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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

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In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Grrrr @Shaz51 ! But I didn't even think!!!! It's BAD! Old age!

@NightFury , thanks for understanding this brain of mine!

It can be a FriYAY eve post 🙂

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

It'a FriYay now @tyme

Sorry for my lack of interaction last night. I was feeling particular emotional and was dealing with some thoughts and lots of heaviness, so I went to bed super early.

Hope your week's been okay, @tyme?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

So, an update from me, I guess... @tyme @Shaz51 @AuntGlow @AlwaysMyself

I didn't get the job at my current school. I was told on Friday that they have nothing for me next year. He apologised profusely and the feedback he gave me went something like this...

"You lit up when you were talking about student well being and creative arts. You turned into a completely different person. We can see this is where your passion is. But it's too big for this school. You applied for a classroom teacher role and your passion and skills are too big for that role. You're more suited to a specialist role, or a high school. We've chosen to bring in someone who has a passion for Maths and English."

I've been pretty quiet here since because, I'm confused about how I feel about it..

On one hand, I feel that he's right. The style of teaching they use at the school, as a whole school approach (direct instruction) doesn't fit with me and I really don't like it. And some part of me is excited for the fact that it feels free now - like...I know that I won't be working there next year, so let's see it as a brand new opportunity to try something else, somewhere else. This part feels like...it's trying to protect me, trying to mask the heavy, sad, disappointed side of me.

The other part of me is sad, heavy and disappointed. This is the part that's more present at the moment. I'm sad for the connections that I've made there, for the people I've met, for the colleagues that have become friends, for the students I've worked on building connections with. I feel like grief is involved for many reasons but the church on school grounds was the same church my Grandad attended when he was well and so...it connected me to him.

Some part of me is confused because is he saying I've outgrown teaching? Is he confirming my own suspicions?

I'm ashamed because that's three teaching job rejections I've had this year...I must really be a terrible teacher. I'm scared because I have seven weeks until I'm unemployed, what happens if I can't get a job? I can't pay the rent? I can't feed Luna and myself? What happens if I lose all the connections I've made, the friendships?

And I've had SH urged and SI pop up. I am safe. My go to strategy has been to sleep through it. Friday night I had 10 hours of sleep, last night almost 12. And I've still woken up feeling tired and heavy.

But I'm posting this morning because I saw a reply from @Jynx to @MissGremlin about how sometimes it feels easier to self-isolate and that's what I have been doing the last couple of days...so maybe, it isn't the best idea. Maybe, reaching out is better?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Morning @NightFury my sweet.

I'm so sorry to hear the you didn't get the job sweet, but the feedback that he has given you sounds positive.

The feedback itself is something quite powerful and really says alot about you, it's not saying that you have failed at this position but rather that you have outgrown it cos of your creative skills and abilities. You bring alot to the classroom for the students you work with and i think finding a job where you can really let that shine will not only be good for them but also it will help you thrive.

I can understand all your feelings here and each of them is valid both the good and the not so good. There's the excitement of what could be next but also the fear of losing what you currently have.

I don't feel that he's saying you've outgrown teaching as such but rather your passion and skills might be better suited to another position within education.

I know it's hard after several rejections and our minds jump to the worst conclusions, but those rejections don’t define your worth as a teacher or a person.

There's no reason you have to lose those connections and friendships, just because you may not work with those people you can still choose to keep in touch and catch up with them. If anything it might be an opportunity to create more personal connections rather than just those on a professional level.

I hear you on the go to strategy of sleeping, I've been forcing myself to sleep to drown out those thoughts and urges myself.

I know it's hard to reach out when things feel so heavy and yes it feels so much easier to self isolate. But sharing the load makes it lighter and we are always here for the good and the bad. You are an amazing person sweet and i feel that this is an opportunity to find yourself and to find a position that brings the best out in you.

Sending you hugs beautiful, I'm here for you ❤️

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Sending hugs @NightFury, it appears as though they are saying you're overqualified for the position.

They can see how amazing you are, and I suspect they may feel as though you would get bored with the position they are offering and not be there for the long term.

Yes it sucks being rejected for positions when you need the income to survive but I'd take it as a positive that others easily recognise your potential and that you are under selling yourself.

On a side note, perhaps the interviewers may be worried about you replacing them if you were to be employed with them.

Have you tried applying for positions that you feel you may be underqualified for? Our self doubt often makes us only go for goals and things that we feel is a sure thing, so we don't have to deal with failure. I know I undervalue myself and my skills, whilst others around me are surprised at my skills. I remember the time I went for a position that I didn't think I would get, due to my perceived weaknesses, long story short I ended up getting the job.

We are our own worst critic, we know all our perceived weaknesses, all our phobias, triggers etc, the thing we forget is that those around us don't know them, they don't know what our minds are telling us.

Stay strong and don't be afraid to go for things you feel are out of your reach.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hey @NightFury, thanks for sharing your experiences with the community!

Sounds like you are going through a pretty tough time with work at the moment and understandable to be having concerns about finances. You mentioned that you have been self-isolating and wondering whether that is the best thing.

My experience is that isolating feels good in the moment and can help us feel protected. But can quickly turn into ruminating and worrying as we can get stuck in our heads. We can get the feeling of being isolated which can makes us feel more alone and feed negative thoughts.

I encourage you to do what you feel is the right course of action for you but I believe that connection can provide us with feelings of safety and improves our wellbeing.

Just some thoughts to share with you!

Take care

RiverSeal

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@MissGremlin thank you for providing me with such beautiful support! What you say about it not defining my worth as a teacher, or as a person really hit home. I think that's why I've been self-isolating a little because I feel a little ashamed, and I feel a little like it will disappoint people I care about. I will disppoint people I care about.

@Former-Member I think what you're saying about b3ing over qualified is relevant. I admit to taking the less challening, less involved roles because...I've done school leadership roles and I burnt out. While I was good at it - the expectations and the responsibility wad too much, but also...it could have been the environment because when I put boundaries in place to try and protect my wellbeing, it always felt like a problem. So, I'ce taken roles where I have less responsibility and there are less expectations.

@RiverSeal thank you for your thoughts. I do think you're right about connection helping us to feel safer and less alone. It's a lesson in and of itself, to learn how to work through my first instinct to pull away and to isolate myself, and reach for connection instead.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

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In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury you're welcome my sweet ❤️. I hear you and I do understand those feelings of not wanting to disappoint people. But i think those that truly care about you would not be disappointed but rather they would see that you are trying even when you've been knocked back.

You certainly are not a disappointment, you are amazing and strong. You've been through so much and yet you are still here, still fighting, still trying, still offering others support. That's incredible my sweet and I'm so proud of you ❤️.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work


@NightFury wrote:

It'a FriYay now @tyme

Sorry for my lack of interaction last night. I was feeling particular emotional and was dealing with some thoughts and lots of heaviness, so I went to bed super early.

Hope your week's been okay, @tyme?


Sorry, @NightFury . I'm so behind... I don't even know what day/time it is anymore.

I'm starting to get really concerned about my brain... seems to be going down down down....

Emotionally I'm fine, but I feel like I'm forgetting a lot of things and so absent-minded.

It's 31 degrees here in Melb. I haven't done much today. You?

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