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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

3920 replies

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In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Thank you @MissGremlin. 🥹💛

I am glad you were able to find a little bit of rest throughout the night. I would have felt vulnerable being in the bedroom too. Did Luna stay close by?

I completely get it - shaken up is a normal reaction to a very scary situation. I invite you to work on being very, very kind to yourself right now.

As for containing, would expressing it first feel safe? If not, perhaps you could turn to the things on your safety plan? The list of things that are soothing?

Also when is your next psychologist appointment?

Changing the locks is a really good idea and I am happy to hear someone is helping you with this today.

Moving is good actually. I would encourage movement often, to help use the anxious energy you are holding. Bowls might be nice and grounding for you, actually. ☺️

In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hi @NightFury, firstly I am so sorry this has all been happening. The thief is not good at all and that would be extremely unsettling and scary.
I am so pleased to know you have Luna! What breed is she? She did a great job trying to protect you and alerting you to the thieves.

Thanks for the tag @AuntGlow! I will definitely be around to support you @NightFury 🙏

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Luna is always close by @AuntGlow but she took herself off to bed.

Being kind to myself today is my plan. I just need to figure out what that looks like for today.

Expressing it might help. I'm just trying to hold it and it feels bigger than me. If that makes sense?

My next psychologist appointment is on the 22nd, and my counsellor is away now until November. I don't have access to those kind of supports at the moment.

I'm not going to bowls today. I don't want to leave Luna at home by herself. Even though the locks have been changed...I need to work on building the confidence again to know that we're both safe.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hi @Chasingsunsets

I am still all kinds of unsettled and scared in my body. My belly is all in knots and butterflies.

And I'm anxious about tonight. I have issues with being scared of a night anyway, so this isn't going to help.

Luna is a Blue Heeler X Border Collie and I am eternally grateful to have her in my life.

 

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury, yeah I totally understand why you feel scared and anxious. It definitely would be very unsettling and I am sorry this has happened to you.

Luna is awesome!!! Dogs are great and to know she went into protection mode for you- that’s awesome!

I have a kelpie x Australian cattle dog Indi, she is also my 🌏. She’s helped me so much. I connect with how grateful you are for Luna as I am so grateful I have had Indi in my life, not sure what I would have done without her, she’s my best friend 🐶💜

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Luna is my protective factors at the moment. She's my reason @Chasingsunsets we are so lucky to have our beautiful pets.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

It does make sense actually, and I think it's likely because the fear is (understandably) very big. @NightFury

Will your dad visit again today?

And expressing it could be helpful... I have found a service through Wellways you could contact! It's called ListenWell and is led by peers. You can contact from 9am to 9pm. Let me know how you go and if it helps to be held by another person right now: https://www.wellways.org/our-services/listenwell-warmline/ ❤️

Oh, that is completely fair, of course. Maybe Luna can be at bowls with you one day?

But for now, rebuilding safety is so important. No rush on any of this, okay?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@AuntGlow Dad has been up, he made the pretense of wanting to spray the weeds around the fences for me. He was here for about an hour and a half.

The fear and the anxiety is really really present today. I thought I was going to have a panic attack in the middle of the street when I went out to drop the new keys off to the Real Estate. And it doesn't make sense because...it happened at home, shouldn't I feel anxious about being at home by myself and not about going out?

I feel terrible.

Thank you for sharing the service, AuntGlow, I will check it out. I'll let you know how it goes.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hey @NightFury, just back-read about what happened last night for you. I would be feeling the same as you if I were in your shoes - quite understandable to feel shaken and anxious about both staying home and going out.

So glad Luna was a good alert dog - she looks stunning too by the way. 😊. Hopefully her barking & presence may even scare them off any ideas of returning - they do say dogs can be a good deterrent if people know there is a protective dog present.

I get scared at home alone (or just with the dogs) often; always have since childhood. Having the dogs helps me because I know that my boy would hear them well before I do and he would be barking like mad if someone suspicious came up to the house - day or night. (Even visitors normally get barked at). And my mothers dog will bark at anyone down by the road -- so I get super advanced warning from him too 🤣 but he's a small dog, so he doesn't sound as threatening and my big boy dog with a big deep bark.

Glad you have the house and car keys changed now. 😊

Nice that your dad came over to check up on you (and spray the weeds) today 😊. Did it feel safer having a second person at the house?

I should be around all evening (based on my current plans); happy to chat and keep you company. Let me know if/how I can best give you the support you need/want and/or distraction.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Thank you for your support @AlwaysMyself and for being here to chat to today.

I am trying to do the best I can today. I have just finished a chat with Lifeline. I got frustrated because the person kept asking me the same questions over and over again...what do I feel I need right now? And what supports do I have to lean on right now?

I don't know what I need and I have a while to wait until I can get some support from a counsellor or a psychologist so...

And yeah, it did feel safer having someone else here, but I live alone, so other people go home.

@AuntGlow

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