Sitting with alot of heavy thoughts and feelings tonight so wrote this to get things out. I'm safe for the moment, laying in bed snuggling with Casper.
I'm so tired of being me,
of carrying what no one sees.
Tired of waking in the dead of night,
heart pounding hard with no end in sight.
I sit upright, soaked in sweat,
trying to escape what I can't forget.
My hands they shake, my chest it aches,
long after I'm fully awake.
These demons aren't beneath my bed,
but rather they're inside my head.
They haunt me both day and night,
I'm so tired of this endless fight.
And every day I fight this war,
but not sure what I'm fighting for.
The harder that I try to cope,
the less I'm certain there is hope.
It tells me rest is something earned,
a thing denied, a bridge that's burned.
It tells me peace was never mine,
and repeats itself a thousand times.
I crave death but not the way they think,
I crave relief from standing on the brink.
To finally set this burden free,
to no longer have to fight against me.
I want one hour without the fear,
without the noise that's always here.
One night of sleep, one silent head,
one dream that doesn't leave me wrecked.
The sun comes up, the day begins,
but nothing changes deep within.
The same thoughts circle round,
until there's nothing left of me to be found.
I'm running out of strength to fight,
still facing this every single night.
Each day I wonder how much more
I have the strength to battle for.
No one can see this war inside,
the fear, the grief, I have to hide.
They see me standing, carrying on,
not how exhausted I've become.
These demons know my every scar,
they've followed me both near and far.
And all I want, more than I can say,
is simply to just fade away.
I wake each day and feel the same,
just more feelings I cannot name.
The hours pass, the days go by,
until there's no tears left to cry.
I've searched for reasons to remain,
but every search feels done in vain.
I hear the words that people say,
yet nothing makes me want to stay.
There is no lesson left to learn,
no sudden corner left to turn.
Only hope that's worn so thin,
nothing left to fight the war within.
The darkness falls upon me once more,
but tonight there's something else in store.
I've pushed the limits too far this time,
and now I leave everything behind.
@AuntGlow
