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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

3920 replies

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In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

You can only be yourself @AuntGlow

I feel so overwhelmed by it all at the moment. I don't know what to do.

Me finding somewhere to live, somewhere that will approve me as a renter is dependant on work. And I don't even know, I can't even imagine what that's going to look like for me at this stage. I know it's an opportunity to think about what I want to do, I know that teaching is a challenge for me at the present, I know that the stress and the expectations of my job has an impact on my mental health and I know that it's not what I want to do forever, but I don't know what I want to do.

I hate that my confidence has taken a knock and I've gone back to feeling as if....I'm not good enough. I put so much of myself into making it through a teaching day, into masking my challenges, into working hard so that others can see my worth, so that my students and work colleagues like me, but it doesn't matter...none of it does.

And I hate that my sense of hope has taken a knock.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Thank you @NightFury. 💛

I can definitely understand why you're feeling this way... you're having to sort out a lot of big life things all at once. Can you give me a timeline of when you have to have answers for each thing by?

I was also just thinking, I wonder if there is someone at your current school you could talk about all of this with. I remember you mentioning a colleague who you connect with... could you confide in her at all for some guidance?

Also, do you still have access to our recovery groups? The Hope and Meaning ones would be really supportive for you right now.

I get why your confidence has taken a knock, mine absolutely would too. Though I can't help but sense there is something else out there for you, something that is even more aligned.

When you're feeling more ready (and it absolutely doesn't have to be now) - would you look at applying for other roles? Perhaps you could expand your search so that you're in an organisation that aligns with your values/has a similar ethos? I feel like you'd have lots of transferable skills into community and support work. 🥰

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I don't know about a timeline. I think it would feel like...like pressure @AuntGlow I know time is moving quickly, but the pressure to hit those goals would be a lot. And I already know what would happen if and when I don't hit them.

I do have someone at school that I could talk to - and that I do talk to. I shared my job failure with her on Friday. She was the first person I told because she was with me when the email came through.

I am in the recovery group, so yeah, I do still have access to the groups. I have a couple booked in for next week. Not sure what ones they are though.

I've done support work before. It's what I did in QLD for 6 months. I worked with young people - my youngest client was 7, my eldest was 18. And I loved it. But at the time it wasn't sustainable because it was only casual work.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Ohh, my apologies - I meant what dates do you have to have a decision made by, more so than a whole timeline! 🥰 @NightFury

But yes, I get that and it's okay not to think about it today.

Was it nice to have her support? I can imagine it would have felt good having someone there with you in that moment.

Okay, I am glad to know this. I hope that whatever group you're in, it helps with a sense of connection.

Ah, that's right! Hmm... maybe we can plant this seed and see what sprouts? 😍

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@AuntGlow it was nice to have someone there, someone to vent to at the time. It's nice to have someone know a little bout what's going on for me at the moment.

I went to the Rainbow Connections group for the first time. But it was also the first time I've been comfortable enough to contribute more than simply saying hello. @Jynx

Stepping away from teaching feels like a big, scary thing to do! But it feels more...accessible than teaching beyond this year.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Aww so proud of you @NightFury for opening up!! Can feel sooooo daunting hey, so glad to hear that you've been jumping into the groups world!!

I wonder if there's a role where your teaching skills could easily translate without actually being a teacher - for example a friend of mine trained in counselling and social work, and is now a professional piercer - he says his experience is SUPER helpful cos of how often folks coming in for piercings are like, super emotional or feel very vulnerable, so he's really able to create a super safe space to do his stabby stabby.

Random example off top of my head might be stuff like becoming a trainer, like you could run LGBT workplace trainings or something; psycho-education group facilitation; heck, maybe teaching would feel different if you were teaching a super niche subject that you have a special interest in!!

I dunno if these ideas help but maybe even just in getting those brain-stormy clouds to roll in 😋

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I don't know if jumping is the correct term for it @Jynx more...dipping my toe in to check the water...

Thank you for the suggestions @Jynx I like the out of the box-ness of them. Get some thoughts other than...I don't have a future, running through my head.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury dipping a toe is perfect I reckon. How did it feel to dip in? Hehe

You're so welcome hun. I think it can be that much harder for us to see these kinda options when we're in panic/survival-mode so don't be too hard on yourself if you can 😉

Huuuugs!

(づ ᴗ _ᴗ)づ♡

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@Jynx it felt...good. I actually joined in for the first time. I don't know...maybe I did question a little bit whether I belonged because...well, I haven't really...I'm still trying to figure out my own sexuality.

I don't know what mode I'm in. I think I'm still in the "ouch, it hurts and it sucks," mode.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury you belong. Whether you've figured it out or not, folks who are questioning deserve a space in the community, especially so that they may feel welcomed if they figure out they fall under the rainbow umbrella 😁 I hope you continue to find your voice in the space hun 💜

Legit - and sometimes that's just where we gotta be for a bit. Biggest thorn might be that we need money to like...eat and stuff. So I can understand if there's a sense of pressure to be 'over it' already or something like that.

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