Battles

@MissGremlin I'm sorry to hear that your day's been messy. I know the feeling well.

We have to do it all again tomorrow, so...I'm hoping to get some rest tonight too.

@NightFury I've been awake since 5am which doesn't help.

Really hope you can get a good night's rest ❤️

I've been awake since 4 am, so I'm right there with you. @MissGremlin

@NightFury it's exhausting. I only got 2 hours of sleep aswell.

Let's hope we can both have a good night's rest.

That's okay! We will get there with the safety plan, you are doing really well already just remembering what to do. @MissGremlin

Do you want to tell me what is happening for you? ❤️

@AuntGlow I've been trying to remember, it just gets hard in those moments cos things hit very suddenly.

I was triggered earlier today when I was having a conversation with someone on here so I stepped back from the forums for a bit. Once I felt things had settled a bit I reconnected and chatted a bit to some people. But I'm still struggling with flashbacks from being triggered, it was literally 2 words which are actually a name of a place where this specific incident happened, I just can't shake the feelings from it. So at the moment I'm very shaky, my breathing is fast and shallow and my heart is racing. I've gone through so many different things to try to distract myself or calm myself down but it doesn't feel like anything is working other than to just pass the time.

I hear you, that must have been really distressing... being triggered so abruptly truly is a lot. Know that I am here. @MissGremlin

What would help to re-orient you into the present? How can we let little Dreamy know she is safe? 💛

@AuntGlow i just hate how it's just 2 little words that have had such a big impact on me. I just wish I could make everything stop right now, being in this state is completely overwhelming.

I'm not quite sure, I've had my iced coffee, I'm in my pjs and my dressing gown, I've got music playing and I'm staring at my colouring. I don't know why I can't even just pick up a pencil to colour.

I need a safe way to let this pressure out, I've only been able to let little bits out at a time using unhealthy coping strategies but the control is something I'm struggling with at the moment. I've tried hitting a pillow and other things not so soft, I've moved around trying to release a bit, I've stomped on the floor and hit the bed, but the pressure just keeps building. I feel like a ticking time bomb that's going to explode.

It really is, and please know I understand this feeling so well. I promise it will pass. @MissGremlin

That sounds so warm and cozy!! What if you picked up any pencil and started drawing/writing what you are feeling?

Gah, this really can be so overwhelming... you have done all the right things to try and release this pressure. I am curious to know if you have allowed yourself to cry or yell into a pillow?

And do you think calling Lifeline might be helpful right now? 💛

@AuntGlow i just want it to be over already, its so frustrating that it hasn't even eased despite everything I've tried.

I picked up a pencil and coloured in the tiny circle of the inside of one of the flowers and that's all i could do, colouring was the only thing I had that really soothed me before bed and I fear that I've lost that. How do I get it back?

I can't even make any noise or cry, it's like that part of me has completely shut down.

I actually just finished chatting to lifeline and whilst the chat itself was fine it just hasn't changed how I'm feeling. The person said to give it 15 minutes to see if I can distract myself but if not to reach back out to them.

This has just brought up so many intense thoughts and feelings along with the urges, I've tried to distract myself from them, I've tried to sit with them for a long as I can but now I'm just at a point where I feel lost as to what to do.