Battles

How are things over there? @MissGremlin are you still snuggled in bed with Casper?

@NightFury I'm still in bed with Casper. I just have nothing in me today and my throat and nose feels dodgy. I did manage to do my dishes but that was a bit much and I almost passed out so I hopped back into bed (I'm safe).

How's things over there sweet?

Well done on getting the dishes done! @MissGremlin

I've just sat down. I did the housework, then gave Luna a hair cut and bath, and now I'm just having some food and a drink and trying to rest for a bit.

@NightFury you did so well to get the housework done and giving Luna a cut and bath, well done sweet. Glad you're taking the time to have good and drink, you deserve to rest.

I'm feeling like a failure, I forgot to do the washing again. Things need to be dry by tomorrow but it's cold and wet here. My memory is completely messed up and I keep forgetting to do things 😞. I'm safe and I've just grabbed my diamond art to see if I can do some.

You're not a failure, you're just carrying some big things and it makes the little things harder to remember @MissGremlin. Also, there's nothing you can do if it's cold and wet. The washing probably wouldn't have dried anyway.

If holding little things in your memory is proving tricky at the moment, maybe you could write yourself a to-do list?

@NightFury if I'd washed it on Friday then it would have been dry by tomorrow. My memory issues scare me cos it seems to be getting worse.

I've tried lists but I get overwhelmed with them.

Today I'm really not feeling myself, physically I'm run down and feel like i have a cold, mentally I'm completely exhausted and defeated. I'm supposed to have an inspection on Thursday but I can't do it, I don't feel safe enough to even try to clean. My headspace goes from being 'yeah i can do this' to 'I'm going to act on my thoughts' and if I don't step away I know I'm massively at risk. It's such a horrible and scary space to be in, I've tried to do things slowly, just a little bit at a time, I've tried to throw myself at it and get as much done as possible but it's just not happening and I don't want to end up doing something to myself cos I've not listened to my mind and body. I'm panicking about trying to contact my land agent cos previously when I've had to for other things she's screamed abuse at me, I'm planning to send an email but I know she's probably going to ring me. I have a doctors appointment tomorrow so I'm going to get him to write a letter to her stating that I'm unwell and I'm hoping that will help. Things are sitting really heavy today, I'm wishing that I could go to hospital to get help so that I can stay safe but I know it's not an option cos I have noone to help me with my pets. I need to have a shower but I'm struggling to get myself there, i have lots of tears along with the heavy thoughts, it's just alot right now. I'm safe for now, sitting on my lounge with Casper.

Hey @MissGremlin it's good to see you. I'm glad that you're listening to your body right now and taking it easy, and that you've contacted your landlord to try to reschedule your inspection. I wonder if you could send a follow up email to request that all correspondence regarding this be made over email so that you can hopefully avoid any angry calls and give yourself a bit more time and space to deal with any responses. This also means you have a paper trail if they are refusing any reasonable requests to change the date of the inspection, especially if you're able to get a drs cert too

Is there anything that might help you to take that first step to getting in the shower this morning? Maybe just getting to the bathroom and giving your face a wash in the sink and seeing how you feel from there?

Take today slowly and keep on being gentle with yourself.

Hello @Ru-bee, it feels like it's been forever since we've chatted. Hope you are doing well ❤️. I've not contacted the land agent yet, I'm trying to work up the courage to send an email and even work out what I'm going to say. It honestly terrifies me cos I'm fragile enough as it is without her having a go at me.

I managed to have a shower, I struggled though but I kind of panicked when I was in there and actually washed my hair and body twice. It was like I didn't feel clean enough after some things that have happened recently, but I've never done that before so it was a bit scary. Casper laid on the bath mat so it was comforting to have him still close to me.

I'm safe and I'm sitting on my lounge with Casper snuggled up next to me, I'm shaking and trying to calm myself down but I'm replaying the events from the shower and it's worrying me of why it happened.

Yeah it's been a while @MissGremlin unfortunately with my schedule I'm on forums a lot less at the moment, and am about to hop off again now

Good on you for getting in the shower, even though it sounds like it was even more difficult than you'd anticipated. The important thing is that you got through it and now that one less thing that you need to do today.

Take it easy and contact your landlord when you're ready. I really hope it all goes okay, but this absolutely sounds like a reasonable request which should not be refused, I just hope that your landlord is able to be reasonable.

Glad you're safe, keep on taking care, you're doing a good job