Battles

@ENKELI that's why you keep a dressing gown on your bed, just in case 😂.

Honestly I feel like i wasted 3 hours of my life, time I could have been doing my diamond art 😂. I've never been one to go out, kind of skipped the years of nightclubs and parties as it never interested me. I had to grow up pretty quickly, I used to have a small group of friends and we used to go to the roller-skating rink together that's about as good as it got for me. Then I moved in with a guy that was controlling and he made me get rid of all my friends. I now have one friend that's local to me that I see and who was with me tonight and when we went to Melbourne last weekend. Other than that I only have a few friends I talk to online.

Hoping you can get out to meet some people so you can have a social life, you've got such a beautiful personality.

Hugs back to you sweetheart ❤️.

@MissGremlin aww thank you beautiful. Yes I went from one emotional wreck to another. My ex was the same, we hung out with his friends. He hung out with my friends once and then on the way home told me if I wanted to hang with them I'd be doing it on my own. So I lost most of those friends. Then when I got on my feet again and had a group of friends I met my toxic ex best friend and she had no friends. She ended up isolating me as she was so needy. Whenever I went anywhere, even to my mums' she would text me continuously. I had a job where I organised events and was required to attend them. One time I was at an event and she texted me, telling me I needed to come home because the neighbours' dog had bitten her. If I didn't respond to her messages she'd call me and I had to have my phone on because of work so it would be constantly ringing.
Now like you I have my one friend who I've known for over 50 years. And she has her own friends so it's not like I can hang with her all the time.

I don't even know how to go about making friends anymore. I made friends at my workplaces but as soon as I left they stopped contacting me.

That really sounds depressing! Lol, I am mostly happy but would like to have other friends to go out with at times.

Good for you for going out though, even if you weren't fussed on it.

@ENKELI all I can say is there's a reason they are ex's! My ex best friend decided to side with the abusive ex partner of mine that is a convicted child sex offender, I washed my hands well and truly of both of them. Unfortunately he still causes troubles as he's the father of my son but he no longer gets to see him, he tried to make contact when my son turned 18 in April but my son destroyed the letter, wasn't even interested in reading it. I feel that its so hard to actually find friends that are willing to put in the work for a proper friendship.

I've always struggled to make friends as I'm not very outgoing but I prefer having quality over quantity. It just gets lonely sometimes when you don't have anyone to talk to physically and only communicate via text.

I'm very glad to be home and sitting in my bed with Casper snuggled up to me.

I've woken up in a complete panic after a nightmare, I can't stop seeing what happened in the nightmare and it's really affecting me cos it was involving my friend. I'd only been asleep for an hour before waking up like this but my whole body is shaking, it's hard to breathe and my heart is racing, I feel like I'm going to die, it's really scary. The dark thoughts hit me the second I woke up and they are getting strong and louder.

I'm trying so hard to calm myself down, I'm too shaky to move at the moment to get up but I've tried to focus on my breathing, I've got Casper laying across me, I've tried grounding exercises and I'm waiting to get through to a crisis service. I'm safe for now just feeling really scared and alone, I'm trying to pat Casper and focus on slowing things down but it's so hard when everything feels like it's going a million miles an hour.

Hey there @MissGremlin, that nightmare and the symptoms you're experiencing sound really scary and overwhelming to be coping with right now. I'm really glad that you've reached out tonight to talk about it, and I can hear that the dark thoughts are also getting louder and stronger which would be really difficult to manage. It sounds like you're doing all the right things to support your wellbeing including having Casper with you, using grounding exercises and waiting to get through to a crisis service. Thank you for letting us know that you're safe tonight and while you're waiting, I hope that this resource might be helpful for you as well: Managing nightmares and flashbacks 🌛

Take gentle care tonight, and the forums are here for you

calicocats 🐈

Hello @calicocats, it's alot to be trying to cope with right now especially as my body and mind are both so exhausted. Nightmares are something that happen for me every night but lately it's been getting so much worse with the intensity of the panic I wake up with and the thoughts hitting really sudden and hard. I don't even have anyone now that I've lost my counsellor to talk things through with which makes it so much harder. I've told my doctor about them before and he tried to prescribe a medication to help but unfortunately it was no longer available in Australia, we then tried a different one but I had a bad reaction to it so had to stop taking it and now I'm not able to take anything. It's exhausting going through this constantly and it really takes a toll on my whole body in every way possible.

Thankyou for the resource, I've had a read through and saved it for later as my brain really can't absorb anything right now but I've tried a majority of the things on there. I get so frustrated with myself when things don't work which I know doesn't help but it's hard when i try so hard to calm down but just can't bring myself out of the panic and it's then just a matter of riding it out which can take hours for things to settle.

I'm safe and still waiting to get through to a crisis service, trying to focus on Casper and listening to his breathing.

I only managed a little bit more sleep, I kept waking up from nightmares. My thoughts/urges are feeling so intense today and I really don't feel like I have the energy or strength to fight them. When talking to a crisis service earlier this morning they asked me how those thoughts made me feel I said 'they come as a relief, I know it has to happen and I want it to happen cos I'm tired of the pain and suffering'. I actually get so tired of being stuck in this constant spice, knowing how much I want it to happen and being ready for it but then somehow still managing to make it through each day but being uncertain how or why. Then comes the frustration and anger towards myself for still being here.

Today is going to be hard cos I'm feeling tired and worn down and like I just have nothing to give, I feel empty. I'm sorry that I'm struggling so much at the moment, I feel like such a burden on everyone when I share my thoughts/ feelings. I'm hoping to stay connected here today cos I know if I shut down like my brain is telling me to that it will only make things so much worse.

I'm safe for now, I'm still laying in bed and snuggled up with Casper while I'm waiting to get through to a crisis service. I'm going to make myself a hot coffee soon and take some pain relief cos my head is pounding and some anti nausea medication as I'm feeling sick and i need that feeling to go away.

@MissGremlin Good morning 🌻

Sorry to read you are having such a hard time this morning. BUT I am so glad and impressed to read how you are taking care of yourself (best you can)

Taking it slow and steady, lying in bed snuggled with Casper, reaching out to a crisis service, hot coffee coming up soon...sounds like perfect gentle self-care.

I know it doesn't feel like it but that is impressive stuff considering how you're feeling.

I hope they answer soon and that your coffee delightful 💫

Sending you my best 💌

Morning @hopeful_hannah, thankyou for your kind words. It's hard for me to see cos to me it just feels like I'm going through the motions, doing what I have to do.

Whilst the crisis service connected it was a very brief and unhelpful interaction that made me feel very invalidated and my feelings dismissed. I'll try again a bit later if things don't start to settle down with the intensity that I'm feeling.

I have to get up soon to feed Casper but I'm feeling shaky and it's hard to find the motivation to actually get up. I'm safe, still snuggled up with Casper and keeping connected here as much as I can.

I hope you have a lovely day ☺️.

Morning @NightFury my sweet, how's things over there?