Battles

@rav3n just taking this chat over here as I don't want to take over sunnysides thread. I cried alot yesterday which I don't usually do but once the tears started there was no stopping them. It didn't really help, I just ended up with a migraine. I have my next phone appointment with the counsellor tomorrow but I'm not sure i can do it, not after how I was left last time. I want to tell her how I felt but that just doesn't come easy for me cos I don't like to be that person.

I don't like how things feel so heavy today. I reached out to a crisis service and was told that the service couldn't assist me, which really just hurt. I tried another service but because of thoughts of suicide and self harm they won't talk to me. It hasn't helped that I was meant to have a doctors appointment today that was really needed but it was cancelled as my doctor is unwell.

Anyway I'm going to drag myself off this lounge and go for a drive. Might catch you later if you are still on. Don't worry I'm safe for now, just struggling.

@MissGremlin ohh i'm sorry that it led to a migraine, sounds like there was a lot suppressed in there and you did your best to support yourself, which matters heaps 💙

it's definitely hard hearing that services can't support you, i'm really sorry that happened and i wish there was more we could do to help with that. you deserve the best care, and it might be super uncomfy being honest with your counsellor - but at the same time, she's there to support you and make sure you feel heard. so telling her will be really helpful for her in helping you! knowing you, i feel like you have a gentle way with words and i reckon you won't come across as "that person". sucks abt the doc's appt being cancelled today, but sounds like you're working on keeping yourself busy. thanks for letting us know you're safe, i hope the drive helps and i'll catch ya later 💙

@MissGremlin

There are a bit of fun to play with. I mainly print them and give them to a friend, who shows them to people they know and then I send more 🙂

So here are the 2 gear balls and the sunflower spinner, as well as 3 snowmen clickers I did last week. They have a regular mechanical computer keyboard switch inside them so you can 'click' their heads. It's weirdly satisfying.

Luna, as you know, loves to eat most things but she really seems to love cheese! I dropped some off my Whopper and she was on to it in a shot! She loved it! She even ate a bit of the lettuce in the box. There is one brand of the tinned wet food that she wont eat though. I have no idea what she doesn't like about it. It came with 3 different flavours and she wont eat any of them! Very strange.

I've spoken to a few psychs and counselors over the past 18 months or so. Some help a little at first and then become more of a detriment than anything else. I think it's important to find one that you do trust to be open and honest with. I feel like it's not much use without that. Either way, it definitely takes a lot of change to learn how to really open up and be completely honest with these people at all. I sort of look at it as i'll give it a go, and if I feel like they weren't helpful or i said too much to them then I can always not go back and they'll soon forget about me and anything I said. I feel like there's a layer of protection there for me.

It sounds like you're having another very tough day. I hope the drive helped a little bit. You've done well just to get yourself off the couch and doing something so try to take some positives from that. I know all too well how difficult that can be to do at times.

@rav3n im having a panic attack, trying to calm myself down. I took Casper into the shops to get something but we had only just walked in when he had an accident and pee'd on the floor, I felt so embarrassed and couldn't even get what I needed from the shop. I had to talk to the workers of the shop I was out the front of and ask them to call the cleaners, the workers gave me paper towel to clean it up. I didn't need this today, not on top of everything else. Sorry just needed to get this out of my system. I'm about to make myself a drink and put some music on to hopefully calm down. Can you sit with me please?

@MJG017 gonna sit down and read this in a minute and I'm hoping it will help to calm me down having something to focus on doing.

glad you could get it off your chest here, and i can see how overwhelming that must've been. it's hard when things pile up, and then that one thing tips us off the edge - we're here for you, you're not alone hun @MissGremlin 💙

@rav3n yes that one thing that tips us over the edge. Well i just had fun playing with Casper and he was doing zoomies around my bed. Feeling a little calmer now. Thankyou ♥️

@MissGremlin

I just read your post about your trip to the shop. Sorry that it didn't exactly go as planned. Good to hear you're feeling a little calmer now though.

@MJG017 i really had to hold myself together at the shops. I think you'd know the feeling, but you know when you feel like your about to pass out and everything kind of drops, your hearing goes and you start blacking out. That's exactly what happened to me in that moment, so I had to really focus on just breathing and I picked up Casper to have him close to me. It wasn't a nice experience but yes I am feeling a bit calmer now.

@MJG017 i love those fidget toys, I want some, the snowmen are super cute 😂.

Haha Luna loving cheese, she is such a funny kitty. Very strange about the food, even more so cos of how much she loves any type of food normally.

It's definitely hard to open up and especially when you have been let down and hurt so many times when you've tried and been made to feel like your feelings and things you've been through don't matter. I'm going to see how tomorrows appointment goes with her and take it from there, but I do need to somehow tell her how I was left feeling after last time.

As far as leaving the couch goes well it turned into a bit of a negative given the experience but all in all things turned out ok.