Battles

@Cuddlebear just in a silly mood, one where my sense of humour has come out to play. It makes me nervous cos I know sooner or later it will all come crashing down. But I try to enjoy it while it lasts, it hasn't happened for a while.

The doctors appointment was planned but the phone call from the service he referred me to before Christmas wasn't cos they said I wouldn't hear from them until the new year and that was only yesterday.

I'm glad we are here with each other ❤️

@NightFury oohh yummy. I'm going to put my roast beef in the oven soon ☺️.

@NightFury Hello lovely. How are you feeling?

What book are you reading? I’m sorry you are feeling unsettled. I hope the book and forums can help distract you from feeling this way.

I have woken up in my usual dread and panic. Do you wake up this way? It’s an awful feeling and terrible start to the day. 😞

I'm restless, not sure what to do with myself, but I feel like I'm moving incredibly slowly today @Cuddlebear it's hard to describe because one seems to contradict the other.

I'm reading Alchemised by SenLinYu. I only started it yesterday. It's a heavy read and a long book, so I'm in two minds as to whether to keep reading or to put it down for a while and tackle one of the other books on my to-read pile.

I'm sorry to hear that you've woken panicy and with a sense of dread. It's a hard way to greet the day. I wake up in fear and panic mostly in the middle of the night. I'm afraid of the dark, so it makes it worse. I tend to wake up in the mornings feeling really heavy.

@MissGremlin That’s a good way to be feeling. Absolutely enjoy it. It could be a good sign that little by little you’ll feel better. I hope it lasts my sweet.

I just read your doctor are putting on a roast. Very yummy. 🙂

Oh the service you mentioned is calling you back soon. That’s great. I’m so glad they have called earlier than expected. I really hope it goes well.

Im also glad you are here. I’m trying to calm myself.

I hope you can get some Lego done.

@NightFury @Cuddlebear that phone call made everything come crashing down 😭. I have tears and I feel let down all over again, she tried to talk me into cancelling the referral, I don't think they want to help me, I don't think they care.

I'm safe, just going to pop my roast in and find something to eat cos I feel nauseous, realising I haven't eaten yet today.

Then we can start our lego cos I need connection and a distraction right now.

I'm here @MissGremlin big hugs to you, my friend.

@NightFury Perhaps another book less heavy or I think @MissGremlin mentioned doing some Lego with you.

I can understand what you are saying. Mine is in the morning. Is there anything you do that helps? I’m struggling to find anything to help. Do you feel lonely? I feel that being alone makes it worse and finding ways to lift it is hard.

@Cuddlebear when I wake up scared and panicy in the middle of the night I find reaching for my dog, Luna...who sleeps right next to me, laying a hand on her and just listening to/feeling her breathe.

If it's earlier in the night, I'll try and connect here. I've learnt to reach out to those who I know are generally around later at night.

I recently brought myself a sleep sound machine. It has 34 sounds on it ranging from rainforest sounds, to waves on a beach, to meditation music, to white noise, to a heart beat sound and it comes with a few different light settings. I set it for 90 minutes and sometimes it helps.

Getting up and getting a drink helps ground me and break the fear/panic.

When none of that works, or I'm really struggling...I have a compulsion phrase that I repeat over and over again until I fall asleep. I've recently been diagnosed with OCD.

@NightFury ok i quit doing my roast cos I just couldn't deal with it. But I made a sandwich and I have just sat on my bed with that and my lego set and also an iced coffee.