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Something’s not right

Crying in the early hours of the morning

CarebearSenior Contributor20 Mar 2025, 4:32 am AEDT

Crying in the early hours of the morning

Why is the human mind so powerful and why is peri-menpause such a roller coaster?

Two mornings in a row I've woken up crying. Couldn't work out why until I realised that it could be hormonal and the fact that for me and my partners upcoming trip to Brisbane none of my side of the family are able to put us up for the two nights (they'll be out of town), and that any accommodation suggestions I make to my partner he just ignores them and says he is going to do 'wing it' in relation to accommodation. His aim when he is there is to go to a Bank note and Coin Collection Expo and that I would be spending that same day with my sister sightseeing.

He asked me where was my sister meeting me and I said that it would be at whatever accommodation that we would be staying at. Then he chimes in that he is going to 'wing it' with accommodation.

I'm finding it all stressful and are considering not going and just staying home.

Plus there has been no physical intimacy between us for over a year (ie, holding hands, hugs, holding each other while lying in bed, no sex). We sleep in the same bed but what's the point?

20 replies

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In response to: Crying in the early hours of the morning

GlistenSenior Contributor20 Mar 2025, 7:54 am AEDT

Re: Crying in the early hours of the morning

@Carebear Hi 👋🏼 I’ve been through a similar situation.
How long have you and your partner been together?

Why do you feel the intimacy between you stopped?

Do controls the finances in your relationship?

In response to: Crying in the early hours of the morning

MissGremlinSenior Contributor20 Mar 2025, 8:29 am AEDT

Re: Crying in the early hours of the morning

Hello @CarebearI'm sorry to hear that you have been waking up crying. It could be hormonal and you also have the stress of the upcoming trip. It sounds like the relationship has been strained for a while, have you been able to sit down together and talk about the relationship?

I hope things work out for you. If you want to chat about anything I'm more than happy to. Take care of yourself and you are not alone ❤️.

In response to: Re: Crying in the early hours of the morning

CarebearSenior Contributor20 Mar 2025, 9:59 am AEDT

Re: Crying in the early hours of the morning

@Glisten It could have something to do with his mum (who he was very close to) having died after a long illness (dementia and parkinsons) in July last year. Either way he wins.

In response to: Re: Crying in the early hours of the morning

CarebearSenior Contributor20 Mar 2025, 10:00 am AEDT

Re: Crying in the early hours of the morning

@MissGremlin sitting down and talking about it isn't an option at the moment as he doesn't want to talk about it.

In response to: Re: Crying in the early hours of the morning

MissGremlinSenior Contributor20 Mar 2025, 10:03 am AEDT

Re: Crying in the early hours of the morning

@Carebear ok. That makes it hard to resolve any issues. How do you feel about the relationship between you both?

In response to: Re: Crying in the early hours of the morning

GlistenSenior Contributor20 Mar 2025, 10:30 am AEDT

Re: Crying in the early hours of the morning

@Carebear what do you mean, when you say “he wins”?

In response to: Re: Crying in the early hours of the morning

CarebearSenior Contributor20 Mar 2025, 12:13 pm AEDT

Re: Crying in the early hours of the morning

@MissGremlin I don't like the relationship at the moment as some of my needs aren't being met.

In response to: Re: Crying in the early hours of the morning

CarebearSenior Contributor20 Mar 2025, 12:16 pm AEDT

Re: Crying in the early hours of the morning

@Glisten
Sorry, should clarify that. 'He wins' meaning that I feel like I've tried but I give up. That's how I feel at the moment.

I've been there for him during his time of need but he hasn't been there when I needed support.

Perhaps I'm looking in the wrong place to have my needs met and should just meet my needs myself and not expect anything from anyone.

In response to: Re: Crying in the early hours of the morning

MissGremlinSenior Contributor20 Mar 2025, 1:00 pm AEDT

Re: Crying in the early hours of the morning

@Carebear that's sad. Do you think there's the possibility of things becoming better?

In response to: Re: Crying in the early hours of the morning

CarebearSenior Contributor20 Mar 2025, 6:55 pm AEDT

Re: Crying in the early hours of the morning

@MissGremlin
Have just gone for a run and I think that it is not so much the relationship but the fact that people (including my partner) say that they'll be there for me when I'm having a mental episode (ie either a depressive or anxiety episode) none of them have actually been there for me.
During a particularly severe depressive episode my partner actually said to me that if I'm going to do something (eg self harm etc) that I was not allowed to do it at home and that I had to drive someone else and do it.

It seems that I'm asking the wrong people to be my support network and will have to find other people.

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Torres Strait Islander flag

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SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.

SANE values diversity. We are committed to providing a safe, culturally appropriate, and inclusive service for all people, regardless of their ethnicity, faith, disability, sexuality, or gender identity.