Battles

Thankyou @Jynx, those hugs are very much needed ❤️. I'm honestly not sure how to make sense of it, fighting mental health illnesses really is a silent battle that often isn't seen until it's too late 😞. I'm trying to be gentle with myself, you always question yourself with the could I have done more, what if I'd done that etc. I know i did what I could but you still feel that pain and guilt of wishing you could have done more to save them.

Oohhh a tarantula costume would be so cool, spiders don't worry me 😊. Maybe I'll have a look at costumes for him when I go to the shops tomorrow 😊.

@NightFury i hear you on those rough days but you are doing well sweet ❤️.

Ooohh that sounds yummy 😋. If it has veggies in it then that definitely counts plus everything is good for us in moderation 😊.

I've been doing the same with my eating not that I eat unhealthy anyway but given the recent blood test I'm just being extra mindful about things 😊.

@NightFury yeah same tbh - I am trying to just go very slowly though. It's about changing habits, and we can't change those overnight. Recently been making these high-fibre snack balls for example. Chock full of psyllium and oats and all these high-fibre grains. Buuuut there's also a packet of crushed up biscoff in there cos they taste like a$$ otherwise 🤣 It's all about balance!!

@MissGremlin No one can save us from ourselves, in the end. It's definitely hard to reconcile with; the nature of grief is a complex one hey.

Hehe would love to see that! Casper the Spookiest boy around 😍

@Jynx it's definitely a complex one.

Hehe but Casper is too cute to be spooky 😂. He has given me a few scares though when he's come round a corner in the dark 😂.

I can feel some big feelings building up inside of me at the moment so I'm keeping myself busy with distractions while getting ready for bed at the same time. (I'm safe).

@Jynx they sound pretty yummy.

@MissGremlin aww, he's like a void-cat haha turns invisible if he closes his eyes in the dark! Cutie.

Big feelings are to be expected, I'm glad you're looking after yourself along the way.

(づ ᴗ _ᴗ)づ♡

@NightFury haha they surprisingly are 😉

I'd give you a recipe but I winged the heck out of it 😅

@Jynx haha yes he is indeed. It's like you walk around the corner and then boom he's there 😂.

Those big feelings just have a way of sneaking up on you. I'm nice and comfy in my bed now with Casper by my side 😊.

Oh I forgot to tell you that I spoke to the counsellor on Monday. I was really nervous about how it was going to go and it felt hard to share first about things that have been going on cos I felt like that trust was broken. But it actually went ok and she was very apologetic for not making contact sooner cos she knew how I felt about it given previous experiences. She is doing a referral to their therapeutic counsellors so that hopefully they can support me better. But she is keeping appointments with me in case they take a while to make contact or i don't click with them. So all in all it went well and I'm glad I chose to not cancel the appointment and that i gave her another chance 😊.

Hugs @MissGremlin I hope you're okay?

Thankyou @NightFury my sweet ❤️. I'm ok, you know what it's like when things hit suddenly and you get all those feels at once. I have Casper cuddles, my music and my cosy bed, plus company on the forums 😊.

How are you going sweet?

I know what it's like. It sounds like you have an amazing plan for nurturing and taking care of you tonight. @MissGremlin

I kinda stirred myself up...

I had a thought, "maybe I should try and sleep with the light off tonight." And then my body said no with a racing heart and anxiety.

So, I'm tucked up in bed with Luna trying to calm my farm.