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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

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In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hi @tyme

Today's been a tough one. I cried while driving home from work - just because.

I got the assignment in and I have started the next one. It's due in two weeks. I have to get the research done this week if I have any hope of getting it in on time.

Today...I worked, ate dinner and I'm just settling into bed because I don't feel great. What about you?

My confession - I did three nights of Smiling Mind and then I forgot last night.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I hope the work isn't too stressful for you @NightFury .

If there wasn't a particular incident linked to you having the urge to cry, maybe you just needed a cry? And that's okay?

I've also had some tough days over the last 2 weeks... thank god I've waded through it and today, things seem better.

I'm sharing this because seomtimes, we may not have answers to or reasons why we feel a certain way - but one this is, if you can ride the wave, then IT WILL PASS.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

There were a couple of things today... @tyme

My brain reacted oddly to a conversation with a support worker. I went out to shadow a colleague on an observation and we needed to chat to the SW. We went into this small office and my colleague closed the door. It was hot in there, it was small, I was hungry and feeling a little frazzled, there were three of us in the room and I just wanted out. I masked for half an hour but there was something in that situation that made my brain freak out.

I reached out to the Uni counsellors last night. They rang me today to tell me they can't help me because they don't take appointments after 3 pm.

And then the psychology clinic rang to tell me that they didn't have room for me on their books.

And it just...all built up until when I was finally alone...I cried.

You mentioned that you were having some stressful days. I really am glad that things are feeling better for you.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Awwww @NightFury . That's tough!

I'm sorry you reached out and no one was able to help at that time. Did you ask about being on the waitlist for if an appointment came up?

Remember your toolkit...

I have a bit of a stupid story but when something similar happened to me in the past and I reached out by no one could support, to comfort myself, I used to say, "This has happened for a reason. I am being tested as to whether I am using the tools I have been learning in psych sessions".... this was the only way I could be comforted. In my head, I felt that if I REALLY needed the support, it would come. But if I didn't get it, then it's because I don't really need it and I was strong enough to deal with it....

Sorry if this story doesn't make sense.

Yeah, this have been a bit rough, but I'm keeping my head high and looking up 🙂 I'm always glad to be here on the forums.

In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury you're welcome for the reminder, I can imagine you've got a lot on your brain right now and that's when the little things easily slip out of mind! I did the same whilst I was at uni, and I valued it so much! A lot of my courses all had assignments due in the same week, so being able to stagger them out by getting an extension on one of them was super helpful. Hope you don't hit any snags along the way during this process 🤞

Also that suuuucks about the extra wordy assignment!! Do you prefer the PP presentation format, and/or having an extra essay-type assignment feel a bit overwhelming? Is it on a topic you are interested in?

Just reading about the intense day you've had. I think I would have had a rough time in a tiny, hot room with multiple people around and no food in my tummy! Sounds like a recipe for tears to me! Sucks about the psych clinic too, did they refer you on to anyone else or is it back to the drawing board on that process?

Awww, hugs 💜

(づ ᴗ _ᴗ)づ♡

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I was on the psychology clinic's wait list @tyme I reached out to them maybe a month ago now.

I can see where the confusion is. I'm sorry, I wasn't very clear. It wasn't because of today, it was a part of the process of me trying to get myself some support. It feels like it's been road block after road block.

Your experience makes sense. My thoughts instantly went to, "what am I doing wrong?" It's just...my default, to blame myself. The thing is...I feel like I need support and it's hard to not have any. @Jynx

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hi @Jynx

I didn't really like the powerpoint, because I had to film myself presenting it. But it wasn't something that took a lot of extra work. You could use your research from the last two assignments, but this is something new all together. It was just the shock I think of the change, and overwhelm at the word limit. I thought that once I completed the big assignment, I could relax a little...but that's not the case.

They made a suggestion as to another clinic to contact, but it feels like it's back to the drawing board.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Sudden change in expectations for an assignment like that is bound to throw you hey @NightFury - I think that's a 'tism thing 😅

But also the extra workload is no fun either. I hope it ends up being approachable and not too much of an extra workload on ya 🤞

Ach, definitely easy to default to self-blame in this kind of situation. I think sometimes if we blame ourselves, it means we have control over the outcome, and can change or do something to get the result we want. But if it's a systemic issue or some kind of extenuating circumstances, it means we are powerless to change the outcome... this is B&W thinking too, but that's often what is behind those kinds of automatic thoughts of 'what am I doing wrong'.

I'm sorry that it is so arduous and frustrating. You do have power - to keep trying, to take a step back from the process to focus on rest/nourishing yourself/new job stuff, to advocate for yourself - sometimes it's about focusing on what we can control. Best of luck - and don't be afraid to call up our Service Enquiries line (1800 187 263), maybe they can help you explore other options you may not have come across yet 😉

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I think it's a 'tism thing too @Jynx I like it when I know what to expect and know what's coming next.

Logically, I know that I haven't done anything wrong and it's something that I don't have any control over but when emotions come into play and I start feeling rejected then I slip into self blame mode and I've noticed that with self blame mode comes SH thoughts. I'm safe, it was just just something I had to work through last night. And I didn't cave.

Thank you for reminding me that I do have some choice, some control in how I respond and in what steps I choose to take next. I hadn't even thought about SANE's service enquiries line.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury relevant meme 😋

I totally get that - feelings are mostly triggered automatically, yeah? So like you can logically know that you're not to blame but those rejection feelings are already activated. Rather than trying not to feel the feelings, maybe it's about catching yourself when you notice that self-blaming coming up in your thoughts. As in, instead of saying to yourself 'I shouldn't be feeling rejected', you can say like 'it's okay that I feel rejected from this even though logically I know it's not my fault. That's just my brain trying to protect me from future pain, based on ways I've felt rejected in the past...' or something like that.

I hope you're proud of yourself for being able to resist. I certainly am!

You're welcome hun, I hope you can find the path forward that is going to best suit your needs 💜

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