Can't decide whether to go on medication

@Astel hi Astel i can only give you my experience and medication saved my life. i was completely out of control without it. i have schizoaffective disorder and ptsd. it took a couple of years to find the perfect meds and dosages but dont worry it really helps.

Hi greenpea, thanks for your prompt reply.

If I can ask, how did things become different for you on the medication? How do you view medications role in your life? I'd like to know.

@Astel a multitude of differences. i was calmer no more dramatic mood swings well not as many. they keep me sane i wouldnt be able to have this conversation with you if it wasnt for my meds. you just have to be patient and find a really good psychiatrist.

@Astel i have got side effects from the medications though be aware of them.

Hi @Astel

Thank you so much for sharing your story with such honesty and insight. It takes courage to reflect so deeply on your experiences and ask questions about your healing journey. You've clearly done a lot of thinking and self exploration already and thats a strong foundation to build on.

It makes total sense that recieving a diagnosis of OCD and Social Phobia brought a sense of relief, sometimes putting a name to what we are experiencing can help things feel more managable.

You mentioned a severe streptococcal infection as a child and your suspicion around PANDAS. It's absolutely worth noting that PANDAS has been linked to the sudden onset of OCD symptoms in some children, so this may be a piece of your story that offers further understanding and worth investigating.

I think you asked a really important question.

Is medication just a "bandaid", or can it be part of real recovery?

This is a huge topic to discuss and I'm glad you have brought it up. I feel, for many, medication is not the only answer but forms a part of their recovery treatment plan, for others it has played a vital role in their recovery. For many people it can help reduce the intensity of symptoms, giving you just enough breathing space to access therapy, build skills, or simply get through the day with a little more ease. From what you described, those moments of quieting in your mind when you were on the medication, it sounds like it may have helped you reach that calmer internal state, even briefly.

That said, your concern around side effects like constipation is completely valid, and its ok to pause and reassess. If you do consider giving the medication another try, a conversation with your GP about dosage, alternatives or managing side effects might help make the process more sustainable.

At the same time, it's very clear you have strong instincts around the roots of your OCD being connected to trauma and early relational experiences. You described a complex and emotionally volatile upbringing, and recognising the impact of that, is a huge step. I acknowledge this might be painful for you and I'm proud of you for your insight.

Trauma Informed Psychotherapy could be incredibly helpful for you. In particular, Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy might resonate, as it allows us to explore and heal parts of ourselves that formed in response to difficult childhood dynamics. You might also consider nervous system based approaches, which support healing through the body as well as the mind. I have found nervous system and somatic therapies, in conjunction with medication, incredibly supportive in my recovery and wellbeing journey. A great starting point is Irene Lyon, a nervous system educator who offers free content on YouTube around working with trauma, regulation and recovery. I find her really helpful in understanding and learning to manage my emotions, have a look and see if she resonates with you.

Mental health recovery programs, like the one we offer here at SANE, can offer valuable skills to manage distress, especially when access to therapy is limited due to financial issues. Our programs are free, supported by our community and a great resource as we navigate our mental health. We are always here to support you.

Ultimately, you have the right to choose.

Some people use medication short term to relieve symptoms enough to engage in therapy more fully, and then reduce or come off it later. Others continue with it long term alongside supportive healing modalities. Either way you derserve a plan that feels empowering and tailored to meet your needs.

Your'e asking all the right questions and your reflections show so much self awareness and capacity for healing. Please know you don't have to have it all figured out, none of us really do, we'er all doing the best we can and focusing on taking care of ourselves along the way.

You're doing the best you can and I'm proud of you reaching out. I look forward to hearing more about your healing journey. Take Care of You

Kindly Alisse

Hi @Astel

I think you're asking the right question. I was hit really hard with a MH issue a few years back. I was happy to take anything to help. I went on a prescription journey looking for the "right" combination of drugs. I got a lot of relief, though not without significant unwanted side effects. I also began seeing a psychologist. My MH crash was triggered by some extremely stressful situations.

As my MH improved I began tapering off my drugs and felt a lot better with the drug side effects diminishing, and the return to my "old" self.

Then another series of traumatic events and I decided to restart the medication. This time higher doses of more "serious" medications, with worse side effects, but allowing me to lead a somewhat "normal" life.

In both instances my MH downturn was triggered by stressful events, and I believed that with the help of my psychologist I could regain my MH, with the medications helping in a bridging role.

My psychiatrist did not / does not agree, and thinks I should stay on medication indefinitely. For me this is not an option without trying seriously medication free, as I find the side effects intolerable.

I guess I'm lucky, the side effects I have/had are not physical. The drugs rather seem to strip me of my identity, numb my brain and squash any mental activity.

I have since begun tapering of my medications again under the supervision of my GP. This time around it is a lot tougher, with every dip in medication resulting in an apparent relapse, only to start feeling better after 6-8 weeks. Many times I have wanted to give up and stay on medication, but have so far resisted. I am feeling much better for the lower doses but wonder whether to continue reduction or stay where I am.

I wonder if I had had better psychological help, would I have not required medication at all, or only for a shorter period. And if a shorter period would have made it easier to get off the medication. And I of course wonder if the psychiatrist is/was right and I need to stay on medication to ease any further relapse in my MH.

I hope my experiences can help you with your decisions. I certainly do not have an answer to your question, the only advice would be to get the best psyc help you can. And I know how impossibly hard that can be.

I am cautious about medication @Astel I have been on it for over 30 years. I didn't take it while breastfeeding. Mostly I have been on low doses, except for the period when I first joined this forum 10 years ago. I have witnessed a lot of side effects on loved ones and I suspect my father may not have died of pneumonia when I was young, but that he was over medicated. Some meds depress respiratory function. I am more aligned with @Doog s approach. Minimum Therapeutic Dose is the law now, but many psychiatrists have different ideas. I find Niall Maclaren worth reading at times...

Good luck. Yes bottom line it is your life. I think we are over pathologising generally. I would like to come off altogether but my calm and stability is important for my son.

Understanding the transmission of intergenerational trauma is important but a often a slow process. Good luck navigating the waters..

Apple

Hi @Alisse Thank you so much for your reply. Your understanding and acknowledgement of my points really brought me to a few tears.

Particularly, your acknowledgement of my self awareness, doing the best I can, and not needing to have everything figured out.

I've never really heard those words in that way before, you really made me feel some peace which I'm grateful for.

I spend a lot of time in introspection. I personally believe there is no such thing as too much thinking, however too much thought in the wrong direction can be a real problem.

Whether it is simply in my nature or a manifestation of my OCD, I think a lot about my own thoughts and feel a lot of self doubt. That is why I am seeking clarity in my life. My thoughts could be directed in a more productive direction.

You provided me some respite from that doubt though with validation which was incredibly helpful.

Honestly, I want to participate more and think about myself less, I want to be engaged with others.

However I have to be kind to myself, because I don't believe I've had a lot of control over that but medication may make that a lot easier.

It is a change of topic, but I hope you don't mind me saying, I am 28 years old and today I have been thinking a lot about wishing I had more opportunity to be carefree and joyful as a kid and adolescent.

There were a few times when I was younger where I was particularly distressed and I guess it showed because I remember an older gentleman who was a stranger approach me and ask if I was ok. I said I was fine because I have always been self reliant and put immense pressure on myself. It would have been nice offload some of that pressure when I was younger and I struggle with that.

I have been mired in intense thoughts really since I was at least 12. Your acknowledgement of my self awareness at least allowed me to believe there is a positive element.

Something that makes me feel quite full of purpose is the idea of studying philosophy. I'm not sure whether that would be a good or bad thing though.

Regardless, thanks for your insights, I am still undecided about whether I will take the medication. I think there is a real part of me that has become attached to my mind being this way, and if the medication quiets all that and makes me more typical, I am worried about grief I may feel at having been denied that kind of peace for a long time if that makes sense.

The SANE recovery program sounds like something I would like to explore. As I said, I would like to be engaged with others in recovery.

Hey @Astel ,

Nice to meet you and see you again on the forums. I can hear things have been very tough for you in the past, yet you are doing what you can to better yourself.

Whether you take medication or not is something to consider with your treating team. What is the feeling in your gut?

Sometimes, just knowing people are out there and in a way understand and validate your experiences can be so powerful.

I look forward to continuing to connect with you on the forums.

Hi tyme,

Thanks for the reply.

I don't currently have a treatment team, and now being 28 years old, I don't know the best place to go to acquire one.

My gut is telling me to go on the medication, and I would be doing myself a huge disservice by not doing so.

I've really woken up recently to how my life has been impacted by having this untreated and I'm willing to do what I can to make myself more well.