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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

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In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury just letting you know that I'm about to do my dishes then I'm doing my bedtime routine so I can sit in my bed. I'll be back on just after 7.30 here so in about 40 mins 😊

In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hearing you @NightFury and I think it's so valid to have this sense of dread hanging around, with all that's been going on for you.

Very legit to find it hard to talk about in your psych sessions. I know for me, sometimes trying to talk about how hard something is, it doesn't always sound like that when I say it out loud. That can lead to feeling ashamed that I am not coping with something that on the surface sounds like I should be coping fine with it.

I posted this in the toolshed yesterday but thought it felt relevant so I'll share again 😋

I think that whole 'looking functional' thing is soooo rough to have to contend with. It's like we need to be basically bawling nonstop for our struggles to be seen as valid. It's a product of stigma and of our profit & productivity-driven social context. "If you can show up to work, then you're not really struggling". It's absolute BS, but it can be hard to untangle ourselves from that particular social norm.

@AlwaysMyself

Also love the Lego gremlining together, so wholesome!!

English brekky for all hehe @Shaz51 💜

⸜(。˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I also need to eat something for dinner and do the dishes @MissGremlin and to slow things down for a minute.

Chat to you soon.

In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

This is a wonderful sensory soothing self-care plan you've created @NightFury 🥰

As for your mind... something that helps me is 'coming back to the thought'. It's a sort of delaying/disengagement strategy. I try and say, "okay, I notice that thought scares me a lot... I am going to come back to it in 20 minutes and notice how I feel then."

This strategy validates how you're feeling and gives you permission to go back, without diving straight into mental compulsions (which perpetuate the fear-based feelings).

When you are more regulated, you may notice the thought holds less weight.

If you'd like, we can work on that together - I am here until 10pm. 🫶

Hello @AlwaysMyself, thank you for being here too!!

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I think I should try and talk to my counsellor about it in tomorrows appointment? I don't know...maybe go by how it feels as to how much I share. In the sessions we've been mostly focusing on the job thing and on finding work and switching some of my thoughts about leaving teaching. But I want to ask if it's okay we talk about other things. @Jynx

Thank you for the share. It is relevant and a timely reminder that if it feels big for me, then it's okay. Someone else can't reduce it because they don't know/haven't experienced how it feels for me.

I show up for work and I'm struggling @Jynx.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Omg yes @Jynx - the ashamedness of levels of not coping and how people would judge also if they knew sometimes. And im not someone who generally cares for what others think, and for those who i do care i know/trust they wouldnt judge me. But yep i still have some embarrassment and/or shame around things like infrequent showering (basically if i dont have to go out, i dont shower. If i have to go out, then only if i smell 😅) and not brushing teeth. Both things that "functioning" people judge a lot in side-comments in generalisations. Both things that for some non-logical reason i just really dislike and thus struggle to do 😅. But it was soo relieving when i heard others admit that they too struggled with these things too (different people for each). Apparently showering barriers isnt uncommon in ASD? And dental isnt uncommon in a support group i chat with 😅. I felt a lot less ashamed to be able to talk about it.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I think I get it @AuntGlow

It's acknowledging it exists and that it's scary, but not giving into it, delaying it for a period of time.

I'd like to work on it, if and when you have time and opportunity. How can we work on it together?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@AlwaysMyself , have you ASD?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@Shaz51 thats a great question 😅. Never sought a test/diagnosis. I don't think i would be diagnosed under the DSM-V because it didnt cause "problems" in childhood (but masking can do that, and there is a better understanding of that now i guess). But i honestly don't know if my thinking was the same when i was young as i have very little knowledge of myself before 10yo. I also don't have a "special interest" to the degree most ASD seem to - although i do wonder sometimes if animals might almost be that (but again, not a specific animal and not like most ASD seem to).

So i dont think i'd be diagnosed.

However, do I have quite a few ASD-traits? Absolutely 😅. So many lol. And often thinking styles too. I get on great with others ive met with ASD 😋🥰.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Exactly! A big facet of OCD therapy is response-prevention. So, experiencing the trigger/intrusive thought and practicing actively not engaging in the oh-so-tempting compulsion. And please know, I am still working on this all the time, so you're 100% not alone in this journey. @NightFury

I would say that if you experience an overwhelming intrusive thought, you can let me know. Then we can practice delaying and check back in after the 20 minutes?

How does that sound?

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