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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

3920 replies

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In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Okay, what comes to mind when you think of soothing or comforting? @NightFury

Whoa, that is SO cool! I am sure playing regional would be really rewarding for you. What do you like about bowls?

Aw, thank you! It's just one of those adult-things we have to do, isn't it? ☺️

In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hey @NightFury ,

Thanks for sharing. I'm sorry today has been a little 'fragile' - would that be the right word?

Despite that, good on you for accomplishing what you have today.

I slept into today... I was feeling a little headachish in the morning but anyway, I:

- did another load of washing

- took the kids to the shops

- took them to the library

- took them to Starbucks

- vaccuumed

- ironed (I still have more to go though)

And now I'm here on the forums.

Do you have any plans for tomorrow yet?

Also, do you feel a little better today than yesterday?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I'm not sure @AuntGlow maybe just taking it slower tonight, sitting by the fire maybe using my weighted blanket. I don't have any amazing ideas. What comes to mind for you when you think soothing and comforting?

I like the way lawn bowls makes me feel. It makes me feel confident. I change when I'm on the bowls green, and get a bit of swagger and confidence and I feel comfortable. It's something I've felt successful at in the past.

Adulting can be hard, and adulting that involves housing is extra hard.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@tyme fragile is the right word. Today has been a better day, but also feeling a little broken and maybe a little concerned about that - so I'm trying to be gentle and not let myself spiral again. I hope that makes sense?

Sounds like a busy day. I love that you take the kids to the library - I feel like not a lot of people visit the libraries any more, especially with the younger generation. I hope your headache has settled a little?

Tomorrow I have...

- Take Luna for a walk

- Clean and tidy up the house

- House inspection

- Study

Hey tyme, I was wondering, if you have time and opportunity, can you help me with some boundary setting tonight? It's something that's coming up for me over and over again? Something I have a really hard time with.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

So it's good that you have a few things planned for tomorrow @NightFury

Yes, of course! Boundary setting! In a way, I feel I had to learn the hard way because I was 'bitten' too many times.

Just to let you know, I am sharing the below from my experiences. It is NOT major research I have conducted or anything.

For me, boundary setting was:

1) internal - boundaries I set within me to protect myself and others (so others didn't necessarily know about these boundaries)

2) external - boundaries I made explicit with the other person.

3) placed on me - I had to accept these boundaries placed on my by other people and work with those boundaries

What sort of boundaries do you think you need most support with at this time? @NightFury

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Thank you for sharing your experience with me @tyme I appreciate it.

I think I need the most help with internal boundaries.

I'm learning how to set external boundaries. My relationship with my brother is teaching me that - setting boundaries about lending him money, about not being used when it comes to taking care of my niece, and saying no sometimes when I need to take care of me - I haven't really had those in place before, so they're a work in progress.

Internal boundaries though...I'm not sure that I have them, or had even considered them until now.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

What I find is that I set internal boundaries for myself. For me, it's a bit like a game where I incrementally increase the boundary.

Examples of this:

1) I used to see an area mental health psychologist weekly. During the week, even if I felt I was desperate to contact them, I set myself an internal boundary that I would NOT contact him outside my session times. This would cause me to have to practice my own self-soothing skills rather than always seek external validation

2) I would get very angry very quickly. I set myself an internal boundary that I would NOT message or email a person while upset - this is because I used to lash out, send harmful messages and then have to reap the repurcussions.

I'm guessing internal boundaries can be set for yourself or others.

For yourself, it could even be small things such as not allowing myself to have a break from study until I finish XYZ.

For others, it can be that you won't contact a person unless they have apologised for something.

This can all be very broad. I'm not sure which part would apply to you most. @NightFury

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Internal boundaries are tough to wrap my head around @tyme

Maybe it can be something like...

Acknowledging within myself that it's okay to put myself first and not dismiss my needs as not as important - which works in with boundary setting with my brother at the moment.

Maaaaybe I've already set an internal boundary for myself...

About a month ago, I noticed my housemate from QLD making negative comments about me online. I'd severed all contact but had kept her on socials. Those comments had a big impact on me and made me go through the whole "should I say something or should I swallow my words and keep the peace," fight within me that was the whole theme of our housemate experience. It made me go back to how I felt while living with her and it made me feel small and insignificant. So, I blocked her on social media.

It's something I'm going to have to think more about. I'm finding it challenging.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

That sounds sooo cozy! @NightFury

I think of warm showers, hugs, talking to a friend, lying in bed, listening to music, candles, yoga. 🥰

Oh my gosh, I love this for you!! I want to hear more about 'lawn bowls MissinTooth', she sounds baddass. 😎

I wonder if you can bring this energy into other parts of your life?

Very much so. 🥹

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@AuntGlow...more information about bowls me....um I grew up around bowls clubs. My Grandfather was president of one and My Nan taught me how to bowl. I've always been proud to be a part of a bowling family but sometimes feel like my surname defines who I am in the bowls world and I kind of want to make my own way. I've always felt more comfortable around older people than I have people my own age and lovelove hearing their stories and learning from them. I've been in and out of playing bowls since my Nan died, but it's something I always come back to.

I don't feel as confident or as comfortable in the world outside of bowls. I feel pretty...small and isolated in the big world and so...I shrink.

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