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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

3920 replies

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In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@tyme I needed to get some study done today because I hadn't started this week's content and I did about an hour and a half after work, so I guess I achieved that.

I want to write in my journal tonight before going to bed and do a Smiling Minds exercise before bed

Tomorrow is my later start. Instead of 8 and on class at 8.30, I don't have to be at work until 9 and on class at 9.20...so before work I would like to...

- shout myself a mid week cup of coffee

- vacuum my house

After work...I need to get some more study done.

How are you going with your assignments?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hey @NightFury !

Well done on getting some study done! That's certainly an achievement to celebrate!

How has journalling been going for you? Any particular reflections?

Arghh, with Smiling Mind, I was on a major streak and last night, I didn't go to sleep until after midnight which meant I didn't listen to Smiling mind until it ticked over to the next day - so I lost my streak! I was so devastated!!!

Oh well - live and learn! Don't sleep after midnight!

I've been staying up reading one of Alice Pung's books.

With your 'later' starts, is that the whole school or just you? I know some schools finish early on Wednesdays (1pm finish), but I haven't heard of a whole school later start. I hope you get some rest with these later starts!

And shouting yourself coffee sounds AMAZINGGGGGG!!!!! I usually get coffee when I'm out, but this week, I took out my other coffee machine so now I'm having more coffee at home instead of buying it.

How do you like your coffee??? I LOVE Mount Blanc coffee, but I only know 2 places that sell it and I'm not going to drive to the city to get it! It's a cold brew with cream, and has a citrus flavour!

My lastest enjoyment is matcha. I've only had it twice, but I'm really enjoying it.

I hope you get the vacuuming done as well as your studies tomorrow!

Thanks for the reminder about my studies. I'll check what I'm up to, but not tonight - I'm going to procrastinate tonight.

Tomorrow?

- Meeting

- Meeting

- Relax

- Forums (evening)

That's all I've got planned so far 🙂

Sorry for the LONG post!

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

It's okay. I appreciate the long post @tyme I appreciate that you're giving up a moment of your time to respond and have a chat with me. I know I'm kinda quiet at the moment, kinda struggling to connect and join in, so...I appreciate it.

Journalling? I have only done it once so far. It's something I find challenging because...I feel as if I don't have a lot of access to my emotions at the moment, so me trying to name how I feel is tough. It's why I need to do it, so I can start to get back in touch with what I'm feeling and why.

I did the same thing with Smiling Minds a couple of times. It is devastating. I've been up and down with it, on and off, so I want to get back into trying to get some consistency happening.

With the late starts, because we work in a team of three teachers over two Grade 5/6 classes, each of us gets a late start one morning per week. I missed out on my late start for the last three weeks of term 2, so I'm keen. It's something I look forward to. A little incentive...get myself to Wednesday and I get an extra little bit of time in the morning and a cup of proper coffee. It's something really simple...I know.

My go to coffee is a large dirty chai with an extra shot of coffee. I'm not very...adventurous with food and drink. I tend to find something I like and stick with it. I can eat the same food every day if it's something I like. I'm not fussy, but I do have sensory stuff with food and drink.

I don't have a coffee machine at home. I used to, but it didn't survive the car ride from Tassie to QLD. It just stopped working, not sure why. I got to QLD with a broken coffee machine. Our principal has just brought us one for work though...which is lovely.

Procrastinate away! Sometimes taking a break helps us to get more out of the next time we pick it up.

In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I understand, that would make it really tough... especially when you're someone who is so loving and considerate towards others. @NightFury

I can imagine exhaustion would be playing a big role here, and I know that sometimes we 'mask' to get through work, and that is exhausting in itself...

What is one thing that might make this week feel even 1% lighter? 💛

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@AuntGlow I mask all day at work. Sometimes it frustrates me, especially because I'm aware that I do it, but it's also really exhausting, yes.

I just want...even a decent sleep. I'm tired. In more than one way, but even a decent night's sleep would make this week feel more do-able. But, I'm not sure that's something I really get a say in...I can wish for it, but it's not really something that I have a lot of control over.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Do you have an inkling as to what is waking you up/making it hard to fully settle? I know we tend to sleep light when we are experiencing hypervigilance... it's the body's primitive way of protecting us from threat, but it's so outdated! 😣 @NightFury

When I have had troubles sleeping, the GP has supported me. But I think finding things that helped me to feel soothed at night and grounded throughout the day helped a lot too... I know this is so much easier said than done though.

Maybe if we keep working towards safety in the body, it will help? ☺️

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I dream @AuntGlow and I have nightmares. I've had night terrors since I was a child. There's a story behind it...let me think about whether it's something I'm ready to tell here. Maybe it needs to come out...maybe then the community might be able to support me with it, but I'm kinda worried about judgement a little. I don't know why...I can't explain why...maybe because my own parents made me feel as if I was something to be afraid of while it was happening?

It has a lot to do with hypervigilance yes. It has a lot to do with my anxiety and with feeling unsafe. And when I wake up is when I get my strongest SI thoughts.

I have to do something because...I can't do it for much longer - only a couple of hours sleep at night, work and study and life things on top of it.

Maybe a combination. I think I need to see my GP and I'd like to keep working towards feeling safe in my body.

Good night @tyme @AuntGlow

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

My best friend experiences this and she has said it can be utterly terrifying... it would make sleep really distressing, I am sure. @NightFury

You are more than welcome to slowly share whatever you would like. There's never any judgement from us. 💛

This makes a lot of sense... hmm, what do you need most in those moments?

Honestly, lack of sleep makes me so dysregulated, so I get it completely - it's tough to be a fully functioning human when you're exhausted.

When you are able to find a psychologist who more closely aligns with you, that will help so much too. I can see you are on your way to things shifting, and I am so proud of you and all of your efforts. 💕

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hi @AuntGlow I hope you're starting to feel a little better?

What do I need most in those moments? I don't really know, to be honest. Generally it's time. Time to regulate my body so that I can feel safe enough to go back to sleep. If I can go back to sleep, it quietens the thoughts.

This morning, I made an appointment to see my GP. I can't get in for another couple of weeks.

I'm trying AuntGlow. It's tough.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hi @NightFury ! I'm so happy to see you! I've been looking for your posts so I can do some more goal setting with you.

Today, I completed:

1) two long meetings

2) got admin work done

3) played games with the kids at home

4) connected here on the forums

Tomorrow, my goals are:

1) get lots and lots of admin work done! I've planned it all in my head so I'm going to smash it out tomorrow

2) relax once I've finished all my work.

What about you?

I'm also going to post another message to respond to your post from before.

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