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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

3920 replies

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In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Yes @NightFury , I procrastinated yesterday and didn't look at any of my studies. How'd you go with your study yesterday?

What an interesting set up with the last starts! It sounds amazing though! As for your coffee incentive, way to go! Dirty chai, here we come!

I also read that you find journalling hard. I know there is a lot of research around journalling, but I feel it needs to be done 'properly'. I'd be interested to know what this 'proper' way is. Is it just a brain dump? Does it have to be structured (e.g. what's the currently reality, what I my goal is and steps to get there?), or is there another way? It's super interesting. If you come across it, let me know!

As for naming emotions, I TOTALLY get that! I remember so many times, sitting in my psych's clinic and he'd ask me.

1) What are you feeling?

I really struggled to name how I was feeling. So I just made something up e.g. anxious... but I couldn't really pinpoint what I was feeling. Often, I'd say what I was thinking instead e.g. I feel like I need to XYZ.. so my psych had to bring me back to talking about feelings...

So, his questions usaually are:

1) What are you feeling?

2) Where to you feel it?

3) How heavy is it?

4) What shape is it?

5) What colour is it?

6) Is it moving?

And these questions go on... At the end of the exercise, I tend to feel 'lighter' and less fused to the feeling.

Sorry if I'm not making sense!

In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I have been pretty quiet today @tyme dealing with some low moods at the moment. Struggle street. Though it probably doesn't look like it given the list of things I've done today...

It sounds as if you got a lot done today. I hope the meetings were good ones, and not meetings that should have been emails. And you got to spend time with the kids. I hope they're going okay with being back at school?

Today I...

- took Luna for a walk

- shouted myself a coffee

- got work done

- came home and got the washing in, picked up the dog poo. (A never ending job)

- studied for an hour and a half

- then attended class online.

- did my tax while listening to my lecture.

Tomorrow...I don't have a lot on my list yet

- survive work (we have teachers out and no relief staff)

- do my washing at the laundrette

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

You make sense @tyme

I um...have done some work on learning to recognise where the emotions sit in my body.

For example...my anxiety sits in my stomach/solar plexus and often it feels like fists curled up in my stomach. I can't sit still, I have to fiddle or do the leg jump thing...

But naming what it is I'm feeling is so much harder for me.

Like at the moment...I have a sore back, sore traps, and I've been headachey which is a sign that I'm carrying tension in my body. My body is heavy tonight...but I can't answer the question what am I feeling emotionally.

I think that concept of learning where your emotions sit, learning how to describe the way they feel in your body, and understanding that they can move and where they move to is somatic? I could be wrong though.

In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I am getting there, albeit slowly... haha @NightFury

It's great that you know what you need in these moments... when I am super dysregulated, a warm shower often acts as a nervous system reset. Would that help you?

Okay, how are you feeling about the waiting period?

I know, but you're doing it. 🥰 And look how much you got done today!!

(I am avoiding completing my taxes, apparently, I owe money. 🥲)

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Yes! You've described it so so well! The fact that you are feelings all these things but you can't name the feeling! That is exactly what I mean! It's just this unpleasant feeling.

And you are right. That skill is somatic, and there's a strong focus on it through acceptance and commitment therapy. It's the concept of 'fusion' versus 'defusion'. This exercise supports a person with defusion so that they are 'spectators' of their feelings as opposed to being THE feeling.

@NightFury

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Congrats on all you have achieved today! @NightFury

Yeah.. i get that poo job! It's never-ending! Maybe YOU will have to be the one to make the poo-picker robot - then you don't need to teach anymore!

I only JUST got my last year's tax done and I ended up owing about $20k. So I'm NOT looking forward to getting the most recent tax done!

Yeah, the kiddos are back at school. They've been having really good days so far this term - but it's only been three days

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I don't know what would help in the middle of the night to be honest @AuntGlow. A warm shower works during the day when I'm feeling dysregulated though.

The wait is a concern...another two weeks for support with my sleep. I'm already exhausted and struggling with that, in terms of the impact on my mental health. Everything feels harder, heavier and it's tough when I get the, "I should just give up," thoughts and moods.

I was avoiding my taxes too, for the same reason - I thought I'd owe money, but it was on my mind so I just needed to get that one thing out of my thoughts.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I'm going to try to reply to both of your posts...

I don't know if the words exist to really be able to accurately describe our feelings @tyme but that's a thought for a time when my brain's not so fried.

I hadn't heard of 'fusion' or 'defusion' before but it makes sense to me. Thank you for teaching me something new today!

I'm not sure I'd be a good inventor. Particularly if it involves robotics. I'm not great at practical, hands-on, real world application smart. I'm book smart...applying it is a whole other thing.

Last year's tax....ouch! That would have hurt. Wow! A tax bill always hurts.

I'm glad they've had good days at school. The way you start a term makes so much difference to your experience over the whole term. So, it sounds like they're off to a good start.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I would really encourage you to try it tonight, if you need - it feels like a warm hug. I have been looking into weighted stuffed toys, I wonder if something like that would also help? @NightFury

I get you completely, exhaustion really can exacerbate those thoughts - especially when you just want to switch off. I think this is where a 24/7 service can be really helpful, just to hear another person's voice and reassurance?

I get that. I have so much on my to-do list, it can be overwhelming but so relieving to tick things off!

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@AuntGlow I've kind of been looking at weighted stuffed toys. I know the kinds of games my brain played on me when I got my first weighted blanket last year - I felt so...ashamed that I had it. But I brought it because I felt like I needed it. It was the same with fidgets to begin with too - the whole, "these are for kids. You're an adult you should be able to manage life without that..." is harsh to work through.

Yeah, I guess that is the perfect time to make a call to a service. But I will try the warm shower too if I need it tonight.

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