for those strange people who love rabbits

@DownMoreThanUp i am sorry to hear that you have been so unwell 😞 . gentle bunny hugs and hugs for you my friend. i have never had kidney stones but know they are incredibly painful.

@DownMoreThanUp DownMoreThanUp can i ask you a question? yesterday i saw a shadow person outside my kitchen window it was a male figure with no face all in dark grey walking towards me. have you ever seen one before? this is my second.

@Bunniekins Yes i have, and not just once, many times in the past. Once, while psychotic, i attacked it in my raging alter, and smashed it in the face completely out of control, before i awoke to the reality i was standing outside hitting and raging at thin air. Freaky moments for sure, 😱which really made me feel stupid afterwards.

@Cuddlebear @Mustang67 @ENKELI @REDLINEZ750

My used to have 'faces' though - like creepiest of demons - always those green yellow eyes seeking after my life! (In my paranoid alter these kind of hallucinations used to leave me mindlessly overcome by terror. Once i hid in the bush for a long time overcome like that and got bitten to pieces by mozzies. So yes bad memories seeing spooky figures hallucinating.)

@DownMoreThanUp i dont feel i am psychotic .... i feel pretty good the best i have felt in a long time. but then again we dont know when the madness will take over again it kind of slips through the barricades. sometimes i feel i have a tenuous grip on reality. whatever reality is..... i am sorry you went through all of that.

@Bunniekins Good to hear you are not psychotic, but as you say moments can slip by in just a few seconds, at least it is often like that with me.

@Cuddlebear @Mustang67 @ENKELI @REDLINEZ750

When i was kid, and did not know i was schizophrenic or understood my hallucinations, i thought they were my mind picturing films/realities through my fantasy but i could not understand how they effected my feeling world. For day dreaming went very different.

Anyhow i hated myself in my paranoid alter at the time for then i couldn't even watch any movie that had thrilling bits in it, just the music becoming scary would have me freak, while at other times i had none of those issues.

So i was going to FORCE myself not to be scared of spooky stuff any more. So one night when it was full moon. i very quietly climbed out of my bedroom window, just before midnight, for our bathroom and laundry roof was right underneath my second story bedroom window. And walked to the cemetery at the end of the block our home was on - about 250 meters away from my home, surrounded by tall trees and dense shrubs.

And there i sat at midnight on the bench disbelieving basically stiff from terror all the ghost and spooky stories i did not believe in. Luckily i did not have any issues with hallucinations that night but i still remember my heart beating loudly in my chest and any noise had me freak. But i did it! Although i did not overcome my paranoid alter, just more to freak next time i was in it.

You ever done that trying to prove your fears wrong? It has been the story of my childhood. Always trying to be braver than i was.

In the end though it did really help me a lot doing this kind of silly stuff. For i learned to keep my composure even freaking big time. Which was handy at school, or when i had to do something scary publicly. (Although once i got court out abseiling with a whole group of street kids, and i was in my paranoid alter, and did not dare to go down a short 3 meter drop. i was shaking violently all over trying to go down that rope, and everyone laughing me to scorn. Pretty crappy experience that was. For i love abseiling otherwise, and i hated people seeing me in what i termed myself to be the weasel, so embarrassing then. Glad i got over all that!

@DownMoreThanUp Hello lovely how are you? Thank you for sharing your experiences.

You’ve done so well in learning to face things that scare you. You’re so strong and have really helped yourself.

Yes I have fears too. They come from trauma. I’m still learning how to cope. It’s tough.

@Bunniekins Hello lovely. I love your bunnies. I hope you’re doing well.

@Cuddlebear Yes my fears are trauma related as well. Unbelievable how much damage trauma can do, and how little is done for people suffering from it even today. Do you receive counselling for your trauma?

@Bunniekins @MedicinalGypsy @Mustang67 @ENKELI @heartathome

i been having excellent counselling, although extremely expensive, which is really helping me to stay grounded and to slowly re-digest the trauma experiences into something more manageable that i did when i was kid. Hard and very confronting work, but so very worth it.

i'm right on top while i want to be left at the begining.

@DownMoreThanUp I can completely understand your experiences of trauma. Though they may be caused by different things the way our minds and bodies respond and how it might affect our lives can be quite similar.

Im so glad you have a good counsellor who you are working with. That can make such a big difference.

I am unable to afford the therapy. I’ve tried online bulk billing but they are full of clients and can’t take more people. I prefer a female face to face but I’d settle for online if it was fully bulk billed. It makes it really hard for me.

Things are so difficult right now. Today is hard and I’m tired of the relentless feelings and trauma thoughts.

I hope your day is good. You deserve a good day.