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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

3920 replies

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In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

❤️❤️ @NightFury

In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@AuntGlow I journalled my own questions, like we were talking about last night.

Are the connections I've built at school reason enough to stay?

No.

I'm unhappy. I feel out of place in the school and with the school's style of teaching. I don't feel heard, I don't feel seen and I don't feel valued. The connections that are meant for me will continue regardless.

Am I settling instead of challenging myself?

Yes.

Teaching is what I know. It's a comfort zone of sorts and stepping outside of it feels overwhelming and anxiety inducing. Teaching is known and familiar. I'm still growing and learning as a teacher, but I'm adapting and shaping myself so that I fit the mould. I am maleable. I am changing myself to fit rather than finding a job, a work place that allows and makes space for me to be myself.

If I stay in teaching, how will I feel about it in 3 months time?

Even more exhausted. Even more frustrated. Nothing will improve. I will be in the same place I am now with work - struggling to find the motivation, the passion, feeling unheard, unseen, and undervalued. Feeling invisible and disposable. Feeling like I'm failing.

In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Good evening, lovely! @NightFury

I am responding to both of your messages here. 💖

I get that, adult connections can be really hard to keep. I know how much this means to you... so what could you do to try and nurture these connections?

I think you are doing the right thing, absolutely. Things haven't been easy, you're allowed to simply be right now.

Thank you! It really has been busy, but I am hoping it will help to slowly rebuild my capacity. I have really struggled with motivation, energy, focus, and positivity throughout this year. (This is why I always reassure you all that you're never alone!)

Oh wow, that sounds like the perfect match!! How did your call go?

Taking care of you is more than allowed. 💛

Regarding your reflections... I think you have your answer, my friend. It sounds like leaving could potentially open the door to a space where you feel truly valued, heard, supported, and expansive. I truly understand how utterly terrifying stepping into something new can be. And it may feel uncomfortable at first, but I believe you will absolutely thrive and supersede even your own expectations. Slowly, but surely. I am looking forward to hearing about what comes for you.

Have you done another card reading about this? 🥰

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@AuntGlow I'm sorry you've been struggling with motivation, energy, focus and positivity. It makes things feel like such a hard slog. I think it's really brave of you to work at building your capacity.

to nurture those connections, I need to make sure I keep in touch. I have to move past feeling like I'm a burden to my friends if I reach out, or like I'm too needy and make sure that I keep in touch. I need to make time and opportunity for catch ups and coffees and chatting.

The call went really well. She's fantastic to talk to. And because she's been a teacher, she can relate and understand. She assured me that every feeling, every doubt, every question that I have is valid and even though it feels complicated, even though it feels confusing, it will all work out into something that my brain can't even fathom yet.

She gave me home work - I have to journal to find the answer to the question "what does the best work day look like to me?" We're going to take that into the next session and pull it apart, figure out what matches with other opportunities and other sectors.

I have to write about the skills that I have that are transferrable.

And I have to allow myself to take a day off work. Not just any day - a Monday or a Friday. She said she could see it in my body, and in my shoulders, I've been through a lot and my body is still processing the grief of losing my Grandad and the fear of being broken into and now the grief of changing careers. My pre-frontal cortex needs time and space to work through it and to process it so that it can make decisions with more clarity. And on the days that I take off, sleep if I need to, go to the gym or for a walk if my body needs movement, cry, write, read, withdraw and don't do anything social if I need to. I need meet my own needs.

She also challenged me to apply for every job that I see that peaks my interest, regardless of whether I think I'm good enough, or have the qualifications to do it. She said to take it from someone who sits on a lot of panels, not one applicant has everything and that's how opportunities that I hadn't even considered possible, will come my way.

I once had a mentor tell me - if you feel excited and terrified at the same time, then it's something to pay attention to, because it means there's something in it for you, that there's growth and opportunity in it for you. I guess that applies here because I am both excited and terrified at the same time.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Good evening, lovely! @NightFury

It truly does... what do you find helps you with brain fog/heaviness?

Yes!! I love this idea. I often send random memes and light check-ins to people and it helps to keep the connection going; it absolutely can't hurt to explore this. 💖

Awww I love this SO much. She is 100% on the money with this one. How did it feel to hear that from someone like you?

I would really like to hear more about your best work day! This is a really fun activity. I often journal about that when I am looking for a new role. 😍

I am so glad she has encouraged a day off for you to meet your own needs and slowly process everything you are going through. She sounds wonderful, I like her already! When will you get to speak with her next?

Absolutely - “Chance is always powerful. Let your hook be always cast; in the pool where you least expect it, there will be a fish.”

Yes, the dichotomy of excitement and fear is definitely a sign that your heart is on board. You will know if something is right, because even in that space, there will be a lightness.

I have so much faith in you!! 🥹

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hi @AuntGlow

I don't know anything that helps with the brain fog/heaviness. I try not to push my mental capacity too much when it sets in. I can't read, I can't do a puzzle...I can just stare at the TV. I just let it be and hope it's better the next day.

It felt like...permission. Permission to feel this complex mesh of emotions because they were valid and "normal." It felt like I wasn't alone in it. And maybe a little bit of relief that it's possible to move through it.

When I journal it, I'll share my best work day with you.

Our next appointment's on the 24th, but I'm already struggling with the fact that it'll be my third appointment through EAP, so it'll be my last. I feel like I've finally found another counsellor to talk to that I connect with. I haven't had that since finishing up with the SANE guided recovery program, and I only get two sessions with her.

I'm going to try to sleep after this reply. It's been a tough day. I feel like the appointment stirred up my grief. I had some flash backs tonight of the day I went too see my Grandad and he couldn't breathe (it was a week before he died). Then had a bit of a meltdown. I'm okay. I needed a hug, so had a shower and curled up in bed with Luna and my book.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Good evening @NightFury 💛

How are you feeling tonight?

"It felt like...permission. Permission to feel this complex mesh of emotions because they were valid and "normal." It felt like I wasn't alone in it. And maybe a little bit of relief that it's possible to move through it."

This makes me so happy to read. Is it helpful to be reminded that you have permission to feel and that it's possible to move through all of this over time?

Yes, please share when you can!

Oh.... that's really, really tough. 😔 I wonder if she can recommend a counselling service that operates similarly to her? I am aware she likely can't share anything about her own work. 😣

Gosh, this would have been a very painful image to sit with. I am really glad you had Luna to curl up with. Sending you big hugs from afar. 🥰

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I'm feeling a bit blergh tonight @AuntGlow

I keep getting head cold symptoms, but wake up the next day and they're gone. I'm run down and fighting it, I think. I'm feeling a little unsettled, and frustrated and just blergh.

It is helpful to be reminded that I have permission to feel. Like...I'm not going to get in trouble for having and for feeling and expressing my emotions and it's okay to let myself feel them. I need that reminder because my emotiins come with complicated programming, I think. It doesn't feel safe to cry - crying comes with panic attack symptoms and I'm scared to express my anger in case my anger hurts someone else for example.

I'm not sure. I could ask. I think @tyme also mentioned that it might be possible to apply for extra sessions? I don't know yet.

Hugs @AuntGlow I could do with some of those at the moment.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hello! @NightFury 🫶

That happens to me too when I am feeling generally rundown... I think some time off is a really good idea. Have you decided when you might take it?

I totally understand that programming... and it takes time to truly trust ourselves, our feelings, and our ability to be with what comes up. I am proud of you for exploring this and so happy your EAP has reminded you that it's okay.

ooh, more sessions with her could be great! You could definitely look into that.

Well, I can keep sending 'em your way! 🫶

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hi there @AuntGlow

It turns out that I am actually unwell. I had a terrible night's sleep last night and I woke up with this lurgy set in. I went to work today, because we had an excursion planned and I was in charge of planning and running it and I wanted it to go ahead. I felt worse as the day went on and by the time the bell rang for the end of the day, I had already called a day off tomorrow. So, I'm staying at home tomorrow.

I've just tested. I don't have COVID, influenza or RSV. My throat is super sore, and I'm blocked up in the nose and sinuses. I think heavy head cold is to blame.

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