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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

3920 replies

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In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury i am here with you sweet ❤️.

What do you feel would be helpful for you in this moment?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I don't know @MissGremlin

Maybe talking about what's been building, but I don't know? I'm judging myself, so others might judge me too.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury there is absolutely no judgement here sweet. I am here to listen to anything you feel comfortable sharing.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@MissGremlin I feel like I did something so dumb!

I don't know if I'm going to get paid on Wednesday. I was told that I would be by two different people, but I don't know. And OCD brain has chosen to hone in on thay and obsess over whether I'm going to get paid. I have 6 weeks rent put away, but no money food, bills or extra.

I knew there was going to be a period of me not getting paid while I transition to the new job. But it was reassuring to hear that I would still get paid for my holidays...because I earned them.

But I did something stupid. I brought myself a Christmas present. A bluetooth photo printer, so that I can print photos from my phone. I was excited because it meant that I could do some photo journalling. And would be able to slowly get into photography again and print my images and experiences.

But I shouldn't have spent that money on myself when I'm so uncertain over whether I'm getting paid for my holidays.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury oh sweet, i hear you.

Firstly I don't think what you did was dumb and i feel that you deserved to treat yourself to something especially when it gives you so much excitement.

Is it possible to seek clarification from someone about whether you are going to get paid on Wednesday or not, it might help to have that peace of mind.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I'm just really down on myself for it. @MissGremlin

I should be able to check my pay slip tomorrow, if I can access the system from home. But, I'm almost scared to find out...because what if I don't get paid? What if my NDIS registration is slow to process and I can't start work on the 1st of Feb? There are too many what if's in this for my brain to feel comfortable with tonight.

I have tears.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hi @NightFury , just read your post about your worries over the pay and having purchased yourself a present.

Like @MissGremlin I also don't think your purchase was "dumb" or silly/wrong. I actually think that if it is helpful for you in self-care and doing something of interest and journalling then that is actually an investment in your mental health - which also helps you sustain working.

I hope you can find out tomorrow about the pay situation.

If you find that for some reason you are not getting paid for the holidays, would any of these ideas help?

  1. Contacting the workplace to ask why you weren't paid - especially if you had accrued leave. And if they didn't pay you, can they please pay out your holiday leave ASAP.
  2. Look into what food pantries are around that you could get some free food from until you get your first paycheck from the new job.
  3. Contact your bill-services (electricity, phone, water, etc) to let them know you are have a brief financial challenge whilst between jobs, and would appreciate a short extension on payment for the current/upcoming bills. (I have heard most utility & phone companies will do this for you 😊).
  4. Consider whether there is any trusted family or friend who you could ask to borrow some money from to pay for these bills until you get your first pay checks and can repay them over a few months. (I know I would be willing to do this for my family or a friend that I trusted and knew would pay me back reliably - I'd be honoured that they would trust me enough with their vulnerability to reach out and ask).

Sitting with you in your anxiety.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Teachers here don't get holiday leave @AlwaysMyself because we're paid during our holidays. So, I don't have any holiday leave to be paid out.

Thank you for your practical solutions. I could probably do all of those things, or try anyway. Well, apart from the first option because I don't have holiday leave.

My anxiety has been building over this since yesterday. I think...I think it's based on the fear of the unknown and a lack of control. I'm stepping into a new job and a new life and I don't know what that's going to look like. I also have no control over how long NDIS take to process or over my pay.

It is my anxiety.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Change can definitely be uncomfortable and anxiety-provoking @NightFury , and I can only imagine how much extra when your brain is already anxious in general. I am glad you can recognise that the anxiety you feel can be disproportional to the situation - even though that may not make it feel any better, i hope it help feel less panicky to remember this?

I do believe it will all work out for you re: finance, even if you don't get paid for these school holidays - i feel that you will be able to get extensions for the bill payments. But I do hope you are still getting paid for the holidays, especially when someone mentioned to you that you would be.

Did you get any written advice about when your "last employment date" would be? or was it more just 'end of the term' generically because I guess you don't have to do any prep for classes during the break?

I had just assumed that teachers still accrued leave, but that they just had to take it during the school holiday periods. I have now learned something new! 😊

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Both the principal and the business manager (who checked with HR) both confirmed that I would be paid for the holidays. @AlwaysMyself but it comes down to trusting it. When my brain chooses to zero in on a thought - then it's hard to argue against it, especially when anxiety comes into play. And it's just been floating around and revisiting that thought since - for example, at 4 am this morning.

What happens is that we only get paid from 8.30 - 3, but we work from 8 am until 4 or 5 pm some days, and we're expected to work during the holidays (planning, paper work etc). So, we get paid during the holidays - for the hours we put in that we didn't get paid for and for the work we do during the holidays.

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