time sleeping. I didn't want to sleep. I wanted to wake up and do a million things! So then, but yesterday, I was exhausted!!!

Do you have plans for your RDO tomorrow?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I'm up at 5 am for work @tyme and I don't sleep through a night. I wake at least two/three times a night. So, I'm not getting the proper amount of sleep. But, sleep is a constant issue for me.

It sounds like slowing your brain down for sleep is hard for you too. I hope an early night tonight helps.

I have some housework to do tomorrow but I would love a slow start in the morning, some reading for fun. I have a paint by number that I want to start, and a blog post to write. I want to do things that are for me, that give me some enjoyment to connect with that again.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Paint by number sounds awesome! What's the scene you're painting? Believe it or not, I've never done one. I'd like to, but it's not a prority at the moment @NightFury

As for your sleep, not wonder you are exhausted! I'd be too! I wake at around 6am but I don't get to bed until way after midnight... and even then, I'm thinking and doing things in my head! It's bad! At that's WITH medication that's supposed to make me drowsy!

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

It's a lion @tyme with like a galaxy as the background. I used to love doing paint by numbers. I haven't done one in a long time though.

I take meds too to help with sleep, but I still wake every night, several times, and don't sleep through.

I hope it's okay to mention...I sat in on a client session the other day. The client has bpd. It made me think of you.

In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I'm not surprised you'd be looking for your sanctuary when you finish work @NightFury

I'm sorry things have been hard for you! I know what it's like to keep going when that's all there is. It's been quite a while ago, but it is with empathy when I think about that time now. Yes. My thread contains my poetry. I don't know many 'big' words but enjoy writing anyway. I love 'feeling' the words, if that makes any sense!

 

In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Good evening, lovely @NightFury,

I am well! I have been quite busy and a little sleepy, but overall well. What about you? How was your weekend?

I completely understand why next weekend would feel hard... I can make sure we have some people checking in. You won't be alone, okay?

Do you think having Luna there will be a source of grounding for you?

I hear you, it seems like doing the basics is taking a lot of energy right now, which makes so much sense. You're allowed to slow things down and meet yourself where you're at, always. 💛

Oh wow!! Does it feel like a more organic process for you at work now? 🤩

How did you go with your 'you' day yesterday?

I completely understand. Avoiding compulsions can feel unbearable and even irresponsible at first... it's like you're telling your mind and body to do something completely counter-intuitive to its natural protective response, so of course it's going to push back!

This response prevention practice sounds like it may be challenging at first, but be SO helpful in the long-run (because your body will start to believe/trust that these thoughts/sensations aren't threats).

What have you noticed in your reflections? And what is your process when your brain says to follow the compulsion? Have they given you grounding or soothing strategies for those moments? 🫶

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I'm glad to hear that you're well @AuntGlow are you working on any performances at the moment?

Thank you for that, Aunt Glow. Having people checking in and just being here would be an amazing support. They need to know though, that I might now reach out, because it's hard at the moment, but I really appreciate it.

Luna has to come. She can't stay at home by herself for that long, but I'm glad she'll be there. She gives me love, even when I feel like I have none.

I don't know. It did feel more organic. Then yesterday I got some feedback from a client. She doesn't want to work with me - she was overwhelmed with the process, didn't realise how involved it was and didn't want someone inexperienced. She's asked for someone else. It's hard not to let that rock my fragile confidence and not to take it personally.

My day on Monday went so quickly. I had a slow morning reading and drinking coffee in bed, then I did a couple of house work jobs. I wrote a blog, my first in a couple of months. Then I had to go and pick up a parcel and call into my Mum and Dad's. They've been travelling in their caravan and I hadn't seen them in a while. They're leaving soon to travel and will be gone for months. I was going to start a paint by number, but instead, I put on the TV and I relaxed in front of it.

I guess so far I've learnt that it gets a little easier the more you do it. I failed at ignoring them to start with. It felt like I wasn't in control. I would just do them automatically. And after a few days, I became more aware and it was easier to ignore them. I started to use a replacement behaviour. Instead of physically going over and testing the door handle to see if it was locked, I started looking to see if the bolt was slid across and the door was locked. Now, I'm reminding myself that I don't need to check because I can trust myself and know that I've already locked it.

Sometimes I slip, like last night. But last night was a hard night so maybe I can give myself a little grace? I cried myself to sleep last night. I just...hurt.

No, no grounding or soothing strategies yet...apparently that's next week. We learn breathing techniques.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hello, lovely @NightFury

I am! I little theatre show with a friend. It is very silly, early 1900's, English comedy kind of vibes.

That's okay, we are all here to meet you where you're at and support you, whatever that may look like.

This would be really overwhelming feedback, and it can be hard to not take this kind of information on as a direct reflection of ourselves, but this definitely sounds like a result of where she is at. And maybe the needing someone more 'experienced' is coming from a distrust in the process as a whole, and not you specifically? 🫶

A slow morning must have been really nourishing for your nervous system. How did blogging feel?

Mum and dad sound like they are having a really fun time exploring! I wonder if you and Luna could do that one day?

It really does get easier the more you do it. And it must feel really strange but rewarding to be growing in your sense of self-trust. I am so proud of you - it's such hard work. 💛

And it's easy for us to fall into safety behaviours when we are more dysregulated, so you absolutely deserve lots of compassion in those moments.

What did you notice hurt for you?

Okay, this is good to know. I always find that reminding myself "I can come back to this thought when I am feeling more grounded" can help me to loosen my grip on control a bit. Maybe this could help you too? 🥰

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

It sounds like lots of fun @AuntGlow

Distrust in the system is a good way of looking at it. I hadn't thought about that perspective. It was very overwhelming feedback and it's taken me a day to process it and to be able to see it from different perspectives.

I love slow mornings. I really enjoy having a coffee in bed, while reading my book and having Luna come up for pats and attention every so often. Blogging felt good. It felt like an achievement.

Luna and I have done some exploring together. We drove from Tassie to QLD, up the middle and then back again along the coast 13 months later. She is my travel buddy.

Physically, I had a great big ball of ick in my belly and a heaviness in my chest. I... I was questioning whether I can do this...all of it. I felt like I was alone, and doing it alone.

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