Acceptance is hard work

Thank you for the update @NightFury 😊 Glad to hear that there's so much excitement for you in this new role!!

Totally understand that first appts are usually difficult... was this one particularly challenging for more than the 'usual' reasons (i.e. vulnerability with a new person)?

Sometimes movement can be a way to help us reconnect to our bodies, and thus, our feelings. Me, I find that I can shake out some feelings by connecting to music and having a big sing/dance. Do you think something like that could help? Particularly if it is music that connects to emotion, something moving or that has some significance...

Hope you're plodding along okay 💜

I find it hard to talk about my OCD symptoms @Jynx and this appointment brought up a lot of confusion because we talked about the difference between when anxiety is present and when OCD is present and I honestly find it really hard to tell. I think everything's all twisted and I don't know which is which and sometimes what I think is OCD is actually my anxiety and it's not less, but it needs a different approach.

At least I know when depression has me - like at the moment.

The whole big song and dance thing is not for me, Jynx, I'm sorry. I hope you're having a good birthday.

@NightFury yeah I can totally see how that would be confusing!! Do you feel like you learned from it? Is it sort of to do with the irrationality of the intrusive thoughts kinda thing? I hear you that it is feeling twisted and probably a bit overwhelming, so no obligation to go delving into this right now if you aren't up for it 💜

Sorry to hear that the depression is hitting you hard. And no need to be sorry hun, what works for me isn't going to work for everyone. Sometimes a more gentle movement approach can be helpful for people, like a body scan exercise or some mindful yoga.

Thank you hun, I sure am 😊

(づ๑•ᴗ•๑)づ♡

@Jynx I need to share and I think you'll get it.

I had a day on Tuesday. I asked a colleague if I could shadow a session with her and her response was "no, sorry, not this time." And my brain had a bit of a freak out. I think maybe RSD kicked in? I had sat in on a session with her and her client a couple of weeks ago and to hear her say no, over a message without an explanation...it sent my brain into over drive. Instantly I figured it was because she was mad at me. And in trying to figure out why she was mad at me, I came up with this whole convoluted story...

She was mad at me because I had broken confidentiality. This client was a student I taught last year and I had mentioned to my friend and the TA who works with him, that I had seen the client at work. I thought that maybe she had talked to the client's Mum and the Mum had complained. I stressed and ruminated all day and couldn't let it go. When I got home, I messaged my TA friend and asked her if she'd spoken to the client's Mum and she said that Mum had brought it up with her instead, had instigated the conversation and not in a bad way, but in an excited way. It kind of made me feel a little better - my friend hadn't broken my confidence.

When I got to work the next day, I asked the colleague whether it was because I'd done something wrong and she told me that it wasn't the case at all. She just wanted to work one-on-one for this session with the client because they only have monthly sessions.

So, it wasn't anything like the story my brain had woven. Not at all. Then I felt silly, and frustrated at the way my brain works and the way it twists and overthinks things.

Totally get it @NightFury that is such a mood! RSD can weave all sorts of stories out of assumptions, especially if we're too heightened to think of any possible alternatives in the moment. It can leave us feeling very sheepish, and it can be difficult not to be hard on ourselves about it in the aftermath - especially if we acted on the assumption or spent many hours twisting ourselves into knots over the story we've told ourselves!

Being able to press pause on big, reactive feelings in a situation like this is something we can practice though. I have found this resource called 'The Three Pillars of ADHD super helpful - the Third Pillar being RSD (Pillar One is 'Interest-Based Nervous System' and Pillar Two is 'Emotional Hyperarousal', in case you're curious). They recommend DBT type skills to help manage - which includes practicing skills around slowing down and not acting too quickly on a reactive emotional response.

You could also maybe have a chat to your colleague about things like providing you with context around decisions like that, to help ensure you have enough information to hopefully avoid those quick, often self-blaming or self-deprecating, assumptions. Do you think she'd be open to something like that? Or even if she doesn't remember to always provide that little bit of extra info, just having the ability to ask clarifying questions in situations like this can be super helpful.

Can take a little time for those feelings of shame and embarrassment to wear off, but in my experience, people are rarely judging us as harshly as we judge ourselves, and learning to become curious about our own assumptions can go a long way too. You'll get there 😊

Helloooo @NightFury 💛

Oh! Do you have two weeks off uni or work?

Okay, we can absolutely be there for you during this time. Can you please remind me of the dates you will be saying goodbye to nan and grandad? We absolutely want to hold you in this; to remind you that you're not alone and that we've got you.

@Jynx @tyme @Shaz51 @heartathome @Chasingsunsets @AlwaysMyself @MissGremlin

I am curious to know if you have explored any blogging as well? I know you mentioned it might help you to process. 🥰

Ah!! That is so amazing to hear. See? You are always sooo much more capable than you realise! When will you get to go solo?

I know, it can feel awful, can't it? Hmm... blogging or tarot could be your entry point into mindfulness, because you connect with them both as practices? Anything that brings you into your body or into a state of flow will help to create inner connection.

I know Jynx mentioned movement too, which I absolutely second!

What would you like to try? 🫶

Hi @AuntGlow how are you?

I have two weeks off uni, well...one week now. A week has already gone.

I'm really really aware that next weekend is going to be so so hard @AuntGlow and I'm already feeling it. Luna and I are staying tor two nights. We're going on Saturday the 7th, the ceremony is on the 9th. We will be away on our own until family join us on the 9th for the ceremony.

I haven't done any blogging. It's hard to do anything except going to work, sleeping and doing the basics like showering, cooking food etc.

I am solo at work now! It happened this week. I went out to visit a client at school.

I would like to try blogging. I would love to fit it into my days over the next couple of days. I have an RDO on Monday and no assignments or uni stuff to do, so my plan is to try and rest, sleep, read for pleasure, give Luna a hair cut and bath and connect to some things that I enjoy - art/craft and maybe some blogging.

Aunt Glow...I've also been trying to work through the Mindspot OCD course, but I'm finding it tough. This week I've been trying to work on checking the doors, checking that they're locked every time I go into the kitchen...every time my brain goes..."you should check the door's locked."

The behaviour experiment is to lock the doors, and trust that they're locked. I have to see if and how long I can resist without checking...and record how my thoughts and feelings change over the process. It's hard.

Thinking of you lots 💓 @NightFury and sending you lots of hugs my friend 🧡

Hugs @Shaz51 hope you're well, my friend?

Sounds so busy for you @NightFury

Hope you are managing. Anything we can do to help you at this time?

Thinking of you 🙂