Battles

Thanks @rav3n. I don't think it's helpful that I'm not well at the moment so feeling pretty blah. I just need some time to be able to pick myself back up again, hoping I can get a decent sleep tonight and wake up tomorrow with a bit more energy than I have today. Maybe then I'll be ready to hold that hope again but right now it's just a bit much to handle alone, but I'll keep a slither of it still.

Casper isn't well at the moment and I'm so worried about him. The anxiety is hard to sit with cos of past experiences, it's just taking so much out of me.

I've done my best to look after myself, I really slowed everything down today and allowed my body to rest, i had a shower and made sure I had something to eat and drink. I haven't had to reach out to a crisis service since this morning so I feel like I'm at least doing something right.

that makes total sense @MissGremlin i really do hope you get a good night sleep. i feel like good sleep is what makes a difference between have a bad day and a really bad day.

ohh sucks to hear that Casper's isn't too well, i imagine that's also heaving on you too. i've got my fingers crossed that he'll be okay 💙 do you have an upcoming vet appointment?

slowing things down is hard, hey - but definitely does sound like it's been having an effect. and sounds like the self-care routine is really coming through, proud of you for that!!

@MissGremlin I'm glad you've taken some time to do some self-care today/tonight.

@rav3n sleep would be nice but I know I won't get alot, been waking up to Casper during the night cos of his tummy being upset. So between my panic attacks, flashbacks and him needing to go to the toilet, sleeping is a challenge.

He had an appointment at the vet today and it's actually baffled the vets and left them scratching their heads, doesn't really help with one's anxiety. They wanted to keep him in to monitor him but i broke down in tears and started to freak out cos of when i had to leave my girl there and then got the bad news a couple of hours later. So they gave him an antibiotic cream that I have to put on him for 5 days and just have to hope it helps otherwise they don't know what comes next.

Slowing things down is definitely hard and i struggle to do it. But right now it's the best thing to try and slow my mind down, usually I'd throw myself into doing cleaning etc but right now I don't have the energy and I don't want to make myself worse. So I'm trying the other approach and slowing things down, so far it's working enough to keep myself in a somewhat ok headspace. There's still always moments when things get intense but I'm trying hard to refocus and challenge the thoughts.

Sorry for the ramble on there, I didn't expect that to be such a long post 😂

Hello lovely @MissGremlin! @rav3n has gone home, so it's just me until 10. I wanted to say that I am so sorry little Casper isn't feeling good and it's completely understandable that you would be feeling afraid that something worse could be happening. So, I don't want to invalidate that at all. But I also want to add that sometimes our pets go through scary things, and it can take some time to figure out exactly what's going on. @Ru-bee has had many challenges with her pets' health and with some support, they have improved immensely! (Just want to give you a positive anecdote to consider too.) Here if you need to talk any more though, okay? I am glad to hear you are slowing things down. 💛

Hello @AuntGlow, I understand that it can take time to find out what's going on but the problem is that I don't have the money to do testing, treatments, vet stays etc. The fact that it's baffled the vet really doesn't help cos you just don't get a clear answer or know how to fix it.

Trying to hold that hope that he will get better and be ok, but anxiety really does make it challenging and also me being not well isn't helping.

I'm really worried about the person I'm chatting to and I hate that I can't be around to support them during the night if they need it 😕. Think that's the biggest reason I like being here on the forums, I love being able to help people so at the moment I'm very annoyed at myself for messing things up.

@MissGremlin I am with you, not having the money is very stressful - I get this completely. I have lots of hope that he will pull through.

Is Casper with you at the moment? Maybe giving him a hug tonight will create a safe and healing space for both of you? (Please give each other a hug from me too!)

That's okay!! You are doing SO well with them. I had a real proud aunt moment; it was lovely to watch. What matters now is that you are taking care of you and not supporting beyond your capacity, okay? 💛

@AuntGlow i hate that things are so expensive, it really makes it hard.

Yes he is with me and he is currently dreaming away. When I lay down to go to sleep he will come and give me snuggles while he sleeps on my pillow. I'll be sure to give him extra cuddles from you aswell 😊

I'm ok and really focused on helping them right now, i like being in this space because I'm not fixated on my own issues which actually really helps me. Even though today has been hard, I'm actually really impressed with how well I've handled things. Usually by now I would have been in a completely different negative headspace but I'm not.

Thanks for those kind words, it's really lovely to hear ♥️

Hello @MJG017, I hope your day has been ok. Did you manage to get your medication today?

I hope to chat to you soon, but I gotta hop off shortly.

I hope you have a good night, take care of yourself.

@MissGremlin

Nope. I'll have to ring them tomorrow and hope it's there.

There was some good news though. I had a 4 hour long zoom chat to a research nurse. She's doing a study about having a nurse led plan management in cancer care. Basically to take some of the load of GP and specialists. I really wanted to get into the intervention group in this one as it's always randomized. I and I was 2 for 2 for getting into intervention groups in studies so far, so I thought the odds were against me this time... But I'm now 3 for 3.

Anyway, we had a really good chat and she agrees that I seems to have fallen into quite a few gaps in the care I've received. So we had a long chat talking about what to do with everything, including the quality of life things that I've long out aside due to being more worried about other things. So we come up with some good ideas to go forward with and she certainly knows a lot about prostate cancer so it was quite good. I'm not saying it's going to cure me or anything like that, but just help to get the best treatment, including those for a lot of side effects stuff I've just been putting up with for ages because no one has really given me any time to address them and just not made referrals that they could have.

I was just doing a bit of catch-up reading and I'm sorry to hear about you vet visit. I get how stressed you must be after what happened previously, but we'll all keep our fingers and toes crossed for you and Casper that he's feeling better soon. We can all help to hold that hope for you until you're ready to take it back. Give him big hugs and cuddles from me as well.