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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

3920 replies

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In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

*hugs @NightFury * for both mental and physical health.

I have a friend who did relief teaching for a few years (primary school ages). She loved that there was no assessment marking or making lesson plans or report card writing lol.

In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Have a great time away @tyme

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Last night was rough @MissGremlin @Jynx @AuntGlow I want to share, to talk about it. I don't really know what I need, but maybe if I start with a listening ear and some support?

I'm going to put it in a trigger warning just in case. I'm safe. I feel super anxious today, but I'm safe.

TW: Mentions OCD, SH and SI

Content/trigger warning
TW: OCD, SH and SI


Last night things ramped up for me. Something triggered what I think is my OCD brain (I say, I think it's OCD because I don't have a diagnosis yet). I don't know what the trigger actually was, but I noticed the lead up...

I woke up yesterday morning hyper aware of something feeling off in my body. My brain told me it was my heart beat, it didn't "feel" right. I don't know what felt wrong about it, but I was super aware of it. I read for a while, which took my mind off of it. When I got up to get ready for bowls and got in the shower, I got hit with SH urges. I've found the "just wait until..." strategy works well for me, and I told myself, "wait until after bowls..." my brain seems happy with that strategy and the urges normally just disappear.

While driving to bowls, I listened to a podcast on mental compulsions. I've got an appointment for an OCD assessment in roughly two weeks time and I've been trying to learn as much as I can. Partly to convince myself that I'm not making it up or exaggerating, that I do actually experience OCD and partly because I want to learn.

I played bowls, concentrating was hard but I couldn't put my finger on why. We won, we got rained on. It was wet, it was cold and it was unpleasant. On the drive home I had some SI come up, but it wasn't anything to take seriously. I was thinking of what could happen if I don't find work soon...worst case scenario thinking. I stopped at the supermarket to pick up some food for Luna and I remember, as I was walking back to my car, that I randomly felt as if I wasn't safe.

When I got home I ate dinner and went to bed pretty early to read. I left the lounge room light on, because for some reason, I just didn't feel safe again. I read for an hour and then got up and took my sleep meds. They were a different brand and I hadn't had that brand before and that's when things ramped up. I was laying in bed trying to sleep and I had the thought..."If I fall asleep, I'm not going to wake up."

I started to go through the "script" I used to use as a teenager to help my brain settle against similar thoughts. Word for word, it goes..."please God, don't let anything happen to me or my family. No fires, no robberies, no nothing." I also use it to slow my breathing. Breathe in...and say/think, "Please God, don't let anything happen to me or my family." Breathe out and say, "no fires, no robberies, no nothing." I just say it or think it over and over again until the thoughts are gone and I can sleep. It doesn't even make sense because, I'm not religious.

After about two hours, I gave up. Got up, got a drink, went to the loo and then went back to bed. I attempted to reach out on the forums to try and distract my thoughts, but people were in bed asleep. So, not really knowing what to do, I decided to try and sleep again, using the same script.

Another couple of hours and finally, I drifted off to sleep. I woke in the early hours of the morning, and again at 6.30 am.

It reminded me sosoo much of what I used to go through of a night, as a teenager, I really believed that something was going to happen to either myself or to my family while we slept. Sometimes...I even convinced myself that I was going to be the one that caused it, and I wouldn't know or be able to stop it because I was asleep. That's where the 'script' was born - the one I use to distract my thoughts, and slow my breathing.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Good afternoon, lovely. 💛 @NightFury

Thank you so much for sharing this with us. It honestly does sound like OCD brain and I can relate to a lot of what you have shared, especially around things feeling off in the body/thoughts of sleep medication resulting in never waking up. It can be so scary. 🥺

It sounds like you did everything you could to redirect your focus, so I really want to commend you for your efforts here. It must have been so hard to sit with this discomfort...

I can imagine that all of this is coming up tenfold because of what you're going through emotionally, with all of the uncertainty and doubt around work (which absolutely feeds anxiety/OCD brain).

I know how hard it is to slow this part of the brain down when we are very dysregulated and exhausted from lack of sleep.

So, let's just start with right now - what do you feel you need most? 💖

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

It was scary.

I needed to talk about it @AuntGlow to someone who wouldn't judge.

I'm tired, and scared still. I need some support around tonight, some people around to talk to, to help me to feel safe, because I'm already worried about whether I'm going to be in that space again tonight.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Well, we are all here for you, okay? 🥰

How can we make your space feel as safe as possible tonight?

Maybe we can go through all the senses to explore this? @NightFury 🫶

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Okay @AuntGlow thank you for being here. That's how you can help, how you do help...by being here.

We can go through the senses. I remember doing this with you when I was having issues with sleep. It helped me to create a safe space then, hopefully it helps tonight.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury oh my sweet, i relate to this all too well. My heart both breaks for you going through it but also feels relief to know that I'm not alone in alot of things. I also want to say that I'm so sorry that i wasn't on when you needed someone. I've barely been sleeping and the last 2 nights I've just crashed it completely but still not getting quality sleep.

I really do understand when you feel something is wrong but you can't pinpoint what it is or something feels off and you are super aware of what's happening and then you fixate on it. I have night's where I'm scared to sleep cos I feel like I'm not going to wake up, then there's night's where I want to sleep and not wake up, it's like catch 22.

I also do the same thing and have things i repeat or do like finger tapping to the alphabet song or other nursery rhymes. And I just do it over and over again until I fall asleep. Yes I know that probably sounds silly and I don't really know where it stems from but I've been doing it for longer than I can remember now.

Can I just say that you do so well to manage your SH thoughts and SI. I'm a bit the same with the SH urges in that I'll delay it by thinking ok I need to do this first but then once I've done that the urges have eased.

I will be around tonight to chat and I'm happy to help however i can. We can have a cuppa if you're up for it and chat about anything or just sit together aswell. Whatever feels the best for you my sweet and I'm here for you ❤️.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I used to go through it a lot as a teenager, it was an every single night thing...for years @MissGremlin but I haven't had to deal with it this badly for a long time though. It's so hard @AuntGlow and I'm afraid it's here to stay again.

Please don't apologise for being asleep last night when I reached out. I know how hard things have been for you and how exhausted you are as well. You do not need to apologise. There was no expectation for you to be here and to answer. It was late, and I knew it was unlikely that I'd find you still up.

I can relate to what you said about some nights being afraid to sleep because your brain's telling you that you won't wake up and some nights not wanting to wake up. It makes it really confusing and conflicting.

It doesn't sound silly. My brain created a prayer type thing to help it calm it's farm and to reassure me that everything's going to be okay, that I'm held, and I'm not even religious.

I just need a plan. Something to help me get through tonight, so that I don't feel so powerless. Having a chat and a cuppa sounds like a wonderful idea, Dreamy.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury aww hun, sounds like a really difficult night. You handled it amazingly though, even if it doesn't seem like it - delaying action to manage urges, focusing on slowing your breathing, reaching out on forums (even if you didn't get a response, you still externalised some of the distress), and then talking about these experiences here with us today. Good on you.

I'm hearing how scary it can be to sit with these thoughts. I hope it helps to know you're not alone in your experiences.

You and @MissGremlin being in each other's corner so solidly is so wholesome, I'm always glad to see how kind and gentle you two are with each other. I'm down for a cuppa!!

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