Battles

@Chasingsunsets not even sleepy tonight. Night night sweet, chat to you next time ❤️

So it's 1.45am and I'm not tired. My thoughts have gotten pretty intense and unfortunately the diamond art i was working on is proving to be impossible as the numbers/letters are blurry on the print. It's the last one I had to work on so it's left me with nothing to do and it's the one good distraction that I had. I've tried other things to help keep the thoughts at bay but nothing has worked, I tried colouring, cross stitch, origami, playing cards, watching TV, listening to music, walking around my house, having a warm drink. I'm feeling really stuck at the moment and sitting with heavy thoughts after what happened last night, it's brought up the feelings from previous attempts. I reached out to a crisis service earlier but the person wasn't interested in trying to listen to me or how I was feeling. I'm safe for the moment and laying in bed with Casper. Just feeling scared and alone.

Hi @MissGremlin,

That sounds like a really tough place to be in, especially at that time of night when everything can feel a bit louder and harder to sit with. It makes sense that you’re feeling stuck, especially after trying so many different ways to cope and not getting the relief you were hoping for.

I’m really sorry to hear about your experience with the crisis service too, that must have felt really invalidating when you were already struggling

I’m glad that you’ve got Casper with you. You’re not alone right now, even if it feels that way.

Even though nothing seems to be working the way it usually does, the fact that you’re still trying different things and reaching out shows a lot of strength in a really difficult moment.

I hope you were able to get some sleep. How are you going right now?

Hello @Nala2022, I managed to fall asleep eventually but it's been a really rough night. I've woken up having a panic attack and I'm feeling shaky. Those thoughts and feelings are still so very intense and I'm so worn down from both the physical pain and having to fight myself.

I'm safe for the moment and still laying in bed with Casper trying to calm down.

I’m sorry to hear you’ve woken up into a panic attack, I know that is something very difficult to experience 😔

I’m really glad you’ve got Casper with you and that you’re safe. Even just staying where you are and trying to ride this out is enough right now.

If it feels manageable, you might try something very gentle to help your body settle a little, like slowing your breathing (in for 4, out for 6), or placing a hand on your chest or stomach and focusing on the feeling of your breath. Sometimes even small sensory things like holding something warm or cool can help take a bit of the edge off.

You’re doing your best in a really hard moment, and you’re not alone in this @MissGremlin 🌻

@Nala2022 it's really horrible to wake up in a panic and even more so when I've only managed 2 hours of sleep.

Casper is being a good boy and laying across me to help keep me grounded. I got up and did his breakfast just before then took him out to the toilet. While I was up I also made a hot coffee for myself. Still feeling shaky and breathing is off but I'm working on it, unfortunately it just takes time to settle down.

Thankyou for your kind words and support ❤️.

I hear you, panic attacks can be really horrible to experience, especially when you’ve just woken up and haven’t had much sleep. I’m glad Casper is there to help ground you, pets can be such a comfort when you’re feeling unsettled.

It can take a bit of time for your body to settle again after a panic response, so go gently with yourself. With each slow breath in and out, you’re giving your body a chance to calm, even if it doesn’t feel like it straight away.

Do you have much on for today, or are you taking it as it comes? @MissGremlin 🤗

@Nala2022 Casper is honestly an amazing boy, he knows exactly what to do when I'm having a panic attack.

I don't have anything on today so I'm hoping to take time to be gentle to myself. I'm worried though cos I don't have a diamond art to work on and that's what I had planned on doing today. Colouring last night didn't feel right but I'll try again today, cross stitch was a bit too much to focus on and the origami was frustrating me. So today will very much be taking things as they come. For now I'm sipping on my cuppa and doing my best to stay out of my head (I'm safe).

Casper really does sound like such a special companion, it’s amazing how in tune they can be in moments like that.

It sounds like you’re being really thoughtful about what you need today, even with things feeling uncertain. Taking it gently and moment by moment is more than enough right now.

I know it sucks not having your diamond art when it helps so much. Maybe a bit of colouring can still help a little, even if it didn’t feel right yesterday. All you can do is try

You’re doing a really good job of staying present and looking after yourself, even when it’s tough. I’m really glad you’re safe 💛

@Nala2022 moment by moment is very much my plan of attack for the day.

I've finished my cuppa and I'd laid down in the hopes of getting some more rest but I'm feeling really restless. I'm going to get up and sit on my lounge, put something on TV and see if I can find an activity to do.

I feel like it's going to be a long and hard day but I'm trying to just focus on right now. My brain has a habit of trying to look too far ahead and then I just end up even more overwhelmed. I'm safe and migrating to my lounge.