Battles

@NightFury i need help with things that are happening but everywhere i turn to won't help. Things are getting worse and it scares me of what will happen in the future if i can't get help soon.

I do my best to keep myself distracted but it feels like that's all my life is, just keeping distracted to keep myself alive. It's exhausting and I'm honestly not living, I'm just existing and going through the motions.

I'm safe and I really am trying so hard to get the help I need but I just don't know who to turn to now when I've been let down by everyone I've tried.

I'm about to start getting ready for bed so that I can sit and cuddle with Casper and do my colouring while listening to music or watching my TV shows.

Have you had the "what next" conversation with your GP? Maybe they can help you to map out a path forward @MissGremlin Maybe even just working out the next small step will help you to feel as if you're moving forward?

I understand and I hear you when you speak of just existing as being exhausting. It is exhausting...but maybe keeping at it, you'll eventually realise that it starts to feel more like living and less like surviving?

I hear how frustrated and hurt you are and how stuck you feel.

@MissGremlin just wanting you to know that I care, and my heart breaks (in a compassionate empathetic way, not in a distressing-to-me way) for you. I so wish I could help you in calling around to the different support options to make the enquiries around availabilities, cost/bulk-billing, or whatever is needed. I'd do it in a heartbeat if I could.

I strongly believe this is where we need some public or volunteer support services that can help people with these things. Don't need any special training to help people like yourself & @NightFury with the admin work that is so stressful as an added burden when not coping. I'd be making the phone calls for you both if I could. 😓.

Makes me consider what type of work I will consider doing in the future, assuming my treatment this year helps. I think I would like to study Peer Work and then also setup a local community-based peer support service where people pay/donate whatever they want/can (meaning it is "affordable" for those who cannot afford anything, but supported by those who can/do have funds) - which could help with some peer-MH-support, or social activity groups, or this type of admin support adhoc, or even just having a list of providers who are reportedly good for specific things/conditions/etc.

@NightFury i have and we've explored every possible option 😞. He's trying so hard, my counsellor is trying aswell but I've honestly exhausted every service that's supposed to be available to me.

I'm trying to keep at it but I am stuck, I've hit a mental and physical roadblock. All my craft and colouring etc, it doesn't bring me joy anymore, it's just a task, something to keep me busy in an attempt to keep the thoughts and urges at bay.

Again I'm safe I'm just so tired of things being like this. I'm in bed now and have music playing while Casper is next to me.

@AlwaysMyself awww you're so sweet, thankyou, if only it was a possibility lol.

There really should be support out there for people that need it for when it comes to making calls to places.

Your last bit that you wrote felt like there's a glimmer of hope there for you, when you said "Makes me consider what type of work I will consider doing in the future". I love that the thought even crossed your mind as to what the possibilities are for the future and it made me smile to see that.

I hear how tired you are @MissGremlin and how much it hurts to not have the supports you need.

But maybe you could add a yet to that....I don't have the supports I need yet. Maybe the yet, adds a little bit of hope? It does for me. I can't get in to see a new psychologist for at least 12 weeks, but the hope is that it will happen eventually.

Thanks @MissGremlin . I am trying to think of what I would like to see in terms of supports in my local area - what supports I wish I had or wish my friends (like yourselves) could access - and think of which are things I could possibly fill the gap of within my skills/abilities and capacity, and which things would support my own MH (e.g. social activity groups and helping others through MH journeys) and motivation in the future. I still don't know what things will be in 12 months time, but I can have ideas and tentative plans of what it could look like if things go well this year. I am at core a very planned-person, so having a plan (or developing plans) is helpful to me.

And knowing that if this is what my MH needs, my mum is willing to financially support me (and even more so if I am doing volunteer work to help others) means I am then able to pursue ideas like this that would otherwise be financially unfeasible if i needed to make a living. How can I expect such services to be available if I, someone who might be capable of doing it, would not be willing to at least try it?

@NightFury I love your idea of "yet". 😍.

And I am so glad you have a booking for 12 weeks - even though it is still 12 weeks away, each day is a day sooner.

Hey @MissGremlin just checking in on you.

Hello @NightFury my sweet, feeling all sorts of things today. I have been laying on my lounge dozing on and off but I just woke up and I'm all shaky so trying to calm down (I'm safe).

How's things feeling for you today sweet?

Things have been feeling kind of heavy today @MissGremlin I'm tired, and didn't get much sleep last night due to the heat, which probably contributes.

Dozing sounds like good self-care.